Our Time
by yourSECRETKEEPER
Summary: It's the Marauders's sixth year at Hogwarts and the fun has only just begun. The sixth year Gryffindors are in for quite a roller coaster ride this year. They experience everything from light-hearted fun to the dark and tragic rise of Voldemort.
1. This Will be Our Year

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and not me…**

**This story will be told from varying points of view. The character who is narrating will always be made clear at the beginning of each chapter.**

**Chapter One: This will be Our Year **or

**James's good day gets ruined by energetic Potion Stirring.**

**James's point of view.**

_You gave me faith to go on,  
Now we're there,  
And we've only just begun.  
This will be our year,  
Took a long time to come_

_Ok Go.._

In the middle of Transfiguration class it's a wonder how far your mind can wander. I looked around at my fellow sixth years surveying them on the first week back.

Julie Belle sat in front of Remus. She was playing with her light brown hair as her honey colored eyes did their best to stay focused on McGonagall. It was not a secret that Transfiguration was not Julie's best subject. She sat straight in her chair though, seemingly determined to at least look like she was paying attention. Her posture added to her already extremely tall height. She was the tallest out of all her friends. I watched Remus scrawled notes on the lecture. I also noticed that Julie kept distracting Remus with the slightest things. She moved her head and he had to change the way he was sitting. It took a great amount of self control not to laugh. Believe me, Remus is not the kind of person to get distracted from his studies easily.

Lily Evans, my dream girl, sat in her seat next to Julie. The two had been best friends since day one of Hogwarts. Unlike Julie, Lily has fiery red hair and emerald green eyes; the most entrancing eyes, in Hogwarts. Lily was watching the professor intently waiting for instruction. She was determined to beat me at this class even if she would never admit it to my face. She had always tried to be the best at everything she did. That's one of the things that just absolutely fascinates me about her. The amount of concentration and determination that she has is just amazing. Lily is also so bloody stubborn. Over the course of our Hogwarts career I have asked Lily Marie Evans out exactly 237 times. Honest to god, that's the exact number. And she has refused every single attempt.

Emily Laurence was in front of Julie. She has long, waist length strawberry blonde hair that Peter is often mesmerized by. Her violet eyes were transfixed on McGonagall as she absentmindedly took notes. Emily usually thinks before she speaks, unlike many teenagers. That was the thing with Emily, she seemed to have everything under control…even when no one else had any idea what was going on. Emily always knew what to do. Peter was sitting next to Emily watching her hair in fascination. Something about her transfixed him. Peter really needed to pay attention in this class. It seemed to be impossible for him to pay attention in any class.

Caroline Bailey was behind Julie. She had her head on her desk and she was sleeping , her long blonde hair cascaded down her back as her hazel eyes stayed glued shut. She couldn't focus on more than one thing at once. Right now that thing is definitely not transfiguration. Sometimes she was just too much. But I have to give her credit; to this day she is the only girl in Hogwarts history to have dumped my best friend, Sirius Black.

I glanced at the girl in-between Caroline and I, Kristen Shepherd. She had long curly black hair and sky blue eyes. She was looking intently at the professor but she was not taking in a word. Kristen was a bright and bubbly girl who had a lot of energy. She has such a huge personality for someone who is only 5'2. Caroline and Kristen were seemingly appropriate best friends. Sirius was behind Kristen playing with her hair. It was highly amusing to watch the two. Kristen was completely unaware and Sirius looked like a baby with candy.

My friends are very special people. Seriously, they are. I've known all of them since first year. I met Sirius on the train going to Hogwarts; we shared a compartment. I met Remus at the Gryffindor table. And Peter, well I met Peter when he was being hexed by some Slytherin…but that's another story entirely. My friend Remus, he's a werewolf! And I've known since third year. And that doesn't mean anything! He is totally normal…he just has a furry little problem. Well, after finding out me, Sirius, and Peter became animagi so we could be with him when he has to transform. It's pretty fun. I'm a deer, Sirius is a dog, and Peter is a rat…don't ask.

I've known Lily and her friends for a while too. The first time I laid eyes on Lily I knew she was someone special. We were standing in a huddle; we scared little first years, waiting to be sorted. Lily stuck out because of her bright red hair. I knew right when I spotted those fiery locks that Lily and I were going to have something special. I met Julie and Emily while I was stalking, er following, er watching Lily. I stumbled upon Kristen when she was hiding in the boy's bathroom. Snape was stalking her. Caroline and Kristen are rarely apart so naturally I got to know Caroline as well.

McGonagall just asked some question. I should probably answer seeing as this is the only class I am doing better than any one else in. Too bad I was totally zoned out and therefore have absolutely no idea what the answer is. Lily knows though. I can tell by the expression on her face. The fact that her hand shot up into the air faster than the speed of light gave it away too. McGonagall just picked on Peter. Lily is disappointed. She is smiling but I can tell she is upset that she didn't give the answer. I know Lily like the back of my hand…or is it the front? I never understood that saying anyway.

"James?" came the voice of none other than Lily Evans. Is she talking to me? How did I miss that? And why is she talking to me, using my first name, in the middle of class?

"Yeah?" I half asked half answered. You can't blame me. I was thinking about Lily as always, and therefore have no idea what is going on. It's not the best feeling in the world.

"The bell just rang and you're the only one left in your seat," Lily informed me. I looked around and she was right. Everyone else had left the room. Sirius is probably getting a kick out of leaving me here right now. Bloody Brilliant. McGonagall is standing in the front of the room watching me with a confused expression on her face. So that was why Lily called me James instead of Potter, the arrogant ass or bullying toe rag. It all makes sense now.

"True," I said collecting my books. Maybe I could make it look like I wanted to be the only one here, "Besides yourself." Oh yeah! I got her there. Lily was still seated as well. Lily just looked at me blankly.

"Oh I guess you're right," she said her cheeks reddening. She looks so cute when she's embarrassed. "I just um thought that you might want to uh know that um." Lily could barely get her words out. And that was when Professor McGonagall intervened completely ruining my first civil conversation with Lily Evans in ages.

"Class is over and I would appreciate it if you both gathered your belongings and left my room," our Professor said like the strict woman she was. Lily and I hastily grabbed our books and sprinted out of possibly one of the most awkward situations of our lives. For some reason as soon as we were out of the Transfiguration classroom Lily broke down into giggles. She leaned on the wall for support she was laughing before. I couldn't help but join in her laughter. There was something about Lily's laugh that just made me want to laugh with her. And the two of us laughed our brains out leaning against the wall.

"Sorry," Lily managed to spit out between laughs, "I don't even know why I'm laughing. It wasn't even that funny."

"Me either," I lied. I was laughing because she was laughing…but Lily didn't need to know that. She was better off thinking I was absolutely insane just like her.

"We should probably go to Potions," Lily suggested straightening up.

"That would be smart," I said. Congratulations captain obvious. Duh going to class would be smart. I mentally smacked myself. What a stupid thing to say to the prettiest girl at Hogwarts. However, despite my stupid statement Lily smiled and actually walked to Potions class with me. Lily Evans walked with me! James Potter the bullying toe rag and arrogant ass. Unfortunately, on the way to Potions we ran into Sirius and Snape. The two didn't exactly get along very well. When it came to choosing sides I always chose the side of my best mate. This was something about me that seemed to constantly irritate Lily. She absolutely hated that I hexed Snape for the sake of it. But she was too good, to pure to understand our predicament.

As we got closer I could tell the two were in a fight. Judging by what I could hear they were only using words but who knew what could happen when Sirius and Snape got into a fight. It seemed as if Sirius was going to be the bigger person and walk away. But after Sirius turned his back for nearly a second he spun back around and socked Snape in the jaw. That had to hurt. I glanced at Lily who looked horrified. I felt bad for her. Snape was quick to retaliate. The Slytherin pulled out his wand but Sirius hit it away. I take no responsibility for what happened next. I don't know how or why but something came over me. I walked up to the bickering boys and stepped between the two.

"Guys quit it. This is stupid. Just pick up your wands and go into class." I seemed to be saying. I don't know how. Usually I would have jumped Snape and beat the crap out of him. In the end the strangest part wasn't my intervening but the fact that they actually listened to me. Snape bent down and picked up his wand. He then walked away from the three of us. Sirius mumbled something that I couldn't hear but he didn't go after Snape. I chanced a glance at Lily. She was just smiling at me in this strange way that I have never seen her smile before.

"Let's go to class James," she suggested. Sirius raised an eyebrow at me. Last time he checked Lily Evans hated my guts and never called me James. I just shrugged my shoulders back at him. Honestly I had no idea why Lily had this sudden change of heart but I certainly wasn't complaining. The three of us walked into Potions class right before the bell. It was our last class of the day and I thought that maybe today would be the day that on my 238th try Lily might finally accept my offer to go out with her.

Sitting on my stool in the cold dungeons I barely heard a word of the lesson. All I could do was watch Lily as she scribbled notes down. Occasionally she would stare out the window. Even perfect students like Lily daydreamed a little during class. Maybe, just maybe, she was thinking about me. Ok so maybe I'm a dreamer but hey you never know. I should have been paying attention in class. The next thing I knew Slughorn was telling us to get working on our potions. Dammit I didn't even know what I was supposed to be brewing.

I stopped whacking myself in the head to see my best female friend Kristen smiling at me. Like she knew something I didn't…which is very likely. She pointed at the blackboard positioned at the front of the room. The Draught of the Living Dead was written in big bold letters. Under it in smaller writing was the phrase to be brewed by memory. Ok I was officially screwed. There was no way I was going to be able to brew this potion from memory. No way in hell. Kristen was still smiling at me. Of course, she was a genius at Potions. Somehow she knew every ingredient to every potion we had ever been taught. Well good for her.

"What!" I mouthed at her. She was still smiling at me and I was starting to get frazzled. She just shook her head and walked to the store cupboards. I got up frustrated and followed her. We stood in line side by side waiting to get our ingredients out. I felt her hand in my pocket. What on earth was she doing?! It wasn't until she had collected her ingredients and left did I look to see what she left in pocket. It was a crumpled up piece of parchment. I quietly unfolded it to see a list of all the ingredients and steps to brew the Draught of the Living Dead written in her tiny neat handwriting. I collected the proper ingredients and returned to my stool. I was saved!

"I love you!" I mouthed across to the room to her. Kristen just shook her head and went back to her potion. Now that I had the steps down I let my guard loose. I was stirring too frantically and completely by accident I knocked my cauldron over on to Snape's head spilling the potion every where.

"Nooooo," I groaned. My day had been going perfect only to get ruined by energetic potion stirring!

"Potter!" roared a very angry Snape. Shit everyone began to look at us! Lily was still obliviously stirring her potion. I tried using Jedi Mind Control. _Lily do not look at me and Snape! I repeat do not look at me and Snape! _I thought desperately trying to send her mind messages.

"You so did that on purpose!" Snape continued. Jedi Mind Control should only be attempted by professionals. A. It doesn't work and B. It can give you a nasty head ache. Lily looked up and her eyes grew wide upon seeing a sopping Snape with my cauldron on his head. Oh well, I knew today was too good to last.

"What on earth is going on here?" asked Professor Slughorn hurrying over. I was immediately distracted by his pot belly. Would it really kill him to go on a diet?

"Potter threw his potion on me!" Snape shouted accusingly jabbing his long spindly finger at me. Ok that was a major exaggeration. I knocked the cauldron over while using energetic stirring techniques. Stirring and throwing are two completely different things. I tried using Jedi Mind Control on the professor. _It wasn't me! It's not my fault!_

"James I am very disappointed in you. Five points from Gryffindor and a detention with me tonight I think." Ok so Jedi Mind Control officially sucks. The way I see it I have two options. Option A. Yell at Snape for being a lying bastard and tell Slughorn that it wasn't my fault and I didn't do it on purpose. Option B. Just say nothing and go to the stupid detention. Maybe I'll actually beat Sirius this year. Option A is slightly more appealing to a teenage boy like me but Option B is clearly the more mature option. I'm going out on a whim here; today Lily thinks I'm mature. Option B it is.

I hung my head and stayed quiet. Slughorn seemed satisfied and walked away. I looked back up at Lily who was shaking her head at me. On the way out of the room she said in a clearly pissed off tone, "Well done Potter." Well there goes attempt number 238.

Later that night after coming back to the common room from an awfully boring detention I found it was deserted with the exception of Kristen. That was ok for me though because Kristen can tell when I just want to not talk about anything. She was in a silent mood tonight too. Apparently Remus had taken Peter to the library in a desperate attempt to get some studying done. Sirius was probably off snogging some nameless girl and Lily was still in hospital wing. During dinner she had a mental breakdown due to stress…also known as James Bryan Potter, me.

Maybe it was finally time to move on. Leave poor Lily alone and let her be happy without me. People always say if you really care about someone you can let them go. And whoever these people are SUCK because they are taking over my mind with their stupid sayings. Sirius always tells me that there are plenty of other bubbles in the cauldron. One particularly pretty bubble happened to be sitting right in next to me in a plush red armchair. Kristen has always been there for me when I needed to talk to someone about anything the guys just didn't understand. Maybe it was her way of trying to tell me something. Maybe it wasn't. But whenever the guys listed Lily alternatives Kris was always at the top of the list. Peter had always said we would make a cute couple.

I turned my head to observe her better. Her curly black hair was down today. Her electric blue eyes were gazing into the fire completely unaware of her surroundings. She was a lot different from Lily. Lily's red hair was a fiery mess and usually wavy and untamed but still attractive. Kristen always managed to tame her long black locks. While Lily's eyes were a distinct emerald green that you could get lost in Kristen's eyes were almost fierce. Kristen was usually a bundle of energy but she seemed drained at the moment. Lily was usually calm and had random spurts of energy.

"James you're going to stare a hole through my head," she said laughing. Ok so maybe she wasn't completely unaware of her surroundings. In a split second decision I leaned in and kissed her. I felt Kristen begin to kiss me back before she leapt away in shock.

"What the bloody hell was that?!" she demanded looking at me very confused.

"I dunno. People always said we'd make a good couple. Just testing the theory," I replied attempting to explain my impulsive decision. I stood up in front of her feeling suddenly very confident in what I was doing.

"And what did you conclude?" Kristen asked grinning a little.

"Well, you weren't expecting something like that so naturally you were in a considerable amount of shock," I deduced playing along with her. That was the thing with me and Kristen we could feed of each other extremely well.

"You don't go around kissing people randomly," Kristen told me sounding highly amused.

"So you didn't feel anything?" I asked curiously. She didn't seem to know what to say so I kept talking. "Let's try that again then." We kissed again and this time it was slightly more intense. Making out with Kristen came surprisingly natural. She was one hell of a kisser but I didn't feel the chemistry. That didn't stop me from being slightly disappointed when we broke apart though.

"Nothing," we said at the same time. We both began laughing nervously. I was starting to think this was a bad idea. I needed something to rectify my decision.

"One more time, just for the heck of it?" I asked grinning. This would probably be the only time I would get to make out with Kristen Shepherd. This job was usually saved for whatever poor, admiring bloke she felt like being with that week. Just as we began to heat up the portrait hole opened and in walked Lily. This was probably not good for her sanity. All she said was "Oh." before she ran up the stairs that lead to the girl's dorm. We broke apart still on the same verdict of nothing.

"Hey it was worth a shot. I'm trying to find my bubble here," I sighed in defeat. Attempt one at leaving Lily alone: failed.

"Bubble?" Kristen asked trying not to laugh. I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"Long story," I said knowing that eventually I would wind up explaining it to her anyway.

"Alright well I'm turning in. Good night!" Kristen said. After that sentence I could tell things weren't going to be awkward between us. We were too good of friends for awkward silences. I kissed her on the cheek, one more time for the heck of it. I was feeling reckless tonight. She laughed after I pulled away. Kristen was always in a good mood it took a lot to depress that girl and believe me I've seen it happen.

"James I'm not your bubble. Part of your ingredients but not your bubble." She said leaving the common room. I sighed falling back onto the couch. Kristen was right of course. When it came to knowing me she was always right. Damn her and her potiony smartness. I just had to pick potions analogy.

**(A/N please review! I would love you forever! And believe me the story gets really good honest!)**


	2. Dirty Little Secret

**(A/N Sorry this chapter is a little short...**

**and much thanks to yellow 14 who reviewed.)**

**Chapter Two: Dirty Little Secret **or

**James finds his bubble**

**Lily's point of view**

_Who has to know  
When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you._

_All American Rejects._

I want to cry and I have no idea why. Scratch that I know exactly why I want to cry. Bloody James Potter is why I want to cry! And I hate it. James Potter is not supposed to make me want to cry. James Potter is supposed to make me want to punch him. Today he was just so—so…different! I thought he had smartened up over the summer and matured. Oh hell was I wrong. And Kristen! She is supposed to be my friend! But I should have known. She was always hanging out with Potter. Insisting that he isn't all that bad. Ok so now I'm being a little bit ridiculous. The last day of fifth year I hated him. And now today, the first day of sixth year I like him? This whole thing does not make any sense what so ever. Ok now I am ready to cry. I can hear footsteps though, I need to hold back. Lo and behold it's Kristen! And joy, we're alone.

"Hey," said Kristen in a friendly manner. Who is she to be all happy?!

"Hey," I said sounding a lot more hostile than I had intended my greeting to be. Kristen gave me a questioning look. I cleared my throat and tried to cover up. "Woah my bad. Something is stuck in my throat." Kristen just laughed. Look at her laughing like that! That little 5'2 boy stealing—ok stop it Lily, get a grip! I need to find out the truth!

"So you and James?" I asked trying my best to smile pleasantly. I prided myself in my ability to control my temper…not. It was probably very clear that I was jealous of her much to my chagrin. I didn't want to be jealous. This is James Potter we are talking about. James Potter who is supposed to be an arrogant bullying toe rag, not to mention an insufferable git.

"Oh no!" Kristen laughed again, "No he was just seeing if we clicked. He was only trying to get over you." The dark haired girl grinned and then asked, "Why? Getting a little jealous?" Dammit, she was spot on. Then again, I was never quite good at hiding my emotions. My cheeks had a habit of betraying me whenever I was feeling embarrassed, angry, upset, or in this case jealous or overly emotional.

"No!" I shrieked way too early and my voice came out all high and funny. God, I hate it when that happens. Now my cheeks were a bright pink and my voice was all high pitched and squeaky.

"He is still down in the common room you know. Sitting by the fire. All alone," Kristen was trying to tempt me to go talk to James I just know it. Dammit, it's working!

"So," I said pretending not to know what Kristen was talking about. I thanked the heavens that my voice had gone back to normal.

"So you could always go talk to him," she tried again to persuade me to go downstairs.

"Me and James don't mesh," I reasoned while Kristen grinned like a mad woman. "What?" I asked. Her smile was starting to make me nervous. I could feel my cheeks coloring even further.

"You called him James," Kristen said still grinning.

'Well, that is his name," I tried explaining myself. Dammit, she caught me again. I was just not on top of things today.

"With you it's _always_ Potter," Kristen said putting emphasis on the always. When people point that out I tend to feel a tad bit guilty. I guess I just call him Potter out of habit. I mean after all those years of him being an arrogant bullying toe rag as well as an insufferable git he was deemed as Potter in my mind, never James…until quite recently.

"Oh, well I um, forgot?" I tried, quite lamely even in my own opinion, to make an excuse for the slip up.

"He's a really good kisser too," Kristen added. AHH WHY IS SHE TELLING ME THIS!? IS SHE TRYING TO KILL ME?! My cheeks were probably the same color as my hair by now.

"Ok I can't take this conversation anymore!" I let out storming downstairs. When I got to the common room I found that Kristen was right. James was just sitting in front of the fire looking completely zoned out. I took a deep breadth and then I began to wonder what on earth had possessed me to do this. I sat down next to James. I then realized that I had no plan. I had no idea what I was going to say. Lily Evans is not an impulsive person! Lily Evans does not do anything like this. Lily Evans thinks things through. Lily Evans really needs to stop referring to herself as Lily Evans; even inside her own head it is quite odd. Lily Evans really needs to get a grip on herself.

"Hey Evans," James said still looking at the fire.

"Hey James," I replied liking the way James rolled off my tongue. It felt so right. I can't believe I have never called James his actual name. At the sound of his first names James spun around to face me. Have I really been saying Potter that long?

"Are you feeling alright Evans?" he asked worriedly. Ok so maybe I have. I just laughed nervously and nodded my head.

"Yes_ James _I'm fine," I told him pleasantly.

"Evans, I'm not so sure about that. Maybe you should go to the hospital wing or something," James suggested. Why did he choose today to be a daft idiot and not sense the hint that I was dropping.

"No _James _that won't be necessary," I said to him still placing emphasis on his name. He had to get the hint eventually.

"Alright then Lily," James replied finally understanding what I was getting at. I like the way he says my name. James had always called me Evans. I usually flipped out at him if he called me anything but. I can't believe I never let him call me Lily.

"So you're over me?" I found myself asking him. I smacked myself in the head for saying that. It was very random and had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. I guess I just had to know. By now I was curious.

"I'm searching for my bubble," James told me. He then promptly hit himself in the head repeating my former action. My guess is because he said something like 'searching for his bubble'. Which was a very stupid thing to say but it did sound rather cute coming out of his mouth. I thanked the heavens that he didn't point out how inane my question had been.

"Well what does your bubble look like? Maybe I can help you find it," I said smiling and playing along with him.

"My bubble is kind of tiny. She has fiery red hair and the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen in my entire life," James said barely talking over a whisper.

"I think I found your bubble," I informed him leaning in and kissing James lightly. Ok so maybe it wasn't so lightly. In the end I wound up losing my balance and kind of toppling onto him. James didn't seem to mind though because he just kept on kissing me and I wasn't about to complain either.

"Can I ask you something?" James asked as we broke apart smiling at each other.

"Sure," I replied feeling like I already knew what James was about to ask.

"For the 238th time will you go out with me Lily Evans?" James asked unable to contain the grin playing at his slips. I was amazed, had he really asked me 238 times?

"I'd love to," I answered him. I couldn't help but add, "Have you really asked me 238 times."

"Ever since our first meal at Hogwarts I've been keeping track," James admitted sheepishly. "Sorry if you think that's kind of odd."

"No I think it's really cute," I was able to admit. Oh my god I can not believe I just told James something about him was cute. And then another thought occurred to me what were my friends going to say?! They didn't even have the slightest clue that I liked James. Except for maybe Kristen, she completely knew. Then I had another thought. We could have some fun with this.

"Hey here's a crazy idea," I said.

"Yeah?" James asked curiously.

"Lets try to keep us a secret. Act like there's nothing going on. We could sneak around. It could be really fun," I suggested.

"What? Why?!" James wanted to know.

"Well I just don't feel ready to tell the whole world that we are finally going out," I sighed. Honestly, I didn't want a relationship to interfere with my life for some unexplainable reason.

"Lily I don't get it why wouldn't you want people to know about us?" James said still really confused. I honestly felt pretty bad.

"I know but I just…" I couldn't explain myself.

"It could be fun," James started his inner marauding self coming out.

"It could be a lot of fun!" I added with a smile.

"And I can call you my Dirty Little Secret!" James said getting excited. I didn't even protest not wanting to risk a change in mind.

"Sure," I added feebly. Truth be told, I don't fully understand why I wanted the relationship between James and I to stay secret. It's my sixth year at Hogwarts and the last thing I need is to lose focus. I, Lily Marie Evans, am a very focused person. I am determined to do the best that I possibly can.

So my sixth year progressed as any other year would have with the exception of meeting up with James in empty classrooms and ditching my friends in Hogsmeade to be with him. Being with James, even in secret, was pure bliss. However, I began to get this feeling that people were catching on; especially Kristen Shepherd. After all, she was there when I ran down to find him in the common room. Oh well, it doesn't matter.

Unfortunately my apathetic views on the matter seemed to be tested two evenings later. James and I were up in the boy's dorm getting slightly intimate. Normally I wouldn't have agreed to snog him in the boy's dorm but he assured me all the other sixth year boys were in detention.

"Hey Prongs what's going…" Sirius barged into the room and immediately trailed off after seeing me lying on top of James, the two of us connected by the lips. Sirius just stared at the pair of us his mouth forming a slight O of surprise. We immediately leapt apart.

"Hey Padfoot," James greeted his friend warily.

"Bloody Hell!" Sirius exclaimed getting over his shock. "How long have you two been snogging the life out of each other?!" I frowned at his word usage.

"Since the first day back," replied James automatically. I shot James a look. "What he's my best mate and we are so obviously caught now." James said defensively.

"Sirius Black if you breath one word about James and I to anyone you are a dead man," I told the boy as I took control of the situation. Sirius just looked from James to me still slightly shocked.

"I can't believe it," he said shaking his head, "You two are together…like actually together. You two can be in a room without yelling at each other. I just can't believe it. This moment should go down in history. Why on earth would you not want to tell anybody about this?"

"Listen Padfoot. We would really appreciate if no one knew about this ok," James explained our situation to his best mate. "I think the reason our relationship is working out so well is because no one knows that we have one." Oh I taught him so well.

"Alright then," Sirius sighed sitting down on his bed.

"I guess I should be going then," I announced avoiding what could turn into a very awkward moment.

"Sorry for er, interrupting," Sirius smirked now having regained his usual manner. I rolled my eyes at his immaturity.

"Tell no one," I said frowning at him. I know Sirius is James's best mate and that he would never let him down but that doesn't mean I have to trust him. After all, I didn't even tell Julie, my best friend.

"I wont I promise," Sirius assured me as I left the room. For the sake of my sanity I hope he keeps his word.


	3. 500 Miles

**Chapter Three: 500 Miles **or

**Secrets get the best of Sirius.**

**Sirius's Point of View**

_When I wake up well I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you  
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you_

_If I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you  
And if I heaver yeah I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who's heavering to you_

_But I would walk 500 miles  
And I would walk 500 more  
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles  
To fall down at your door_

_ The Proclaimers._

I hate secrets. That's all there is to it. Secrets suck. You want to know what the problem with secrets is? They burn a whole into you. That's what they do; especially if you are the only one who knows the secret. I mean give me a break. You find your best friend snogging the life out of the girl of his dreams and then they tell you it's a secret. NOBODAY CAN KNOW! Otherwise their relationship will fall apart or something like that. It's all up to you because if one thing gets out about them. BAM. I'm not really sure what the bam was but I know it's not something good. So in conclusion, secrets are stupid.

You would think if Prongs and Evans want their snogging to be hushed they would be more careful. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They are as careless as can be. I've been forced to cover up for them thousands of times. It's getting old people. One of these days I'm just gonna POP! And then people will know. James and Lily have taken to arranging meeting places through mail. However, James's family owl is quite old and has a tendency to deliver mail to the wrong person.

According to Lily one morning at breakfast James's owl swooped in and dropped a letter onto Kristen Shepherd's head. The letter which was addressed to Lily only said. The Charms Corridor eight thirty. Of course Kristen saw this but she handed Lily the letter anyways. Lily reckons she didn't understand so she is still planning on meeting James there. I however, now know different.

"Hey Sirius!" Kristen said coming up to me later that evening in the common room.

"Hi?" I asked looking up. Kristen usually just flops down in front of you as a greeting. She never says hi first. So you can see why I was skeptical.

"You feel like taking a walk?" she asked.

"Not particularly," I replied not exactly wanting to get off the couch.

"This walk is very important," she persisted, "I think that there is something Lily and James aren't telling us." That caught my attention fast. She read between the lines of the letter! So now I _had_ to go with her. I had to make sure that Kristen did not go anywhere near the Charms Corridor from eight thirty until god knows when.

"On second thought let's go," I exclaimed leaping up. If Kristen wasn't so intent on finding out what was up with our friends she probably would have questioned my change of heart. As soon as we were out of the common room Kristen headed straight towards the Charms section of the castle.

"Im not really in the mood to go that way," I interjected. She raised an eyebrow at me. She was definitely going to make this difficult.

"Well, you can just put your moods aside then. I have this feeling that there is something that Lily and James aren't telling us. So we have to go this way," Kristen told me firmly. I couldn't really protest anymore or else she would get very suspicious. I did however; walk as slow as I possibly could. "Could you pick up the pace a bit?" she asked me impatiently.

"My feet are slow," was all I could think of. Which was of course, a lie. I have very fast feet I'm proud to say.

"You're feet are slow?" asked Kristen skeptically. Honestly who says my feet are slow? What was I thinking! See I told you secrets are bad, they mess up your brain.

"I'm just a slow walker is all," I tried again. Kristen sighed but seemed satisfied enough for the moment. However, she was anxious. I could tell by the way she kept seizing my wrist and checking my watch every five seconds. "Late for a date?" I joked. Kristen just narrowed her eyes at me.

"I like to know the time," was all she said. We walked some more and got dangerously close to the Charms Corridor. I could tell that we would be approaching Prongs and Lily any seconds. I needed to think of something and I needed to think of something fast.

"I need to pee!" I screamed suddenly.

"Thanks for sharing," Kristen said raising an eyebrow at me.

"Like right now. If I don't find a bathroom right now I will just…burst!" James better make this up to me.

"Well there's a bathroom right down there. I'll just wait for you right here," Kristen told me. I knew she was lying though. She was going to send me away to the bathroom and then run to the Charms Corridor and catch them. There was no way I was going to let that happen.

"NO!" I yelled probably too loudly. Kristen just looked bewildered. She was fixing me with this 'what the hell is your problem?!' glare. "I need you to come with me. I'm scared." James better give me all his chocolate frog cards when we get back to the dorm.

"You have got to be kidding me. There is no way I'm going into the bathroom with you. What could you possibly be scared of?!" Kristen demanded to know.

"You don't have to come in with me just wait by the door. Peeves likes to er, harass people while they pee," I explained somewhat lamely.

"Whatever," she said as her eyes caught my watch again. She was only wasting more time by talking to me right now. "Just make it fast ok?"

"I promise," I said grabbing her and running towards the bathroom. However, my luck could only take me so far. It turns out, James and Lily never made it to the Charms Corridor because two feet away for the bathroom the two were snogging. We were still far away enough from the bathroom that there was the chance she didn't see them yet. I stopped dead in my tracks and pulled her around the nearest corner.

"Ow Sirius what the hell! Didn't you see them!" she was being entirely too loud so I whipped out my wand and cast a silencing charm. She was going to kill me later I could tell by the way she was opening and closing her mouth and an alarming speed. She then proceeded to aim a kick at me.

"Stop!" I said angrily. "This is for your own good ok." I lead the angry girl into the nearest classroom which was thankfully vacant.

"Muffliato," I said before removing the silencing spell.

"BLOODY HELL BLACK! WHAT WAS THE MEANING OF THAT! WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO DRAG ME AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL! DID YOU NOT JUST SEE WHAT I SAW! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!" she immediately began yelling. To be honest I wasn't listening I was just letting her yell at me so she could calm down. "James and Lily. Lily and James. I knew she liked him but Merlin I never knew she would do anything about it!" Finally she was speaking rationally.

"Wait, you knew she liked him?" I asked confused.

"Long story," she replied happy that she knew something I didn't. "Now explain yourself."

"Ok so they have been doing that for the past two months. A few weeks ago I walked in on them but they made me promise not to tell anyone!" I said telling the truth. It felt rather good that the secret was out of me.

"So that's why you started screaming about having to pee…and being too scared?" she asked laughing.

"I was keeping their secret thank you very much," I defended myself unblushingly.

"This is so crazy. I have to go. I have to tell Caroline and Emily and Julie and"

"NO!" I cut her off, "We have to keep their secret. If we don't everything will fall apart and then BAM!"

"What is the bam?" she asked.

"I don't know somebody gets hit by the whomping willow? Just something bad ok!" I said.

"Ok I get it. Nobody can know," Kristen said hopefully catching my drift.

"Ok good," I sighed in relief. I told you secrets are not good. They drain you of all your energy. "Now when we leave we have to make sure not to make a lot of noise and to avoid them at all costs." Kristen just rolled her eyes at me but did not protest this time. We made it safely back to the common room. When James and Lily came in fifteen minutes later I couldn't help but exchange a knowing glance with Kristen. It was good not to be the only one who is keeping their secret.

Unfortunately this peacefulness that the secret became was changed the next week. It all started with James and Lily being careless about choosing a meeting spot. They had chosen an empty classroom on the fifth floor. Kristen and I were on the way to lunch when we spotted them and we took it upon ourselves to guard the door just in case anyone undesired spotted them through the glass window we were standing in front of. After two minutes maybe Kristen's best friend Caroline Bailey walked by and saw us.

"Hey why aren't you guys at lunch?" she asked curiously. In my defense, my ability to come up with excuses falters when I am keeping other people's secrets and not my own. It was when I shifted my position that she saw through the window and began to squeal.

"Shit no Caroline SHUT UP!" exclaimed Kristen.

"NOO STOP!" I yelled adding to the noise. I glanced back into the window to see James and Lily looking very alarmed. They had noticed the commotion taking place outside.

"JAMES AND LILY ARE!" but she didn't get any further before Kristen interrupted and began yelling nonsense words such as LALALALA AHH LALA. I joined in. The two of us were making as much noise as possible so James and Lily wouldn't hear what Caroline was saying. If they found out that Caroline knew about them James and Lily would be very upset.

"What's going on out here?" asked James coming out of the classroom. Lily had opted to stay back because she didn't want to raise suspicion.

"We were just yelling because Kristen was upset about failing an exam," I said doing some quick thinking. Caroline suddenly looked very confused. She opened her mouth probably to accuse James of doing something with Lily but we never found out because Kristen promptly fell into a fit of hysterics. She began yelling and crying. It got very loud. I was very impressed.

"Caroline how about you go and comfort your friend in the hospital wing," I suggested with a very meaningful look. Caroline got the hint and the two left.

"Wow that was close," Lily said coming out of the classroom.

"You two have got to be more careful!" I said pointing my finger at them. And with that I went after Kristen and Caroline. I had to help explain things. I found the two of them standing by McGonagall's room.

"So you're saying James and Lily think Sirius is the only one who knows?" Caroline was asking Kristen. The latter nodded her head. "That is so crazy!"

"Bloody hell that was close," I said walking up to the pair of them.

"Good thinking with that excuse," Kristen told me.

"What was the crying fit for?" I asked laughing.

"Caroline was about to say something that would have surely given everything away," Kristen said defensively. Caroline didn't protest because it was obviously true, "At least I didn't tell them I needed company going to the bathroom."

"Fair enough," I said because I didn't want Caroline to find out about the bathroom incident.

"I get the feeling that this has been going on for a while," Caroline observed.

"For just about two months," I told her, "And I've been thinking now that we all know we should just go and tell them that we know." I really wanted this whole secret thing to be over and done with.

"Or maybe, we could play with their minds now that we know," Caroline said.

"Yeah!" agreed Kristen excitedly, "Like when they are always going to the library to 'study' we could give them a bunch of books to return and a list of books to take out!"

"And when they go to the kitchens because the house elves 'forgot to give their robes back' we can just give them laundry that the house elves 'forgot to pick up'!" Caroline added smiling.

"Yeah yeah!" I pretended to be excited, "And how about we TELL THEM WE KNOW!"

"You're no fun," Caroline said frowning.

"And don't you go telling them that we know!" Kristen demanded. I just rolled my eyes. It's about time Lily and James face the consequences for not being careful anyways.

Later that day back at the common room…

As predicted James and Lily both jumped up at the same time and announced they needed to go to the library and get some real studying done. Sure enough they pretended to look politely confused at each other, faking that they didn't know that the other one had the same desire.

"In that case," said Kristen pulling out a large stack of books, "Could you return these for me. They're just about to be over due." My good friend Remus Lupin frowned considerably.

"How many time do I have to remind you to return your books at least a week before the return date," he said.

"About a thousand," she replied handing her books to James.

"Oh wait!" cried Caroline digging in her pocket. She pulled out a rather lengthy list. "I need to check these out for Muggle Studies," a class she knew neither of them took, "Could you pick them up for me?" she asked Lily smiling sweetly. Remus peered over at the list.

"That's funny I don't recognize," he began but I stepped on his foot silencing him. If Remus continued he would have blown the girls' cover. I would probably need to explain the situation to him later on due to the fact that he is now glaring at me whilst rubbing his foot.

"Sure," replied Lily sweetly. Her gentle smile turned into a frown when she saw how many books were on the list.

_**The following conversation was told to me by my good buddy Prongs later on:**_

Lily and James were walking to the library not in the best of moods.

"These books are really heavy," James said struggling under the weight of the books Kristen had given him.

"Well you're going to need to help me carry these back for Caroline. This list is endless!" Lily exclaimed.

"It's almost as if they knew we were both going to go to the library," James said in a joking manner. Lily however, perceived this statement differently.

"Yeah and that they gave us all this just to have some fun," Lily said pensively. James laughed.

"That would be weird…" he said smiling but his smile soon fell from his face. The couple turned and faced each other. At the exact same moment they realized the truth.

"They know."

_**End of Conversation between Prongs and his girl.**_

"Sirius," James said later on that night, "Did you by any chance happen to let it slip about me and Lily?"

"No," I replied. I wasn't lying either. Caroline and Kristen both found out on their own.

"We know they know Sirius," James told me.

"Oh good, so then can you please tell them that and we can get rid of all the secrets in the world." I said feeling quite relieved.

"Nope, Lils and I would like to have some fun of our own," James told me grinning.

"Or, you could tell them." I tried to no avail.

"Don't you dare tell them we know they know," James instructed.

"I won't," I sighed. They would find out on their own eventually.

The next day…

"Kristen have I ever told you that you are beautiful," James said out of nowhere. Caroline, Kristen, and I exchanged confused glances. Caroline and I slowly backed away from the two but not too far that we couldn't over hear the conversation.

"I mean you have such long legs," he went on.

"No I don't I'm 5'2 James," Kristen told him matter o' factly.

"You are just hot!" he declared.

"I'm leaving now," Kristen said running over to us.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Caroline exclaimed.

"I don't know it was like he was hitting on me but doing a very bad job. And plus he's already tried that," Kristen said.

"He's already tried that?!" this was news to me.

"Who was hitting on you?" Remus asked joining the group. Caroline shot me a worried look but I just shrugged my shoulders. Whatever, Remus would find out anyways, he's smart like that.

"But James would never do that to Lily," Kristen said reasonably.

"Unless they know we know!" exclaimed Caroline.

"Know what?" asked Remus still confused. I quickly filled him in. The two girls then turned to me.

"Did you tell them?" demanded Caroline.

"Not a word," I said truthfully.

"Well we have no choice just play along," Caroline decided, "Go back out there and flirt with him! We will not give in!" So Kristen scurried off and Remus, Caroline, and I hid behind a couch.

"Hey James, oh no!" Kristen said as she dropped her wand, "I'm just so clumsy." She made sure to bend over and give James a view of her butt. James looked thrown off course. It was a very nice butt after all. He probably hadn't planned on retaliation.

"Hey good looking," he said but he didn't sound as confident before.

"Oh crap!" said Kristen loosing her balance and falling so as James would be an idiot if he didn't try to catch her. "Oh hello Mr. Muscle have you been working out lately?"

"Oh umm, well er, Quidditch and stuff," said James very flustered. I could practically read his mind. His competitive side wanted Kristen and Caroline to be the ones to give in to the little game they had invented but he felt like flirting with her was cheating on Lily.

"Why have you and I never actually gotten together besides that one time way back in September?" she asked playfully. That one time back in September…what the hell was she talking about? And why did it make me feel uncomfortable?

"Well uh."

"We should do something tonight," she kept going luring him into a trap.

"I'm uh."

"You could meet me down here at eleven thirty," continued Kristen.

"That's a tad late."

"And you could let me feel some more of those muscles…and perhaps more," she said smirking. James didn't have anything to say this time. He was probably way too shocked. "Ok then I'll see you later," Kristen said.

"Er ok then," was all James could say. Kristen then walked back to us.

"You were brilliant," Caroline said giggling.

"Oh hello Mr. Muscle?" asked Remus smirking.

"Shut up!" laughed Kristen, "I was improvising!"

"I can't believe he agreed to let you feel his muscles and more!" I said in disbelief.

"I can't believe he would do that to Lily," said Remus after having been filled in on the situation.

"Oh they so know that we know they know we know," Caroline said in realization.

"Don't you tell them we know they know we know," Kristen ordered me.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," I said honestly. All these secrets and they know and we knows were beginning to make my head spin.

"Tonight, you'll get him to confess and we'll win!" Remus exclaimed. I shot him a look. He'd only been clued in about ten minutes ago and he was getting to be just like the rest of them.

"And don't worry we will be hiding and watching the whole time," Caroline said.

"Oh that's reassuring," replied Kirsten sarcastically.

"I'm not so sure about this guys. Couldn't we just tell them?" I suggested.

"Just think about it this way. The sooner we get James to crack the sooner the secret is out," Remus told me and then I was convinced. However, something was telling me that Kristen had a secret of her own. "That one time way back in September." What the bloody hell was she talking about. Oh Merlin! Kristen and James must have hooked up in September! For a second I thought I felt a little bit of jealousy in that she would pick James over me. But that's stupid I must have imagined that twinge of jealousy.

"So," said Kristen awkwardly.

"Yes, so," came James's voice. We had dressed Kristen up all slutty because the way we saw it was the sluttier she looked the faster he would crack.

"You know what I want to do," she practically whispered.

"What?" James's voice came out slightly strangled.

"I want you to take off all my clothes and then," but she didn't have to finish.

"Wait I've just remembered I forgot something upstairs," James yelled all of a sudden.

"A condom?" offered Kristen.

"Um yeah sure," replied James, "be right back." He then ran up the stairs. Kristen ran over to us.

"He's not cracking he just went to get a condom!" she exclaimed, "I want to win Caroline but I will not screw James!"

"Ok ok, relax lets think," Caroline said to the three of us.

"I've got nothing," Remus said.

"Show him you're bra," I told her.

"What?" asked Caroline nonplussed.

"Bras make him nervous," Remus confirmed.

"What do you want me to do just whip out my bra?" she asked confused. I rolled my eyes.

"Come here," I said and in one swift movement unbuttoned the top buttons of her shirt. Remus shook his head disapprovingly.

"Holy crap!" Caroline exclaimed, "Where the hell did you learn to do that!?"

"You didn't even break any buttons!" Kristen exclaimed clearly pleased.

"Ok now get your boobs away from us," Caroline said frowning as Remus and my gaze's left their faces and traveled slightly downward. We're guys you can't blame us. "He's coming back."

"Ok I've got the condom and you've got your bra!" James exclaimed obviously thrown off course. It was so hard for me to contain my laughter.

"Yep," replied Kristen, "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Not if I kiss you first." Remus and I looked shocked. He wasn't supposed to say that.

"He's probably bluffing," Caroline whispered. But we then looked back and they were actually kissing!

"Make it stop!" I whispered, "Make it stop!"

"Shut up Padfoot!" hissed Remus. We kept watching and saw Kristen move her hands to undo his belt.

"Don't do it!" I moaned quietly. There was that stupid jealous twinge again.

"AH OK YOU WIN!" James leapt back when she touched his pants. I couldn't help but feel very relieved. I told myself this was because I didn't want my best friend to cheat on his girlfriend, and I didn't want Lily to get hurt.

"Yes!" exclaimed Kristen as the three of us jumped out from behind the couch. Kristen and Caroline high fived each other.

"I can't let you 'feel my muscles and more'." James admitted defeat.

"And why not?" asked the girls smirking.

"Because I'm in love with Lily!" James said to a now shocked audience.

"WHAT?!" asked Lily coming down the boy's staircase.

"I'm in love with you," James said turning towards her.

"I love you too," she replied smiling up at him.

"I would like to take this time to ruin the lovely moment and point out that Kristen you need to button up your shirt and Sirius you need to stop staring!" Caroline ruined the lovely moment. Ok I admit it, I find one of my friends extremely attractive. Where's the harm in that?

"Sorry," I mumbled averting my eyes as Kristen blushed and began to fix her shirt.

"So now everyone knows," Remus said.

"WE CAN TELL THE TRUTH!" I exclaimed happily.

"Well actually, Peter, Emily, and Julie don't," James pointed out. My face fell.

"Oh what the hell forget it," Lily said at last.

"No more secrets?" I asked. It was almost too good to be true.

"No more secrets," Lily confirmed.

"Oh thank Merlin."

(Kudos to whoever can tell me what TV show I got some of the plot points from.)


	4. I'm Not That Girl

**Chapter Four: I'm Not That Girl **or

**Caroline Talks **

**Caroline's Point of View**

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl_

_Wicked._

It's so good that all the secrets are out. Sirius has become a lot more normal now that he isn't making up excuses to cover for Lily and James. Of course, it took awhile for the rest of the school to accept the idea of the two of them together. Some people thought it was a joke, others a bet. The only people who took them seriously were the Gryffindors and a handful of the Hufflepuffs.

I have to say it's taken a lovely weight off my shoulder. No more we know they know we knows…but that was fun. It was nice to be the only one who knows something. Well, Kristen, Sirius, and Remus knew too but still you know what I mean.

And speaking of Kristen what has gotten into her these days? In class she is always either day dreaming, which is usual Kristen behavior, or glancing at Sirius, which is SO NOT! As her best friend it is my duty to make sure that Sirius Black is never a bigger part of her life than he has to be. They must remain friends and friends only!

I know I know, that sounds pretty crazy. But I know Sirius Black, I dated Sirius Black. Sirius Black is a cheater and a man whore. At first you're like ok so let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, just maybe, all the rumors aren't true. So you're like ok Sirius let's give you a chance. He starts out all nice, and seems like the perfect boyfriend. But oh no don't let that trick you. Right when you least expect it BAM he decides one girl is not enough for him and suddenly it's all your fault because you never said that you were going to be "exclusive."

Anyways, I don't like him much. So as Kristen is my best friend it's my duty to protect her from the evil that is Sirius Black. Don't get me wrong, Sirius is an ok guy. According to James he is a good friend so I guess that counts for something. He did do his best to keep the secret of James and Lily going out and stuff. But Sirius is not to be trusted when it comes to relationships. So you can see why I absolutely need to find out what in Merlin's name is going on between him and Kristen.

We are now in Charm's class and I have decided enough is enough. Kristen is letting her glance stray from the window to a certain Black too much for my liking. I decided to write her a note. I decided to be very nice about it and take my time getting to the matter of importance…not.

**Could you please tell me why the hell you are gazing dreamily at Sirius Black!??!!?!??!!?!!?**

_**-Car, he really isn't all that bad. You just hate him for whatever happened between you two that made you dump him.**_

__**Oh please, that has nothing to do with this. Listen, I know you guys got close being the only two knowing about James and Lily for awhile. But please Kristen, for your own good stay away from him. Unless you're just having friendly polite conversation. I guess he can't hurt you that way.**

** -**_**Dramatic much?! I'm totally on your side don't forget. I hate that he did whatever it was that he did to you. When do you plan on telling me anyways? All I'm saying is that maybe he's changed.**_

__**Like how? It's obvious Sirius Black is a serial dater. He obviously knows about your er, reputation. Not to be rude or anything but let's face the facts, you've been around.**

_**-Gee thanks. Alright well I guess I should tell you this. Sirius and I made a bet. No snogging for a month, for either of us, and if he can pull through I'll give him a chance.**_

__**Sirius Black not snogging for a month is not possible. How do you know he won't lie?**

_**-It was a magical bet so I will know if he lies or not.**_

** But in all seriousness I don't think it's going to happen Kristen.**

_**-Like I said, maybe he changed. **_

__**I doubt it.**

_**-Way to be supportive.**_

__**Well, you can stop staring at him now.**

_**-Ha ha you're so funny.**_

__**In all seriousness just because Sirius doesn't snog anyone for a month doesn't mean that he's changed.**

_**-Yeah but it will prove to me that it's not the thrill of the chase and that he really does want to go out with me and I'm not just the girl of the week.**_

__**Like I was.**

_**-I didn't mean it like that. **_

__**I know. **

That discussion just proved that Kristen has already fallen into his trap. I need to take matters into my own hands. Kristen probably thinks I'm just some bitter jealous ex girl friend. I just don't want to see her get hurt…the same way he hurt me. It's taken a long time for me to admit that his cheating on me actually did affect me. I pretended to play it cool like it was no big deal and I was going to break up with him anyway.

I mean I was the first person in the history of Hogwarts to ever break up with Sirius. Unless you count the time James and Sirius had this ridiculous fight in fourth year and Sirius told James they were better off not being friends so James told Sirius he was breaking up with him. But they were idiots back then…they still can be.

Anyways, I was saying that I was the first person ever to break up with Sirius. Usually, he has the decency to break up with his current girlfriend before he goes chasing after another one but oh no! He must have forgotten to end things with me when he went chasing after his new girl of the week. It's final I need to keep Sirius from hurting Kristen!

**Name: **_Agent Caroline_

**Mission: **_Track down Sirius and keep him from hurting my best friend. _

**Deadline: **_One month from now._

**Field Notes: **_**Make sure Kristen has no idea of the intended mission.**_

So it's decided that I need to track down Sirius and give him a piece of my mind. I don't want Kristen to know that I am 'interfering' though. If she finds out she will think I'm just crazy. However, I am not crazy. I'm being a good friend. I don't want to see her get hurt the way I did.

"Hey Emily!" I said sitting next to my friend and fellow sixth year Gryffindor in the common room. Emily Lawrence probably had the most common sense out of my friends. I really need to ask her for some advice.

"What's up Caroline?" she asked looking up from her book.

"I need to ask you a hypothetical question for this survey thing," I said. The only reason I lied is because what I need is an unbiased answer.

"Ok then shoot," she said folding the page of her book and setting it aside.

"You know you really shouldn't do that," Remus Lupin said coming up to us. He was referring to the dog earring of the book.

"I don't have a bookmark," Emily said defensively. Remus just shook his head and tore a bit of parchment. He unfolded the page and placed the bit of parchment inside the book as a place holder. He then continued to sit down on the couch next to us. It was only supposed to be Emily that I asked for advice from. Remus is a smart guy though so I guess it won't hurt for him to hear the hypothetical question.

"Do you need someone else for the survey?" Emily asked me.

"Yeah sure," I said.

"Ok Remus listen up. Caroline needs to complete a survey and we have to solve this hypothetical problem," Emily said explaining. Emily was always trying to find ways to help her friends. This is precisely the reason that I chose her to ask for advice.

"So let's say you have a really good friend and a not so good friend right. The not so good friend is known to cheat on people but the really good friend is falling for the not so good friend and vice versa. So you don't want your good friend to get hurt and you have already tried to make her see reason and it didn't work. What would you do?" I spoke quickly. I had actually come up with what to say before I talked to them. Which, I'll have you know is not something I do often.

"And this is for a survey?" Remus asked skeptically. Damn I shouldn't have let him hear. He is way too perceptive. He is sure to have picked up on the fact that Sirius is, I guess the word is interested, in Kristen. Guys talk and Sirius and Remus are pretty good friends.

"For a survey," I told him.

"I would just keep trying to talk to my really good friend. I mean if you are really good friends she will get that you are just looking out for her. Then if she ignored me and went out with this not so good friend anyways I would just be there to help her if she does get hurt," Emily said after some thinking. That was probably what I should do.

"I would do the same. It's not really my business what happens between my friends," Remus said shooting me a knowing glance. And then my mind was made up. It was so obvious that Remus was going to take Sirius's side on this. I should have known.

"Well thanks guys this really helps a lot!" I said cheerfully and then I walked away. Remus however, caught up to me.

"You're survey wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with the possible situation between Sirius and Kristen would it?" he whispered.

"No. Why would you think that?" I asked innocently.

"Don't play stupid with me Caroline," he said rather seriously.

"So then I expect you'll be cheering for Sirius when he cheats on my best friend," I retaliated.

"So that's what happened," Remus said solemnly.

"What?" I asked bewildered.

"You and Sirius never told anyone what happened that made you dump him," Remus reminded me.

"Oh well there you have it," I said angrily stomping away. Remus didn't follow me this time. In my anger I stomped right into Sirius.

"Just when this day couldn't get any worse," I growled.

"Um sorry?" Sirius said nonplused. After we broke up Sirius and I decided to be friends so usually I'm not cold with him.

"Been cheating on anyone else lately?" I spat at him. All my frustration was just pouring out of me.

"Caroline I thought you and I decided to put that in our past. Forgive and forget remember?" Sirius said at least having the decency to look upset.

"Well it turns out I haven't forgiven you yet. And I most certainly did not forget how you are Black!" I retorted.

"I'm sorry for the thousandth time Caroline! I was really stupid last year!" Sirius said defensively.

"Yeah well I don't think you've gotten any smarter," I told him.

"I'm touched by your kindness. Really I am," he replied sarcastically.

"Stay away from me and my friends Black!" I hissed.

"Glad to," he answered in his own growl.

"And I don't care if you can keep your tongue out of people's mouths for a month it doesn't mean that you can change!" I informed Sirius.

"How did you know about that?" Sirius asked me confused.

"In case you've forgotten Kristen and I are best friends Black. And you know what best friends do? They look out for each other," I explained myself.

"I'm aware of that Bailey," said Sirius using my last name.

"So you stay away from Kristen," I warned him.

"You can't tell me who I can go near and who I can't," Sirius sounded infuriated.

"You know what I think?! I think Kristen is just another girl of the week to you. You only want her because you know you can't have her and you don't care about anyone's feelings but your own. You only want to go out with her so you can get you're revenge on me!" I said all my theories spilling out of my mouth.

"Wow you caught me," Sirius laughed sarcastically, "I'm only attracted to Kristen because I want revenge on you for breaking up with me when I deserved it. Yeah that sounds about right," he was mocking me now.

"Go to hell Black!" I growled at him.

"See you there!" he retaliated and then added as an afterthought, "I'll have you know that I actually like Kristen for who she is. I'm really trying here to prove myself but apparently people aren't allowed second chances in your little world." However, I just pretended I didn't hear him as I walked away. It's not my fault that Sirius is a very good actor. Pretending to be all sorry like that. Now all I had to do is make sure Kristen didn't know I had gotten into a fight with Sirius about her. She would think I was the worst best friend ever for trying to take her love live into my hands.

Unfortunately when I went back up to my dorm half an hour later Kristen was standing in the center of the room her arms crossed looking, very angry. She probably had found out.

"Hey Kris listen," I began but when Kristen gets mad she doesn't want to hear anything from anyone else. She just yells and lets it all out. So naturally she cut me off.

"So you think the only reason Sirius is interested in me is to get revenge on you?" she asked me her voice shaking from emotion. I could tell she was really upset because she wasn't yelling. Instead she was talking in a hollow low voice. The expression on her face was enough to tell me that my words had wounded her.

"Kris I didn't mean it like that," I tried again.

"Oh right," she said sarcastically. Usually I find her sarcasm highly amusing that is, when she isn't using it on me. She then changed her voice to a more serious one, "I wasn't denying the possibility that I was just another girl of the week to Sirius but to say that he would use me?!" Kristen exclaimed sounding hurt. It was official; I am the worst best friend ever.

"I'm sorry Kristen," I said but she was off again.

"I can't believe you think the only reason Sirius would like me is to get back at you Caroline! Kristen half shouted. She was going to get loud if I didn't stop her.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled knowing she would. The trick to getting Kristen to listen is to yell right back at her. "Listen I'm sorry for what I said. Black just got me so mad I wasn't thinking straight. You are amazing Kris, and he would have to be a complete idiot not to like you." I didn't mention how I thought Black already was a complete idiot despite our agreement to be friends. However, my speech made its point.

"Thanks Care. Sorry for freaking out like that," Kristen said smiling.

"Im sorry too," I said returning the grin. Things had a tendency to always work out with us. We were best friends after all. And it is my duty as Kristen's best friend to make sure that even if she chooses to go for Black and he hurts her that I'm there to catch her when she falls. Because that's what best friends do.

_Much thanks to __**yellow14**__ and good call __**care.**__ Leave a review and tell me what you think!_


	5. How Far We've Come

**Chapter Five: **or **How Far We've Come**

**Emily tells it like it is.**

**Emily's Point of View.**

_**But I believe the world is burning to the ground**_

_**Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out**_

_**Let's see how far we've come**_

_**Let's see how far we've come**_

_** Matchbox 20**_

That's it. All of my friends have officially gone insane. James Potter and Lily Evans are enjoying each other's company. Lily has even stopped calling James, Potter! Oh and Sirius and Kristen haven't snogged anyone in weeks. Which is so not like them. Not to mention, Caroline, who is Kristen's best friend, is acting totally fake around her. I don't think anyone else has realized this though, not even Kristen. Oh there's Remus and Julie too! Last week they were arguing like crazy and now they are all over each other! I can usually tell when something isn't right with my friends. And let's face it, right now, something is so not right.

I'm starting to think there's more to James and Lily than meets the eye. Last year, all they could do was fight and now they're constantly sneaking off to be with each other. It's actually kind of nice that Lily has finally decided to give James a chance. He was head over heals for her since day one. James has been trying to get Lily to see him in a new light for quite some time now.

Peter has taken up the art of disappearing. I swear it! One minute he'll be right there next to Sirius and the next no one knows where he's gone off to. James, Sirius, and Remus have confronted him at least a dozen times but he flat out denies his new vanishing act. I don't know who he thinks he's kidding because there's no way he hasn't been running off lately.

Now Remus and Julie, something is definitely evolving with them. They used to fight over the silliest things. They would bicker over which creature was mistreated the most or house elf rights and who ate the last chocolate frog! But these days, they're inseparable.

Probably the overall weirdest situation is the one involving Caroline, Sirius, and Kristen. It's no question that Caroline doesn't like Sirius. Everyone knows it. Just like the sky is blue, Caroline Bailey hates Sirius Black. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not blaming her in the least. But this doesn't explain why she is being so fake to Kristen. You see, Kristen and Sirius have some sort of bet going on. Neither of them can snog anyone for a month and then the two of them will give it a shot. I'm still not exactly sure what _it_ is though. It's extremely weird not to see Sirius attached to some girl by the lips. And Kristen, who usually bathes in the attention she gets from guys, is ignoring males altogether.

I have really got to put an end to this madness. I can tell when things with my friends are getting weird. It's usually my job to intervene and then everything will work out. I'm like the glue that holds us all together or whatever. Well that's what Julie says anyways. So first things first, Lily and James.

"Hey Lily!" I said when Lily came up to the dorm.

"Hey Em what's up?" Lily asked plopping down next to me on my bed. I took no offense…we invite ourselves over each other's houses and sit on each other's beds. My friends and I are just that close.

"Just thinking, so you and James huh?" I asked the question burning in my mind.

"Yeah. I know it seems crazy seeing as just last year I hated him with a burning passion. But this year, I don't know he's changed. James is much more mature and I guess once I got to know him I found out all these amazing things about him that just made me love him more and more." Lily confessed with a silly smile on her face. Oh she had it bad.

"You love him?" I asked eagerly.

"Yeah, I really do. I mean obviously half the school thinks this is some sort of joke but it's the real thing. Every time he walks into the room my heart skips a beat. I get so ecstatic at just the sight of him or the sound of his voice. I can't stop thinking about him. The best part is knowing that he loves me too," Lily spilled.

"That's really great Lily," I said honestly. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I had never been in love with someone before. Lily looked so blissfully happy. "If anyone ever says it's a joke to my face or I hear them saying it I will make sure that everyone knows they are very wrong," I added supportively.

"Thanks Em. It does get a little frustrating when no one believes me," Lily admitted. "Some of the Hufflepuffs think he gave me a love potion! I can't believe them." Lily looked upset at the thought of this.

"That's because they don't know you like we do Lils," I told her truthfully.

"Yeah you're right," Lily smiled again. "Thanks Em you're the best." What can I say? I'm here to help. Next in line was finding out what was up with Peter. However, I have some foreboding about this one. I never really liked Peter all that much. Ok and I'm a little afraid of what will happen if I try to talk to him. I mean, he freaks out if James, Remus, or Sirius, mentions anything and they're his best friends. Maybe he's only disappearing because he's trying to let us know he doesn't want to hang around us anymore. I don't know, but I figured this one was the boy's problem and they could handle it fine without my help.

Alright, now I have to go find Julie and talk to her about Remus. Although, the way things are going today chances are she is probably going to confess her love for Remus. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me. It would be rather upsetting but not entirely surprising. I found Julie in the common room reading some book. She didn't even notice me when I sat down next to her because she was way into it.

"Julie!" I said after a couple of minutes. She shrieked in surprise.

"Oh my god Em I didn't see you there! I was reading this book Remus let me borrow," Julie said carefully book marking the page rather than dog-earing it like I knew she used to.

"Oh _Remus_ gave it to you?" I asked imploringly.

"Don't even. Lily already tried to give me that speech today," Julie laughed.

"What speech?" I asked pretending to be all innocent.

"Do you like him Julie? Because if you do you can totally tell me! I mean I went through that same thing with James you know," Julie repeated what Lily probably had said to her earlier. I laughed because that was typical Lily.

"Well do you?" I asked. I already knew the answer she would give and as much as I didn't want to hear her say yes she did I would help her out. Honestly, I've had a thing for Remus for ever, but Merlin knows I have no chance, so I may as well help Julie get her chance.

"I don't know honestly. I mean I told Lily I didn't because I just don't know. I mean she is so into James or whatever and she thinks it would be fun if the four of us could hang out but still I don't see why I have to like Remus for the four of us to hang out. I mean I sort of do…but sometimes I have a hard time believing that he could like a girl like me," Julie confessed at a rather quick speed. Julie talks extremely fast when she's nervous.

"Wait a second Jules. What do you mean a girl like you?" I asked her after digesting everything she had said.

"I'm the definition of Plain Jane! Except with the extra bonus of the most awkward long legs ever," Julie blanched.

"You are so not plain Jane," I told Julie, "Have some confidence. You are an amazing person looks and mind so don't put yourself down ever."

"Yeah ok. Will you talk to Remus for me?" Julie asked.

"Nope," I replied bluntly, "You will talk to Remus for you."

"You know what I think I will," Julie decided getting up and taking her book with her. "Thanks Em you're the best!" She called over her shoulder as Julie set off in search of Remus Lupin. I just set up my friend with the guy I've liked for years...well that takes care of that. I sighed to myself now all that's left is perhaps the biggest situation. Not that I'm a brownnoser and enjoy getting involved in other people's business's it's just I can tell when my friends need help. And right now, my friends need help.

I was on my way to find Kristen when I passed an empty classroom where loud voices were coming from. I could recognize the tones of Sirius Black and James Potter anywhere.

"So let me get this straight," Sirius was saying, "You kissed her?"

"Yes but it was only four times," James said as if this was supposed to make Sirius feel better.

"I thought you said once?!" exclaimed Sirius shocked.

"Four times in one day," James corrected.

"Oh my god what about Lily?!" Sirius demanded, "What about Lily? And what about me?"

"Sirius calm down. It was the first day of term before Lily and I started going out and before you told me that you liked Kristen ok? Relax." James tried to make his friend listen.

"So you just decided to kiss one of your best friends for the heck of it?!" Sirius asked bewildered.

"See this is why I didn't tell you because I knew you would act this way," James tried explaining. I knew something had happened between Kristen and James. They weren't acting different per say, but they seemed to share some sort of connection these days.

"How would you act if I told you I kissed Lily," Sirius asked.

"Now that's not fair," James said but I was forced to dive out of the way because Sirius slammed the door open and was stalking out of the classroom. Now I'm not usually the type of person who listens in on other people's conversations, believe me I'm not. However, this is a situation that those two boys are way to immature to handle this alone. So I followed Sirius.

"Sirius!" I called out.

"WHAT!" he snapped spinning around, "Oh Emily sorry I thought you were someone else!" he exclaimed his tone changing completely.

"It's alright," I smiled, "And who is this someone else that you are so mad at," I asked.

"It's just, James. He kissed Kristen," Sirius explained. I don't know why but people tend to tell me things. "FOUR TIMES!"

"Really?" I asked pretending to be surprised.

"YEAH!" Sirius exclaimed angrily. He looked, well really pissed off.

"When?" I asked.

"First day back," Sirius said.

"Oh so before he and Lily were going out….and before the bet?" I offered.

"Yeah," Sirius replied running a hand through his hair.

"So then why are you all angry?" I asked, "It's not like he did anything wrong he was just kissing someone. How was he supposed to know you were trying to get into the same girl's pants," I said hoping to get a certain response. And I did.

"What did you just say?" Sirius asked a dark expression passing over his face.

"Well everyone is talking about it. This silly bet just to you can get into Kristen's pants. It's not very nice Sirius. And you're only angry because James almost got there first," I prodded. I knew I was provoking him and I knew I shouldn't. It's not very nice to toy with people's emotions but I was trying to prove a point.

"Now come on Emily that's not fair. I'm not just trying to get good shag I could do that anytime I wanted." I rolled my eyes at this. "It's just Kristen is different, I really like her, in a way I've never liked anyone before. I guess I got a little jealous of James because I like her so freaking much," Sirius confessed, only he didn't say freaking.

"So why don't you go tell her that?" I asked finally getting my point across.

"You know what? I think I will. Thanks Em you're the best," Sirius said smiling. He walked away whistling to himself. My work here is done. Well that's what I thought. Looking back on things I probably should have talked to Kristen as well. I was in the common room along with half of Gryffindor Tower when we all witnessed, something very peculiar.

"Hey Kristen!" Sirius said jumping out of the chair he was previously sitting in. Kirsten had just walked into the room.

"Yeah?" she asked surprised.

"So here's the thing, I don't want to wait a month for you, I can but I don't want to," Sirius began. Oh god where was he taking this. Kristen started to walk away but then she turned around.

"Sirius I am hot, like really hot. And yeah I know I'm hot. I'm not just being arrogant. I hear it all the time. So you're a big idiot for not waiting for me. Because not only am I hot I am a person, with feelings and ideas. Not just some big boobed airhead. I would be worth a little wait, at least I think so." Kristen spat angrily. Oh god where was she taking this.

"I know. Let me finish ok! Yes you are as you so eloquently put it really hot and a real person. I get that. And I like that about you. In fact I like that about you so much that I don't want to wait a whole month to have you to myself. I like you like I've never liked anyone before. It's not the thrill of the chase that keeps me coming after you. It's knowing that when this is over I will finally have you to myself. So no, I don't want to wait a month," Sirius finished. The two were completely unaware that half of the Gryffindor house was watching them very interested. Then Kristen did something that caught everyone in the room by surprise, even me, and that is no small feat I'm telling you. She ran, and when I say ran I mean literally ran at Sirius flinging herself at him kissing him full on the mouth sending the pair of them tumbling onto the couch behind them.

"Oh get a room!" I yelled as Kristen regained her composure enough to climb off of the couch and the Sirius. And she wasn't even embarrassed either. She just lead Sirius off to the seventh year boy's dorm where they decided to do god knows what.

**A/N much thanks to my ever faithful reviewer yellow 14 I love you!!! And xolunaxx im so happy you like Kristen…I'm guessing you liked this chapter too hahaha**


	6. Iris

**Chapter Six: **or **Iris**

**Remus Makes a Confession**

**Remus's Point of View**

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_ Goo Goo Dolls_

"So Sirius and Kristen. That's really something," Julie said suddenly. I looked up from my Transfiguration essay. Julie and I were doing our homework together like we usually do but today she seemed extra jittery. At the moment she was tapping her quill incessantly on the table beside her.

"Yeah but I'm not going to pretend I didn't see it coming," I said looking back down at my essay. Honestly, I don't think it came as a surprise to anyone.

"You saw it coming?" Julie asked surprised, "But they're two completely different people!" Right, I stand corrected. Julie Belle was surprised.

"Opposites attract," I said fixing a grammar mistake as I reread the sentence I had just written.

"Unopposites can attract too though right?" Julie asked. That got my attention. Unopposites is definitely not a word. Julie is not the kind of girl who just makes up words.

"Sure. Julie, are you ok? You know perfectly well that unopposites is not a word," I asked looking back up.

"Yeah," she said but I didn't believe her. It was apparently clear on my face that I didn't because she suddenly said, "What? I am. I'm fine."

"If you say so," I said knowing perfectly well that when a girl says she is fine in that tone she is so not fine. There were a couple moments of silence before Julie perked up again.

"Remus why do you like me?" she asked randomly.

"What?" I asked setting aside my Transfiguration essay. I could tell this was going to call for my undivided attention.

"Why do you like me? I'm so boring and plain," Julie went on with her crazy rant.

"Julie you're not boring and plain what would make you think that?" I asked her all Transfiguration thoughts forgotten.

"Well I am. I mean I'm like the tallest of all my friends with boring brown hair and brown eyes and I'm not smart like Lily or fun like Caroline or nice like Emily or pretty like Kristen I'm just boring and plain," Julie said. I couldn't understand what was going on. The Julie I knew was confident and smart and funny. It was sort of making me uncomfortable. I don't exactly know how to deal with a girl suffering from an inferiority complex.

"Julie stop it. Listen to yourself going on like that. It's not like you," I tried to get her to drop the subject but she was persistent.

"It's just," Julie began again.

"Don't tell me you're boring and plain. You're not ok?" I told her trying to knock some sense into her mind. In fact, none of the girls Julie was friends with were boring or plain.

"Alright," Julie said smiling and picking up her book again. I took my essay off of the table next to me. However before I even got a chance to start it again something started nagging me in the back of my mind. It was burning a whole through me. I just had to get it off my chest. I couldn't lie to her forever.

"Hey Julie?" I asked. Ok so now it's my turn to be insecure.

"Yeah?" she looked up.

"I was just wondering. You would still like me if I had an, er, problem right?" I asked. It was Julie's turn to set her work aside.

"What is it Remus?" she asked concerned, "What's wrong?"

"What if I told you I was a vampire, or a werewolf or something?" I asked curiously. To be honest I didn't know what her response would be. Julie was never the must secure person.

"I would be surprised because you are such a great person," Julie said raising her eyebrows.

"Werewolves and vampires are great people," I said immediately turning defensive.

"Remus what has gotten into you? Is something wrong? What's going on?" she questioned.

"Julie I'm a werewolf," I said before I could stop myself. The worlds just seemed to push themselves out of my mouth. Oh my god what did I just do? I told her. I can't believe I told her.

"You're a what?!" shrieked Julie. Her voice was reaching levels I didn't even know were humanly possible. Ok, this was definitely not the reaction I had anticipated.

"Calm down I know you're surprised," I tried to get her to stop freaking out.

"Surprised!?!? Of course I'm surprised. You're a freaking animal for crying out loud," she kept on shrieking. I had to fight the urge to cover my ears her voice was getting so shrill.

"Only once a month. I'm still a real person," I persisted. I was really making a big mistake here. Clearly she had some prejudice against half-breeds. There was no point in trying to persuade her, yet I tried to anyway.

"No you're not," Julie said shaking her head, "You turn into a viscous beast once a month. That's not normal." Her words stung me. It had taken me three years to be able to talk to my friends about the whole werewolf thing because I was afraid that they'd react the same way Julie did.

"No it's not but that's not who I am all the time. I'm a real person just like you," I tried again.

"No you're not." Julie said getting up. She glared at me icicly. Her comment burned. I can't even explain how awful I felt right about now. I had liked Julie and I thought she would understand. I mean I trusted her enough to let her know my deepest and darkest secret and all she can do is scream at me and tell me I'm an animal. Wow I have great taste in girls.

"Julie just take a second to think about this. I'm still me, Remus, just with an extra little problem," I said. Then again why was I even trying? She had made it painfully obvious that she didn't even like me anymore. And Julie Bell, inferiority complex and all, wasn't really worth it.

"No, no you're not," she said backing away.

"Julie please just listen," I asked moving closer to her. I had to at least try and convince her not to tell anyone else.

"Get away from me you monster!" she screamed running from me back to the girl's dorm. It had taken me nearly ten years to convince myself that I wasn't a monster—and that one comment was almost enough to send me back into believing I wasn't good enough. I pounded my fist into the pillow next to me. I can't believe she would do that! How could anyone be so awful? After I put up with all her stupid insecurities... What kind of person does that?!

"Hey Moony what's up?" asked Sirius walking in with James.

"I hate Julie Belle," blurted out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I really need to gain control of what I say.

"Wait a second last time I checked I thought you guys were like madly in like or something?" Sirius asked surprised. I rolled my eyes at his word choice. We were never madly in like. She just expressed an interest in me and I let her. Apparently I shouldn't have because she turned out to be just like everyone else.

"Remus what happened?" James asked a bit quicker on the uptake.

"Well we were talking about liking each other no matter what and," I began the story feeling quite stupid.

"Wait you didn't tell her about your furry little problem did you?" James asked.

"I'm so stupid aren't I? I can't believe I thought she wouldn't care," I confessed angrily.

"If she really cared about you she wouldn't care about your furry little problem," Sirius said.

"Thanks for making things even worse," I said to him darkly.

"What I mean is you deserve someone who likes you no matter what," Sirius said.

"Someone who doesn't care if you have a furry little problem," James added.

"Well that's easy for you guys to say you both have amazing girlfriends already," I told them.

"Come on don't be so hard on yourself," James said.

"Yeah don't be a woman mate," Sirius said.

"Don't be a woman?" James asked.

"It felt like the right thing to say," Sirius replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Guys can I just be alone for a little bit?" I asked picking up my Transfiguration homework. I really needed some time to think.

"Yeah, don't worry too much. If you want you can always come talk to us," James said encouragingly as the pair of them left. Ok so let's think, banishing spells…oh forget it. I threw the essay aside again. Then Emily Lawrence came down the stairs looking as usual very determined. Before she could even open her mouth I started,

"Look Emily I don't need a talk or whatever it is that you do." Emily just sat down next to me on the couch. She looked very determined.

"Im serious," I told her. But the look on her face alone was enough that I knew she was going to give me a talk whether I wanted one or not.

"Yeah I know," she said "but this is bigger than a talk or whatever it is that I do," Emily continued. Her face was set and I could tell she would say whatever it was that she came to say whether I wanted to hear it or not.

"Alright fine," I sighed giving in. "What do you want to say?" I'd always had a hard time saying no to Emily Lawrence.

"Julie came upstairs insanely angry and told us everything," Emily informed me.

"She what?!" I exclaimed jumping up. My heart started to race and I was gripped by panic. She'd told everyone. They all knew. By the end of today everyone in the bloody school would know! Oh, Merlin.

"Calm down," Emily said taking me by the shoulders and leading me back down to the couch. "It was only us girls and none of us are planning on telling anyone, not even Julie." That calmed me down significantly. Usually I am very calm and collected but the whole werewolf thing tends to get me worked up.

"I er, appreciate that," I said somewhat lamely. The beating of my heart calmed down somewhat.

"Julie didn't take the news so well," Emily said.

"Obviously," I remarked irritably.

"But that doesn't mean the rest of us think the same way as her," Emily continued ignoring my tone.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously, all irritance gone from my voice.

"Well thanks to her mom Julie has several prejudices," Emily explained.

"Yeah well not everyone has the same prejudices as their parents. Sirius is totally different from the rest of his family. He doesn't listen to what they say. If he shared the same views as his mom we wouldn't even be friends with him," I said defensively.

"Well not everyone is as strong as Sirius," Emily continued her attempt at an explanation of Julie's behavior.

"Yeah well that doesn't mean Julie can go around telling people that they aren't people," I retorted.

"She said that?" Emily asked honestly surprised.

"She didn't tell you?" I wondered. But somehow that didn't exactly surprise me. "She told us you said you were a werewolf. Julie said that she said she was scared and then you said yeah you should be I'm a ravaging beast every month," Emily informed me. She looked a genuinely confused.

"I did not say that at all. That's a load of bullshit!" I yelled letting my temper get the best of me.

"Don't yell at me I'm not the one who said it," Emily countered. I immediately winced. I hadn't meant to get angry with her.

"Yeah well she's lying you know. She told me, that I turned into a viscous beast and that I wasn't a person just an animal," I found the truth coming out of me.

"I can't believe she said that," Emily exclaimed, "how could she lie to us?"

"Like I lied to you guys?" I admitted guiltily.

"That's different Remus. You have every right to keep that a secret; it's because of the way she reacted that you don't tell people things like that. Well that's what I think anyways," Emily said. And she was right…as usual.

"Yeah, but whatever, now you all think I'm some crazy lunatic who tried to scare Julie," I sighed.

"That's not true," Emily said taking my hands in hers. What was she doing? I looked down at our joined hands. "Remus, look at me." I brought my eyes up to reach her startling violet ones. I have never really appreciated how beautiful her eyes were before. "Julie acted like an idiot. Just because she thinks you're an animal doesn't mean everyone else does. I don't. I don't care that once a month you lose yourself because for the rest of the year you're pretty incredible. Don't let her get to you."

"Emily," I breathed my voice coming out lower than I had intended it to, "You are truly amazing." This was something I know she has been told countless of times because Emily has a way of always fixing things, even if they're not broken. To my surprise she blushed. I leaned closer to her taking in her intoxicating scent. Emily leaned a bit closer to me in response. Then Sirius and James burst back into the common room talking insanely loudly. Emily and I leapt apart as if on fire.

"Not interrupting anything I hope?" James asked smirking.

"Ha ha you're hilarious," I remarked dryly.

"He's using dry humor and being sarcastic which means he's lying. We so interrupted something," Sirius said smugly.

"You didn't interrupt anything," Emily said getting up from the couch, "at least I don't think you did," she added quietly. So quietly that I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who heard her. "See you later," she said much louder. Part of me wanted to jump up and follow Emily out of the common room but James and Sirius prevented that from happening.

"Well you bounce back pretty fast," smirked Sirius.

"Guys it was nothing," I told them truthfully.

"Sure, sure," James said. "Why are you still here?" he asked after a moment's silence. I just looked at him. What did he mean why was I still here?

"Go follow her you dolt. No wonder he was the last one to get a girlfriend," Sirius instructed. I made sure to hit Sirius on the head on my way out. Emily hadn't gone very far. She seemed to be walking around absentmindedly which was something that Emily doesn't do. Emily Lawrence always has a plan. She doesn't just meander around the castle aimlessly.

"Emily!" I called out to her managing to catch up with her ever quickening pace

"Oh hi!" she said her voice sounding oddly strained. She attempted to smile at my greeting but the smile didn't really reach her face.

"Listen I um, about what happened, or I should say almost happened, I um," I began to stutter. It's a miracle I even said anything at all.

"Save it Remus," Emily said briskly. Her harsh tone surprised me.

"Come again?" I asked still quite shocked.

"You wouldn't have kissed me anyways. Even if James and Sirius didn't come in," Emily stated offhandedly. Emily sounded so sure of herself the way she said it. Like she knew what I would do even better than I did.

"I-You-I-How do you know?" I really need to learn how to stop stuttering.

"Because you're still in love with Julie," she announced sounding bitter. I hate to admit this but I snorted loudly in reply to that statement.

"Sorry but for a second I thought you said I was still in love with Julie. Which would have been so silly because I never was in love with Julie to begin with." There we go. Finally a sentence without stuttering.

"I know you hate her for reacting the way she did but you still like the person she used to be," Emily continued.

"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about," I stammered. I honestly didn't. I mean it's true I liked Julie before but I was never in love with her. "That's not-it's not-that's not true."

"Yes it is. It's ok I get it. I get these things. And why the hell are you stuttering so much?" Emily wanted to know. I couldn't answer to be honest. Why was I stuttering so much? This is a very recent development I have seriously got to look in to.

"No it's not. She just came first. Ok that sounds stupid…it sounded better in my head. Let me put it this way. She was just the first girl to actually show an interest in me. If Caroline had shown an interest I would have went for her. To be honest I never liked Julie that much anyways. She was always insecure around me. She just…came first." I explained.

"Oh," was all Emily had to say. I don't think she saw that coming. "So for the record, if I had come first…"

"Yes," I knew what she was going to say before she even finished her sentence.

"Just wondering," she said turning away, her expression entirely indecipherable.

"Emily, I, er, did you have an interest?" I asked stuttering once again.

"I've always had an interest. I just never thought to act on it. I knew Julie liked you so I stayed out of the way because I"

"Because that's the kind of person you are. Friends first, you never take anything for yourself," I concluded.

"When you put it that way," Emily began frowning.

"It's not a bad thing. It's one of the things that makes you so amazing," Emily smiled a little bit and I could see the blush creeping up her cheeks again.

"I should go back to my dorm," Emily said suddenly not making eye contact.

"What? Why?" I asked bewildered.

"Because even if you don't still like Julie I'm not going to be that girl," Emily said.

"That girl?" I wondered now even more confused than I was to begin with.

"The rebound girl. Plus I have a lot of smoothing over to do back in the dorm. I've got to tell everyone Julie was lying," Emily explained before walking quickly away. I watched as she hurried back to her friends. Maybe Sirius had a point. Maybe I was the last to get a girlfriend because I always let them walk away.

Much love to all my readers and reviewers.

And yellow 14, we here from Peter around chapter ten so you'll find out then ; ) Ahaha and I also love writing scenes like the end of last chapter with the public snogging. Ahah.


	7. Waiting on the World To Change

**Chapter Seven: **or **Waiting on the World to Change**

**James Comes Face to Face with Reality**

**James's Point of View**

_Me and all my friends  
we're all misunderstood  
They say we stand for nothing and  
there's no way we ever could  
Now we see everything that's going wrong  
with the world and those who lead it  
We just feel like we don't have the means  
to rise above and beat it_

_ John Mayer_

You would think that with a father who's a world class Auror I would have an idea of what was going on in the world around me. You would think that having an Auror for a father would make me prepared for what's out there. You would think that with a dad who's an Auror I would readily fight any battle that comes across my path. You would think that because I thought the same once.

However when I picked up the Daily Prophet I nearly had a heart attack. A mass murder had just occurred somewhere in England. Quite near to Hogwarts in fact. I could tell by the uneasy faces of my classmates I wasn't the only one who seemed to be completely shocked by this news. I chanced a glance at Sirius who was frowning at the newspaper. He had only just come to live with me and my family last summer. I could tell he thought his family was somehow linked to this dark act.

And yet, I was caught off guard again. Lily came running up to me looking completely distraught. My first thoughts were that she knew someone who had been murdered. I immediately jumped up allowing her to run full force into my arms. I stumbled back a little not caring as long as I could comfort her.

"Lily what's the matter?" I asked concerned.

"Julie's parents want her to come home!" Lily exclaimed. I can't say that this announcement upset me very much. Lately I hadn't been of fond of Julie Belle. On the other hand Lily and Julie were best friends.

"That really sucks," I said sympathizing with her.

"She's not the only one either," Lily informed me calming herself down enough to sit down at the table. We had drawn a little bit of attention before. However now that Lily was seated people were averting their gazes. "A bunch of first year's parents are going to pick them up over the next few weeks. I even heard a Ravenclaw seventh year might be going back home!" The attack was causing a huge amount of unrest amongst the wizarding world.

"That's exactly what the Death Eaters want," I found myself saying.

"I know," Lily sighed, "And that's not even the worst of it. You know little Lizzy Meyer? Her parents were killed! She has to go live with her grandparents in the States! James this is just awful. What if my parents want me to come home?" My mind seemed to freeze. The thought Lily leaving Hogwarts was way too surreal to even process.

"It's not going to happen," I told her firmly, "Hogwarts is probably the safest place to be at a time like this."

"I just have a feeling that everything is going to get a lot worse before it even starts to look like it's going to get better," Lily said quietly. I wasn't sure if she had meant for me to hear it.

"You're right about that," I said grimly as Professor Sprout escorted a silently crying Lizzy Meyer out of the great hall. To my left Sirius was busy staring down nearly everyone at the Slytherin table.

"Padfoot you're not going to figure out who it was by glaring at Slytherins," I assured him.

"If my fam- I mean if they had anything to do with it," Sirius didn't finish his sentence. He had stopped himself from referring to the Blacks as his family.

"Im sure they didn't," Lily lied for the sake of his sanity. Just then a very angry looking Kristen plopped down next to Sirius along with a confused Caroline.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked before anyone could say anything.

"I...they…no," Kristen mumbled. I exchanged a very alarmed look with Sirius. Kristen was never one to be at a loss for words. Something was wrong.

"Kristen," Caroline tried.

"Not here…not now," was all the dark haired girl could manage to say. She bit rather roughly into a piece of toast. Lily next to me tensed up.

"What?" I asked her quietly. She was staring slack jawed at the newspaper in front of her. It was open to the second page. Of course with the huge headlines hardly anyone else had even thought of opening the prophet to read the rest of the articles.

"You guys let's go back to the common room," Lily offered ignoring me.

"Good idea," Caroline agreed hastily. I got the feeling there was something they weren't telling us.

Once we were all back at the common room the five of us took a seat in front of the fire. I found myself looking expectantly at Kristen. She still didn't look like she was going to explain what was happening. Lily and Caroline appeared to be having a secret eye conversation in which no words were exchanged but the two of them knew exactly what the other was thinking.

"Kristen its ok we don't think," Caroline tried again. Kristen turned to look at me and Sirius.

"The ministry arrested my dad. They think he's a death eater," she whispered rather hoarsely. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Sirius instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"What proof do they have?" I asked knowing the ministry couldn't just convict people because they felt like it.

"They don't have any!" she said suddenly angry again, "My dad is not a Death Eater!"

"Down girl," Caroline insisted.

"None of us said he was," Lily added.

"They can't convict him without proof," I told her feeling rather useless. I did not expect the cold glare she was giving me.

"You should know," she muttered.

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.

"Um James, your dad is the one who arrested him," Lily said softly.

"I…he…what?!" I exclaimed now extremely confused. I was caught totally off guard by this whole thing. I was beginning to understand what it's like to really truly hate someone. This Voldemort has a lot of nerve. Claiming to be better than the rest of the wizarding population just because he's pureblood. Who is he to decide who is a worthy witch or wizard? Voldemort and his stupid prejudiced ways were beginning to slowly tear not only my friends, but the entire wizarding population apart.

Kristen had taken to spending all her free time shut up her room not wanting to talk to anyone. She only came out of the girl's dorms to eat and go to class. Everyone had tried talking to her but we could no longer reassure her he was innocent. Because honestly I don't think my dad would convict anyone unless he was absolutely sure. The Slytherins had taken to mocking Kristen every chance they got.

"Some Gryffindor you are!" was shouted at her when she walked through the hallways on her way to class.

"Hey Shepherd I saved you a spot!" the Slytherins would yell as she passed their table during meal times.

"How's your Death Eater daddy?" Snape seemed to take particular joy in bellowing this loudly during class. We all wanted to stand up for her but how could we when don't even know the truth.

Finally the day of her dad's trial came. Kristen sat with Sirius as me, Lily, Caroline, Emily, and Remus sat around a wireless Remus had managed to make work. We were anxiously awaiting the results of her father's trial.

"And this just in, Derek Shepherd has been found guilty of involvement in the latest mass murder as well as many other offenses against the law." The voice of a stranger informed us of the dark news. Remus instantly reached for the off switch none of us wanting to hear more but Kristen held out a hand stopped him. "So Matt what's his sentence? Azkaban? The Kiss?" Kristen was listening as if her life depended on it. "Azkaban," the strange voice confirmed. Sirius then turned the radio off and this time Kristen didn't try to stop him.

"Kristen I'm really sorry," Lily said immediately. I looked over at Sirius. He seemed to be deep in thought. I could understand why. He had just escaped being part of a dark family and now his girlfriend's dad is a murderer. I could see where he would be a little bit upset.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kristen said. I tried to make eye contact with her but she wouldn't even look my way. Kristen then chose that moment to leave the common room. Sirius and I instantly followed her. Caroline made to join us but Lily stopped her.

"Kristen!" I called out.

"What?" she asked a little bit too loudly her voice echoing in the hallways.

"I'm really sorry about what happened," I told her honestly.

"Well that's easy for you to say," she remarked. I frowned.

"No it's not," I insisted, "Nothing about this is easy." Kristen however turned to Sirius.

"I get it if you never want to look at me again. I mean you left your home to get away from all this shit and now my dad turns out to be a murderer. But I mean it when I say I had no fucking idea. I had no fucking clue," she said and suddenly I was seeing Kristen as a completely different person. I used to think of her as nothing but happy and giddy. She was always upbeat. But right now in this moment she looked downright miserable. It unnerved me a little bit.

"Kris don't be stupid. Our families are clearly screwed up but that doesn't mean we are. I believe you when you say you didn't know," Sirius told her. To say that Kristen was immensely relieved would be an understatement. She completely collapsed in his arms. From what I could tell she was probably crying. I felt like an intruder on a very private moment. After a good couple of minutes Kristen stepped back from Sirius and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her robes.

"James I'm sorry for being a little crazy. It's not your fault that my dad is deranged," Kristen apologized. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's alright," I said.

"Since when did we become the responsible ones?" Kristen asked sounding almost annoyed.

"I hear you," Sirius was saying, "Our parents are the ones who are supposed to be taking care of us and then BAM they decide they want to be evil prejudiced killers." When we got back to the common room I could immediately tell something was not right. Caroline and Remus were standing by the fire talking in hushed voices. Emily came running up to the three of us.

"Julie's going home!" She exclaimed. I can't honestly say that I was going to miss her. "Her parent's just sent an emergency owl. When they found out about your dad Kristen they wrote and ordered for her immediate removal." Emily exclaimed apologetically. I noticed Sirius squeeze Kristen's hand as if to say it's ok we don't judge you because of your dad Julie's just a psycho. Or I imagine that's what he would say. Lily and Julie came down the stairs from the girl's dorm. Julie was holding her trunk and Lily was looking teary eyed. I walked over to the red headed beauty and laced my hand in hers. I couldn't imagine losing Sirius or Remus.

"YOU!" Julie bellowed suddenly pulling her wand out and approaching Kristen. Kristen immediately reached for her own wand but frowned when it wasn't in her pocket like usual. "This is all your fault. If your dad wasn't such a bloody bastard I wouldn't have to be leaving! God! I always knew there was something fucked up about you!" The tip Julie's wand was now touching Kristen's neck. The latter looked positively terrified. Kristen took a step back but Julie took a step forward.

"Belle back off right now," Sirius growled drawing his wand.

"What are you gonna do Black. Kill me like the rest of your evil family would! No wonder you guys are together you're just as fucked up as each other!" Julie said menacingly.

"SHUT UP!" Kristen roared bringing her fist back preparing to punch Julie in the face. Emily appeared behind her and brought Kristen's fist down.

"Don't sink down to her level," Emily warned.

"Julie what is wrong with you!?" Lily asked her voice shaking in alarm. Lily's body was trembling. I watched all of my friends at ends with each other and it was awful. This is exactly what Voldemort and the Death Eaters want. They want us to hate each other and fight with each other so that when they take control we will all go flocking to them. They want to take away our will to fight.

"Belle remove your wand from Kristen's throat or with Merlin as my witness I will hex you into oblivion," Sirius warned his voice dangerously low. Julie, obviously frightened, lowered her wand.

"Julie I suggest you leave," I told her sadly. Without a backwards glance Julie Belle stalked out of Gryffindor tower leaving our lives forever. As soon as the portrait hole slammed shut Lily burst into tears. I gently scooped her up in my arms. I couldn't stand to see her upset like this. I held her as she sobbed her heart out. I would have done the same thing if Sirius or Remus turned out to be a complete ass.

I looked up at the rest of my friends. Kristen had calmed down enough to find that her wand was simply in her other pocket. I couldn't help but wonder if she was going to be alright. She has Sirius I reminded myself. As long as they had each other, as long as we all had each other everything would be ok. I managed to convince myself that this was true.

I honestly came to believe that everything would be ok. With Julie out of her life Lily became closer to Emily. I couldn't help but notice these things. She also seemed incredibly different. She was bolder. Julie had always pointed out her faults. But now with her gone Lily had a different aura around her; an aura that made her if possible even more attractive. I took every chance I got to point this out to her. Kristen seemed to be able to ignore the taunts and mockery of the Slytherins now that she knew we all didn't judge her just because of her father. Remus was the only one who didn't seem to benefit from Julie being gone. He seemed even more mopey and gloomy than usual.

Unfortunately, the week of peace and quiet was only the calm before the storm. Nothing could have prepared me for the shock I received Monday morning at breakfast. Upon hearing the news Lily had burst into tears. I let her sob into my shoulder not even caring as her tears soaked me. I would let her dump the entire Atlantic Ocean onto me if she had to. I hated seeing Lily like this. She was usually so strong and so determined. I hated Voldemort now more than ever. He was stealing our youth and our friends and our will to fight. It was then that I vowed that whenever all hell broke loose, as it was inevitable would happen, I would be there fighting. I was going to fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I was going to make them pay for everything they did to me and my friends. I looked around at all the teary eyed faces around me.

"It's going to be ok," I told them. "We've all got each other it's going to be ok."

Well it wasn't going to be ok for Julie seeing as she was dead.

**Author's Note: This is one of my favorite chapters for some reason. I really liked the voice I used for James. So far I have up to chapter fourteen written with about ten more chapter's after that to go. I'm going to try and keep an updating schedule of once per week but sometimes I don't have access to a computer so it gets hard. But anyways that's the story. **

**Yellow 14: thank you again for another lovely review. Julie was pretty awful. I think she gets what she had coming to her. And there's more Remus and Julie to come!**

**xolunaxx: To be honest I hadn't even planned on writing that scene with Emily and Remus. Sometimes these characters just have minds of their own haha. I hope Julie got what you think she deserved.**


	8. Lean On Me

**Chapter Eight: **or **Lean on Me**

**Remus has an epiphany.**

**Remus's Point of View.**

_Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on_

_Bill Withers_

To say that I had been surprised when I discovred Julie's death would be a complete understatement. I was blown away. I had honestly never been more shocked in my life. The worst part of it was that Julie had absolutely hated me before she died. She loathed my very existence. And now that she's dead I am never going to have the chance to rectify that. And I know I shouldn't care. Julie Belle had been a piece of work. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks, I shouldn't care what anyone thinks. But that's the kind of person I am. I care. So even though I hated her before she died I still feel bad. No one deserves to be murdered. That's what happened to her. Julie Belle, a mere sixteen year old, was murdered by the Death Eaters.

It's kind of ironic that she leaves Hogwarts because her parents feared for her safety. And then as soon as she's home she get's killed. But that's life…well in her case death. But take it from someone who knows, life can be a bitch. And most of the time it is. But I would much rather be alive than dead. Because let's face it, being dead has to got suck a lot more than being a werewolf.

So as I looked around at my friends I couldn't help but feel immensely emotional. The eight of us were dressed head to toe in black. We were standing at around a large hole in the earth's surface. We were at Julie Belle's funeral. It wasn't my idea to go. It was Lily's. Lily and Julie had been best friends for the better part of our time at Hogwarts. And although we were all close with her, me more than the others, or at least I thought I was, none of us really wanted to go. But it's the right thing to do. To be honest I think Julie's death is affecting my friends more than they are letting on.

It's like a wake up call. You read about the deaths in the newspaper but you say to yourself that won't happen to me I'm just the every day average person. But the truth is it can happen to anyone. And up until quite recently none of us had realized this small fact. Julie had been one of us and now she's dead. It can happen to anyone.

To my left Lily was sobbing quietly onto James's shoulder. James had one arm wrapped around her but he was otherwise still as stone. I could tell he was doing his best to appear unaffected by this whole thing. Sirius stood next to James frowning. Next to him Kristen just looked downright angry. The two of them had been a big ball of angst these past few days. I was hoping for all of our sakes that it was just a phase. To my right Emily had tears welling up in the corners of her eyes although she was doing her best to hide them. Caroline and Peter looked as if they couldn't care less if they were here or not.

The thing is, none of my friends really wanted to be sad. I felt pretty guilty seeing as the reason everyone hated Julie before she died was because of me. I had made the mistake of telling her I was werewolf and she just freaked out…and not in a good way. She had been so cruel about the whole thing. So therefore none of my friends wanted to feel sad, for my sake. It was horrible when put in perspective really. A bunch of people trying not to feel sorry that a young girl had died. Because it really is a sad thing when anyone dies. And that's when the tears came.

Out of no where I felt my eyes welling up. All I had been doing was thinking about how awful this whole situation was and then I was crying like a hormonal girl. It was pretty degrading seeing as no one else besides Lily seemed upset about it. And the worst part was that I wasn't upset of Julie's death. I was upset because of the way it happened. I let out a small noise that sounded somewhere between a hiccup and a sneeze. This caused Emily to look over at me. Her mouth sort of fell open in shock when she saw my face. This was not exactly preferable seeing as Emily is the one I want to convince to go out with me. You see, she thinks I'm still in love with Julie. Which is so wrong because I never was in the first place. But crying at her funeral would only make Emily think I was even more in love with Julie than she thought. And this only made my eyes water some more.

"Are you ok?" Emily whispered because this was supposed to be some sort of moment of silence.

"Fine," I sniffled not too convincingly.

"Right," she replied sarcastically. But she could tell I was trying not to draw attention to myself so she dropped it. Well at least untill I let out another strange sob hiccupping noise.

"Ok seriously I know you're _fine_ but fine people don't make those noises," she hissed.

"I-am-fine," I urged in a hushed tone wishing I could stem the flow of my tears. At least no one else had noticed my strange form of crying.

"And I'm Father Christmas," Emily countered. God why did she have to be so persistent?

"Will you just drop it?" I asked her and then made another noise. This time I got the attention of James. He made a strange face.

"You alright Moony?" he asked. I know they were just concerned but their pestering wasn't helping. You know when you bang your head really hard and it hurts so insanely bad and you're doing all you can to keep from tearing up. Then everyone starts asking you if you're ok and it only makes the pain worse. That's what I feel like right now. So you can't really blame me for what I said next.

"God will you guys just leave me alone!? We are at a freaking funeral!!" only I didn't say freaking. Unfortunately this little outburst did not have the desired affect. It only drew more attention to my pathetic situation. James just stared at me dumbfounded but Emily just went,

"Well that was a little uncalled for." And it worked. I mean I stopped crying. There was something about the bluntness of her words that shut me up. This only reminded me of why I was so drawn to her. This only led me to get even more depressed because I know Emily and she is never going to say yes to me. I got the feeling of suffocating and I really wished this funeral would hurry up and end. And then as if on cue the coffin containing Julie's body was lowered into the ground. Finally some of the attention was off me.

This however caused Lily to cry even harder. I looked over at her sadly. I could not imagine what it must be like to her. If I ever lost one of my best friends I'm pretty sure my world would stop spinning. I can't imagine life without James or Sirius or even Peter. Unfortunately, just thinking about them caused my eyes to develop another leak. Emily took notice of this and I hoped to Merlin above she would not call attention to my inability to contain my emotions. I couldn't help but feel relieved when she took my hand and led me away from the rest of the group.

I followed Emily blindly. I just let her lead me. As it turned out Emily was leading me inside the funeral home. Being muggleborn Julie was having traditional muggle funeral. We went inside unnoticed. The thing about funeral homes is that everyone there is a mourner. This was good because no one bothered to pay any attention to us. I sat down in the nearest chair. Emily handed me a tissue but I pushed her hand away. I merely leaned over and folded my face into my hands. Instead of saying anything nice or comforting Emily just went,

"God Remus what is your problem?!" I wanted to ask her the same question myself. Why was she being like this?

"My problem?" was all I said through my hands.

"Yes you're problem," Emily repeated taking my hands away from my face. I immediately tried to cover my face again. "Why are you blocking us out?"

"What do you mean?" I asked thoroughly confused.

"For the past week you have been avoiding all of us. What don't you get? We want to be here for you," Emily explained. What didn't they get? I'm not exactly excited for them to see me in tears.

"What if I don't want you to be there for me?!" I asked angrily. Instead of taking offense like any other person would have Emily just rolled her eyes at me.

"Well you're being completely and utterly ridiculous," Emily stated. "Its ok that you're upset the girl you loved-"

"EMILY I DIDN'T LOVE HER OK!?!" I exclaimed cutting her off. Instead of looking relieved by this piece of information Emily just frowned at me. I really didn't understand what was going through her mind at the time.

"Well you have to have cared for her," Emily began.

"Emily we've already had this conversation," I told her.

"Yes you're right we have," She said getting up. Only I pulled her down. Something Sirius had once told me stuck in my head. He said I always let people walk away; well I wasn't going to let Emily walk away again, not this time.

"What?!" she asked sounding pretty annoyed and I couldn't blame her.

"I-I, er," I stuttered not really knowing what to say. I was rather new at this whole confrontations thing where as confrontations were what Emily did best.

"What is it with you and stuttering?" she wanted to know.

"It only happens when you're around," I admitted sheepishly. Emily just raised an eyebrow at me. She skated around this piece of information and said, "So are you ready to go back out there and let us be there for you?"

"I don't need you to be there for me!" I said exasperatedly.

"Your waterworks suggest otherwise," Emily responded smoothly.

"I'm not crying over Julie ok?!" I asked starting to get frustrated again.

"Listen! its ok if you're upset we all are!" Emily said grabbing my hands and forcing me to look directly into her eyes. They were so purple and intimidating. I looked down at her hands which were currently holding my own. It's when she does things like hold my hands that I develop a slight stutter. Emily followed my gaze and released my hands.

"I thought you guys didn't care that she was dead," I said confused.

"What?! Are you crazy!?" was the reply I got. Although thinking about it, I probably am slightly crazy.

"That's what made me so upset I thought you guys didn't care!" I told her.

"Holy hippogriffs!" was all Emily had to say. And this time it was her eyes that flooded with tears. "How could you think that?! Of course she was a total bitch right up until she died but she wasn't always like that!"

"I-I, I know that," I stuttered in shock as Emily started crying. She wiped furiously at her eyes but that didn't them from emitting large tears.

"I'm sorry," she hiccupped as her tears started flowing more forcefully, "I never cry, and when I do it's hard to stop! I mean everything is just so fucked up right now!" I looked on alarmed.

"I-er, it's going to be, -um alright, just um…stop crying?" I offered not used to crying people. My friends aren't exactly the kind of guys who cry when they get upset. They are more likely to punch someone. It sort of worked. Emily laughed at my pathetic excuse for comforting words. Just then all of our friends came back into the funeral home. Emily wiped at her face and moved over to comfort Lily. Sirius and Kristen however came over to me.

"What?" I asked them as the two were looking at me imploringly.

"I don't get it," Kristen said.

"What don't you get?" I asked.

"You two. You're all back and forth with each other," Sirius said.

"What?" I asked again now confused.

"Well it's so painfully obvious that Emily is totally in love with you!" Kristen said.

"And clearly you return that affection," Sirius said.

"Yeah well Emily is too stubborn. She never thinks about herself. She always puts her friends first!" I exclaimed.

"Oh what a bad person," Sirius remarked sarcastically.

"Well you asked," I said defensively.

The eight of us returned to the hotel we were staying at until the next morning when we would return to school. Everyone but me went to bed. I was just sitting in my room unable to stop the flood of thoughts. I decided to take a walk down to the lobby. When I walked past the hallway where Emily was rooming with Lily I heard someone crying. I figured it was probably Lily so I hurried up to go and comfort her. I was surprised to find Emily sitting against the wall with her knees drawn up against her chest sobbing into the palms of her hands. I'm not proud to admit it but I stood for a few minutes wondering how she could possibly be so pretty even when she was crying her eyes out. I then came to my senses and moved to sit next to her.

"OH!" she exclaimed clearly surprised, "Oh my god!" Emily said her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Just pretend you never saw me!" she exclaimed leaping to her feet. I jumped up after her.

"Emily that's just ridiculous. Clearly you are upset what's wrong?" I asked sounding more confident than I felt.

"It's nothing," she said.

"Obviously not nothing," I contradicted her.

"I-uh-its- you see," Emily struggled with her words.

"Since when do you stutter?" I asked concerned.

"Can you just go away please?" Emily asked sounding so dejected that I almost listened to her.

"Ok seriously what upset you this much?" I asked. It looked like she wasn't going to answer. Emily ran a hand through her hair and let out a sigh of frustration. She opened her mouth as if she was going to start explaining. She then closed it again and turned her back to me. However the next second later, without warning she spun around again.

"YOU!" she practically shouted.

"I-I-ME?" I asked bewildered.

"Yes Remus, you! Pathetic right?" she asked walking away. I watched as she walked away and then after walking almost all the way back to her room she turned around and marched back towards me angrily. "For Merlin's sake Remus why do you always let me walk away!?" she demanded to know.

"I, uh, what?" I said feeling pretty lame.

"You know what never mind," she said turning around again.

"No not never mind!" I said turning her back around. "Can you please stop being so confusing and just tell me what's going on? Because last time I checked you were the one doing the walking away. What do you want me to think? How am I the one making you so upset when you're the one who turned me down?!"

"I don't know ok!?" Emily retorted. Oh well, that just cleared everything right up. I bit back my initial reaction to respond with a highly sarcastic comment and chose to say something more productive.

"Well decide! What do you want?! Because if you could just make up your mind that would be pretty helpful," I added.

"I want you…but it just can't happen. Because it's not fair…it's not fair to Julie," Emily said sadly.

"Why not?! It's been ages since I actually liked her," I admitted.

"But I-I just can't," Emily said frowning.

"Well then can you stop blaming me?" I asked, "Because Emily all you ever think about is making other people happy. And I love that about you, really I do. But for once in your life can you think about yourself?" Emily looked contemplative but then I thought to myself, why was I standing around waiting for her? She was clearly very confused and I wasn't like James. I wasn't prepared to follow her to hell's gates as James would do for Lily. So then I turned my back on her and walked away. It was a good feeling to be the one walking away. I couldn't help but feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. I had really thought I had a chance with her.

"Remus!" Emily's voice called out from behind. It was soft but shaking slightly. I turned around to see her standing in exactly the same spot. I walked back over towards her.

"What?" I asked attempting to appear cool and unattached. I have learned not to get your hopes up.

"Im sorry," she said staring at her feet rather than looking at me.

"Its fine," I said sounding colder than I had intended. I turned on my heels and walked briskly back to my room. I'm not going to pretend it didn't hurt, because it did. But hey I don't need a girl in my life I'm my own person.

**(A/N I rather enjoyed writing this from Remus's point of view. It was fun. **

**Phoenixstears: thanks for the review. And you're right it came from friends!! I really enjoyed that chapter too.**

**yellow 14: I love what you wrote in your review! It made me so happy. I love reading your comments.)**


	9. How We Operate

**Chapter Nine: **or **How We Operate**

**Emily Finally Thinks About Herself.**

**Emily's Point of View.**

_Turn me inside out and upside down  
And try to see things my way  
Turn a new page, tear the old one out  
And I'll try to see things your way_

_Gomez_

Merlin, I've never felt like a bigger git. I just turned down Remus Lupin, the guy I've been, for lack of a better word, obsessed with for the past few months. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Well there is the fact that his ex-girlfriend…well not so much girlfriend more like girl companion…well she just died…but that wouldn't have stopped my friend Kristen. When I got back to the room we were sharing she told me flat out that I was a complete idiot. But I just can't be that girl…the rebound girl.

Of course, there is the slight problem that I don't want any one else to be that girl either. I mean I like Remus, I really do. But the timing is just all off. So even though I am not going to be with him right now doesn't mean that I want another girl to be with him. Unfortunately his friends have other ideas. They have taken it upon themselves to find Remus "a girl". And because I have clearly turned it down it is not right for me to care…so naturally it annoys me to no end.

To be honest this whole thing is a little childish. A person does not need a significant other in order to be happy. I happen to know many single and independent people who lead perfectly happy lives. Take Professor Dumbledore for instance, not counting Professor McGonagall, I don't think he needs anyone to keep him happy. Although when I pointed this out to Caroline she just laughed at me.

So now I'm sitting all alone in the common room, ok well I'm not all alone Sirius James and Remus are sitting here too but the three of them are currently talking about something, which leaves me alone. Remus hasn't even been able to look at me for the past few days. I don't blame him. Here I am sitting all alone feeling sorry for myself while I pretend to read a book. Yes I am pretending to read because I have to keep an eye on the fifth year that keeps making eyes at Remus.

Remus seems to be oblivious to her but James and Sirius are not. They keep glancing over at her. Stupid overly flirtatious fifth year…what is her name anyways? Of course Sirius and James take occasional breaks from their scheming to shoot glares at me…I don't enjoy being treated this way. Of course I realize now that I made a huge mistake. The question is how do I fix this? Oh no, James and Sirius just left Remus and that overeager fifth year has swooped in.

I wish I had super hearing. Maybe I would able to listen to their conversation if I moved to a closer seat. No no no, that's silly. I will not eavesdrop…oh but the suspense is killing me. Suddenly Kristen appeared at my side.

"Emily do you know that your book is upside-down?" she asked me smirking. I blushed to the roots of my hair and then righted my book which I was only using as a prop. I guess I'm not as good at this whole incognito thing as I thought. "Who are you hiding from?" Kristen asked. When I didn't answer she asked again, "Who are you spying on?" She was right on the money with that one and she could see it in my face. "Oh!" she exclaimed softly as she followed my gaze to where the fifth year was flipping her curly chestnut colored hair over her shoulders. Damn those curly haired girls…why couldn't my hair bounce like that?! I was struck with an inspiration. I couldn't get closer but Kristen could.

"Hey Kristen could you do me a favor?" I asked her in a whisper.

"Yeah sure, what?" she whispered back.

"I need you to get closer and see if he asks that girl out," I told her. Kristen nodded. She got up and walked stealthily over to where Remus was sitting. She inconspicuously sat down next to Sirius and James and pretended to strike up a conversation with them. I watched, waiting with baited breadth, for the moment she would return and deliver the verdict.

I know I shouldn't care this much. After all I was the one who turned him down. But I don't think I could handle it if he was actually with another girl. I mean he was only talking to another girl and the jealousy was turning me into a person who couldn't even hold a book in the right direction.

I lowered the book from my face as Remus got up. I tried to read the emotions on his face as he walked out of the common room. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful. Remus had arranged his face into a perfectly emotionless expression, an enviable ability I will admit. I waited in tortured suspense for Kristen to walk back over to me. She finally skipped back over to my little table in the corner.

"What's the verdict?" I asked scared to hear the answer.

"It seemed like she was trying to ask him out. He definitely wasn't interested though. He didn't flat out turn her down…Remus is too nice to do that. He let her down easily saying that he just wasn't looking for a relationship right now," Kristen informed me. She was a very good spy.

"Thanks Kristen," I said surprised at how much relief coated my voice.

"Emily…can I ask you something?" Kristen asked.

"Yeah sure," I replied with a sinking feeling that I already knew what direction her question was doing to take.

"Well you like him right," she stated it like a fact.

"Yeah I guess so," I agreed.

"So why did you turn him down. And I know your fake little reason for not wanting to insult Julie's memory and everything but really why did you turn him down if you obviously like him so much?" Kristen wondered. I had no idea she was so perceptive.

"I don't want to be that girl…the rebound girl. The one he just settles for, I can not and will not be that girl," I explained.

"Well from what I heard he wasn't 'settling'," Kristen informed me.

"What are you talking about?" I was honestly confused.

"Emily I'm going out with Sirius he tells me a bunch of his friends' problems…not betraying their confidence of course, just when he doesn't really know how to support them he sometimes asks for help," Kristen told me. I guess I should have known this. "Remus wasn't 'settling' for you. He really did like you. And you really like him."

"It's more complicated than that," I sighed.

"Really…is it?" Kristen asked curiously. "Because here's what it looks like to me: there's a boy and a girl…they are both head over heels for each other but the boy is too modest and the girl is too stubborn. So they accomplish absolutely nothing."

"It seems stupid when you put it like that but Kristen I swear it's much more complicated," I persisted.

"Emily you are the most caring generous person I know. You are always looking out for your friends and fixing our problems. Can you take one second and do something for yourself? Can you let us try to fix your problems?" Kristen looked at me imploringly.

"You're very gifted with word choice and a very eloquent speech maker," I informed her.

"Er thanks," Kristen said taken slightly off guard. "But seriously Em trust me on this one. Remus likes you…you like Remus. This can work!"

"No it can't. It's too late. I already turned him down," I explained the events of the night of the funeral.

"Well that's unfortunate but it's not the end of the world…and it's certainly not the end of your chances with him," Kristen assessed the situation. She began to smile despite the clearly awful circumstances.

"What?" I asked her curious to know the reason behind the scheming smile breaking its way through her face.

"I have a plan," she told me beaming.

"You have been spending way too much time with Sirius," I informed her.

"That may be so but do you want my help or not?" she asked clearly enjoying herself.

"Yes please help me!" I consented.

"You have to promise you'll listen and hear me out ok?!" Kristen instructed, "No backing down because it's not you. This kind of situation calls for a grand gesture."

"I will listen and do what you say," I told her honestly.

"Perfect," Kristen grinned back at me. "So the first step is the failed apology. You are going to apologize. He will tell you there is nothing to be sorry for. But don't worry, accept his words, and report back to me."

I sought Remus out in the place he constantly occupies, the library. He was buried under a pile of books in the Charms section. I allowed myself a moment to observe him, because when you like someone as much as I like Remus you find that you like certain things about them; like their thirst for knowledge, or the tired look on his face that says I've been through a lot, or the way his sandy blonde hair falls into his deep blue eyes…you get the drift.

"Hey," I said walking up to him. Remus looked up to see who had interrupted his study session.

"Oh," he realized it was me and he seemed to frown. That was not encouraging. "Hello."

"Listen Remus I just want to apologize for all the problems I've caused between us. I want nothing more than for us to try and make this work. Please don't give up on our friendship." I repeated the words that I rehearsed in my head on the journey down to the library.

"Emily you have nothing to apologize for you can't help the way you feel," Remus told me wisely. I was slightly surprised at how well Kristen had predicted his response.

"Friends?" I asked nervously.

"Friends," Remus agreed.

I left the library feeling happier than I had in days. I reported the conversation to Kristen ten minutes later back up in the common room.

"That went surprisingly well, then again he is Remus not Sirius or James," Kristen observed.

"So what's next?" I asked curiously.

"Next you get into an argument," Kristen informed me looking rather grave.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked rather uncharacteristically.

"It's the natural progression of things Emily. Plus you promised to listen to me," Kristen insisted.

"Yes but I didn't know you were planning to orchestrate chaos into my life," I hissed at her.

"Oh god it makes me sick how alike you and Remus are!" she laughed. "Orchestrate…nice word."

"Back to the whole you need to get into a fight dilemma!" I reminded her.

"Ok so you need to tell Remus that you changed your mind. That you don't want to be just friends. You need to tell him exactly how you feel. You need to tell him that you can not stand the thought of him with another girl and that you want to be with him. You need to pour your heart out. However this is where the results get murky. There are several ways this situation can evolve. He will most likely tell you that as much as he wants to be with you it's too bloody confusing. In which case he will walk away and it will hurt. Or maybe he will understand and admit to his feelings in which you two can finally get together and leave out the whole grand gesture step." Kristen began telling me.

"So you're telling me that this whole plan is not exact! It could go very badly wrong!?" I bellowed.

"Emily nothing is exact. Everything can go very badly wrong. But what's life without a little risk?! You really helped me realize this with Sirius and now Im going to help you understand that sometimes a little risk is worth it. Now you already promised to listen to me so-," Kristen stopped short as Remus chose that exact moment to walk into the common room. "Go over there and pour your heart out!" she hissed at me. I leapt out from behind the couch with such haste that I scared the crap out of him and he let out a shriek. Kristen burst out into laughter and I tried and failed not to smile.

"Merlin's beard Emily! Are you trying to send me to a premature death!?" Remus exclaimed. I grinned more out of nerves than anything else.

"Listen er Remus I kind of lied before," I told him nervously. He raised an eyebrow at me imploringly. "I don't want to be your friend." His face fell…oh god that was so not the right way to begin. "What I mean is I don't want to be just friends I can't be just friends. I want to be with you. I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. Before when Hannah that fifth year was batting her freakishly long eyelashes at you I was boiling with jealousy. I can't watch you with anyone else. So I figure I might as well tell you how I really feel. I really really really like you Remus. More than I've ever liked anyone before. I want to be with you and I don't care about anything else." I didn't notice until my little speech was finished but I was breathing quite quickly. Remus's expression was emotionless as ever. God I have got to learn how to make that face!

"Emily I really wish you could have realized all this a bit sooner," Remus sighed.

"So do I," I agreed hastily. If Remus responded to this poorly I was going to have to continue with Kristen's plan of a grand gesture.

"I am really trying to understand this situation and I think it would be a lot easier if we were just friends," Remus admitted still not betraying any emotion.

"I don't agree," I interrupted. He almost laughed but then thought better of it.

"I'm really sorry I just can't. It's too complicated," he admitted. I looked around at Kristen who nodded the signal that it was time to let him think I was convinced.

"Well it's worth a shot right?" I said brightly and walked up to the girl's dormitory expecting to be joined immediately by Kristen. However she didn't come up. Maybe she was just giving me time to cool off. Which now that I think about it wasn't such a bad idea.

After an hour I started to get worried but I could not bring myself to go back down to that common room and face Remus. The rejection, although anticipated still managed to hurt. I was interrupted from my thoughts by a loud knocking on the window next to my bed. I looked up to see Remus's face outside the window! I jumped up, feeling very confused. I looked closer and saw that he was riding a broom! What in the name of Merlin was he doing?! I ran over to the window and threw it open. He flew in and dismounted rather clumsily.

"Remus you do realize this is the girls' dorm?" I said rather stupidly.

"Yes I was under that impression," he laughed.

"Then um I hope you don't mind me asking but what the hell are you doing here?!" I was shocked by my own bluntness. But if there was anything I learned from Kristen today was that you needed to take risks. Most likely, you would be rewarded.

"Well to be honest I don't really know. I just had to see you," he admitted sheepishly.

"You what?!" I asked bewildered. The last time I checked this whole situation was too complicated for him.

"Well after we talked I started thinking that maybe I made a mistake before…and then Kristen came up to me and we started talking and she made me realize that I definitely made a mistake before," Remus was explaining.

"Kristen has been very insightful lately," I agreed.

"So I realized that I really needed to talk to you again," Remus continued.

"And you couldn't wait for me to come back downstairs?" I asked growing more and more amused for some reason.

"Well I figured you probably wouldn't be too happy to see me," Remus began.

"I'll always be happy to see you," I added in a sad voice that once would have been just a thought in my head. Remus allowed himself a grin at this comment.

"Well I decided a grand gesture of sorts was in order to help you understand that I made a very big mistake and I have every intention of rectifying it," Remus informed me.

"Unfortunately I'm confused. You are talking around yourself and I don't get it," I said sadly. I was not in the mood to have him tell me that we are not going to work out again.

"Then maybe I can clear something up for you. Emily you are without a doubt the most amazing person I have ever met in my entire life. You're selfless, and kind hearted, yet bold and brazen at the same time. You're more alive and vibrant than half the wizarding population combined. I look into your eyes and I see hope and life and love. I love everything about you from the way your hair shines in the sunlight to the way you unceremoniously tossed Peter into the lake last year to the way you make me feel. It took me forever to realize this but I want to be with you. And you know what else I realized!?" he laughed smiling widely. "We are both way to analytical for our own good we spent the past week analyzing the situation and examining every aspect. We considered everything except for what our hearts were telling us. So I think it's high time we stop thinking and start feeling. Logic and reason have no business with love. So will you give us another chance…can we make this work?" I wanted to melt the moment was so perfect.

"Of course I'd have to be a bloody idiot not to!" I exclaimed happily throwing my arms around him and hugging him. Remus grinned and wrapped his arms around my waist. I sighed contently soaking in the moment.

"We should probably go downstairs…James will want his broom back," Remus laughed. I grinned feeling positively giddy. I laced my hand in his for the first time not out of friendship but out of a different kind of affection. We couldn't wipe the giddy smiles off of our faces as we met our friends in the common room.

"I see the grand gesture plan worked," Sirius commented to Kristen and James.

"Well not really I never did the final step," I protested.

"When I said there was a grand gesture involved I never said it was you who would be doing the gesturing," Kristen laughed.

"You have been spending way too much time around these guys," I said with a laugh.

"Well you better get used to it," Remus grinned, "Because I intend to spend a lot more time with you from now on."

**Author's Note: finally Remus and Emily get together! It took them long enough. Ok, this has nothing to do with this particular story but I have finally found inspiration for another Charlie story and I'm very excited about it. Maybe I'll put a preview at the end of one of these chapters. **

** Yellow 14: sorry for all the spelling/punctuation errors. I proofread all the chapters by myself so sometimes I miss something. And as always I loved your review!! I love what you do in them ahaha.**


	10. White Christmas

**Chapter Ten: **or **White Christmas**

**We **_**finally**_** hear from Peter.**

**Peter's Point of View**

_May your days be merry and bright  
And may all your Christmases be white  
Bing Crosby_

Christmas at Hogwarts used to be my favorite time of the year. Now it's merely another annoyance until I finally can get away from these people I call my friends. They haven't been my friends for years now…it just took me a long time to realize it. These days I have different friends. For years and years I've been kidding myself. Trying to believe that they really could like me for who I am…was. But I was wrong they don't care, never did care.

But that doesn't matter. I've found new friends, better friends. They care about me. They think I'm special, different, and talented. They see me for what I'm worth. They don't treat me like a rat. With them I feel right…so completely right. As luck would have it my dear "friends" have decided it's absolutely necessary to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas this year. This would prove to be very annoying. I have to meet up with the Slytherins over the break so I'm going to have to get creative in thinking up some new excuses.

The entire castle seemed to be in a festive mood. Everyone seemed determined to celebrate the stupid holiday. At meal times I was forced to stare at several Christmas trees as I tried to eat my meal. In the hallway I was unlucky enough to be constantly surrounded by the suits of armor singing seriously out of tune Christmas Carols. Everywhere I went my stupid friends seemed to find it necessary to have an impromptu snowball fight. I always wound up losing somehow. I hated it and my friends thought I was a downright scrooge.

"Pete let's pelt those Slytherins with icicles!" Sirius exclaimed as we were on the way to Herbology.

"I'd really rather not," I told him.

"C'mon. It will be fun. A prank with a Christmas twist," he'd said the same thing about every single one of his winter-related prank ideas.

"Padfoot, no," I repeated stubbornly.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" he asked irritably.

"Nothing. I just don't feel like it ok?" I responded equally as irritated. Sirius just sent me a funny look before running up to try and persuade Kristen and Emily to join him in his childish antics.

"Jingle Bells Snivellous Smells," Sirius began the infamous song.

"Slughorn ate an egg!" James bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"McGonagall had a fall," Remus chimed in. The three of them looked at me expectantly. I just smiled back.

"Pete—?" James asked hesitantly.

"What?" I answered.

"Aren't you going to finish the song?" Sirius wondered.

"Nah I don't really feel like it," I shrugged.

"Peter I never feel like it. But its tradition," Remus informed me.

"Things change," I told them with another shrug.

"Kristen come here!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly. Kristen, his girlfriend, who'd been sitting in the common room with Lily doing homework, looked up in surprise.

"Where's the fire?" she asked jokingly.

"We need you to finish the song," James told her seriously.

"Peter bailed on us," Remus told her.

"It's important," Sirius urged. I watched as Kristen looked at me in shock. Everyone knew about our favorite holiday song. We sang it every year as we walked through the hallways; our parts where always the same. But this year I wasn't taking any of that crap. She knew the words—just like everyone else and so she joined in.

"And Dumbledore did ballet," she sang festively.

"Hey!" the four of them shouted happily. The awkward moment I had caused was instantly forgotten as she took my place in the song. My friends eventually realized that I wanted no place in their Christmas festivities this year. Kristen took my place in the Jingle Bell Quartet. The boys went to Caroline if they needed somebody to help them prank the Slytherins. Lily took up my part in the annual common room decorating day. Emily, much to her chagrin, got saddled with my role in the impromptu snowball fights. And just like that they'd forgotten about me. It was that easy. I therefore felt no regret when I attended the meeting that night.

"Peter," Lucious Malfoy's voice came out of the darkness. "It's so good to have you here again."

"Likewise" I replied. The first time I'd attended one of these gatherings was the night Sirius and Kristen got together. As soon as she became part of Sirius's life it was like they had no room for me anymore. James was already preoccupied with Lily. And I didn't mind that. He'd had his heart set on her for ages so I was truly happy when she finally came around. But Kristen on the other hand, she didn't deserve to be with Sirius. She wasn't any better than anyone else. She was just a common slag, Sirius's flavor of the week. Well that's what I had thought anyway.  
But then we all found out that he was actually serious about her. He actually cared about her and it made me sick. She wasn't worth it. No girl was. Now not only was James always with Lily but Kristen always seemed to be around. When she was in the room Sirius and James needn't bother asking my opinion ever. It was always "Kristen what do you think about this?" or "Hey Kris wouldn't it be funny if we did this?" They used to come to me with their ideas but now it was Kristen, Kristen, Kristen.

And that's when I realized. They'd never really cared about my opinion. They just needed somebody's input, anybody's input. And when somebody better came along, they abandoned me. It wasn't like they did it consciously. It was a slow and gradual process. And once Emily came along it was all very apparent. Now Remus too, had someone else. They really didn't need me anymore; Peter, the odd man out, the seventh wheel.

Anyways, the night that Sirius and Kristen got together I left the common room, unnoticed and upset. I was walking through the hallways just trying to collect my thoughts when Severus Snape came up to me.

"Pettigrew," he said nodding his head at me. I instantly drew my wand from my robe-pockets. Snape never passed up an opportunity to hex me.

"Snivellous," I acknowledged trying to appear calm.

"You can put your wand away. I'm not going to hex you," Snape said laughing at me. I just glared at him. Sirius and James told me never to trust Snape, so I didn't. "Fine don't put it away. I don't care. I only came here to deliver a message to you."

"_You_ have a message for _me_?" I asked suspiciously.

"Yes, it's all very odd," Snape said rolling his eyes. "If you want a way to get back at them go to the 2nd floor bathroom at ten tonight." At first I had no idea what Snape was talking about.

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean Snivellous?" I asked angrily. "Is this some sort of trap. A set-up? Lure the unsuspecting Gryffindor into the bathroom so you can hex him into tomorrow? If it is I don't buy it." Snape just laughed at me. His calm demeanor was really starting to bother me.

"No Pettigrew. It's not a trap or a set-up. It's a peace offering. If you want a way to get back at them go to the 2nd floor bathroom at ten tonight," Snape repeated the message as if maybe it would make more sense the second time. It didn't.

"Snape I have no idea what you're talking about," I told him shaking my head. As I said this James and Lily came out of the portrait hole laughing and holding hands. They were headed to the kitchens. Snape and I ducked behind a tapestry so that they wouldn't see us. I could practically feel the immense hatred and dislike for the Gryffindors radiating off of Snape.

"Don't you?" Snape asked me imploringly. And then I understood. He was offering me a way to get back at those gits I call my friends.

"2nd floor bathroom?" I asked him.

"Ten tonight. Don't be late," he hissed at me and then left. At the time I had no idea what I'd just gotten myself into. Now, three meetings later, I was slowly becoming one of them. I don't know what to call them exactly. In my head I always refer to them as the Slytherins. But that's not all they are. There are some students who've already graduated and some who were in Hufflepuff I thought. Nobody even bothered to tell me that they were the followers of the Dark Lord until the last meeting. However, I simply refused to believe that these guys, my new friends, could be Death Eaters.

What we did was innocent enough. Whenever a meeting was called a group of us met by the 2nd floor bathroom at ten o'clock at night. We took turns disillusioning each other and then we snuck out to the forbidden forest. We just talked and plotted and hung out. It wasn't until last meeting that instead of going to the forbidden forest we snuck into Hogsmeade.

Lucious Malfoy, a seventh year, led the way. He brought us through the grounds, down a tunnel, and we came up through a manhole on the streets of Hogsmeade. We followed him to a more secluded part of the town. He stopped at the entrance to the Hogs Head. Several wizards, all cloaked in black, came out and met with us. Then the group wondered over to the mountainous part of the village and got settled in the closest cave. The older wizards pulled back their hoods and I recognized some of them as the Death Eaters in the newspapers.

"This is quite the turn-out," a voice said happily. It came from the man I would soon learn to be Rodolphus Lestrange.

"It's all thanks to Snape," Lucious said smirking. Snape had apparently been recruiting followers, for the lack of a better word. Gathering misfits and bringing them to the group; just like he had done with me. It was then that I first realized the type of situation I'd become involved in. These were Voldemort's followers. They practiced Dark Magic, hated muggles and muggle-borns, and they killed people. This was getting a little out of hand. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, a stone. Snape shot a look at me.

I tuned the rest of the conversation out. Instead I thought about the number of excuses I could give for not wanting to be a part of this. Yes, I wanted to get back at my friends for being complete prats but I didn't want to get involved with dark magic! This was not part of the plan. I was a Gryffindor for crying out loud! I still don't know what they were talking about that day but on the walk back to the castle Snape came up to me.

"You feeling alright Pettigrew?" he asked warily.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking that maybe this isn't the right thing for me after all," I told him nervously.

"You're backing out?!" Snape asked me incredulously.

"Well I didn't know that you guys were Death Eaters," I said defensively.

"We're not. You don't see a dark mark on me do you?" Snape responded.

"But those guys were," I replied.

"We're just doing them a favor. We're not Death Eaters Peter, we're just sympathetic to their cause," Snape explained.

"Well I'm not," I told him stubbornly.

"Yes you are," Snape said firmly. I was taken aback by his reply.

"I don't understand," I tried to protest.

"You're either with us or against us Peter. From here on out its black or white. There's no gray area in this case. You're either one of us," Snape said motioning to the group of people I'd come to call my friends. "Or one of them," Snape pointed to Gryffindor tower as he said this.

"But I'm in Gryffindor," I replied.

"Says the sorting hat," Snape replied rolling his eyes.

"I can't just not be in Gryffindor anymore," I told him.

"I know that. But you're heart is in Slytherin now—isn't it?" Snape asked. "You don't need the sorting hat to tell you who your friends are do you?" I shook my head at this. Snape was my friend. James, Sirius, and Remus, they were just the idiots who used me whenever they felt like it.

"Well then why do you guys still want me to pretend to be friends with the gits?" I asked irritably.

"Because one day you're going to get your chance to get revenge on them. But the plan won't work if they don't trust you. So until it's decided otherwise you need to keep their trust and pretend to be their friend. As long as you know who your real friends are we don't have anything to worry about," Snape explained. His logic was flawless so I listened to him. I trusted Snape. So now, as I met up with the usual crowd I was feeling sure of my place amongst them. After the meeting with the Death Eaters, Lucious and some of the older guys were worried I wouldn't come back. But there I was, ready and willing. So this time, as the meeting went on I actually paid attention. Mostly they were just gossiping about the latest killings and which pureblood family was the most influential at the moment.

Even as I looked around me at the faces of these people, Slytherins, near strangers, I still felt more welcome than I had back at Gryffindor tower. And I knew that I was making the right decision. I would stick with them even if they did grow up to become Death Eaters. Because they valued my friendship. Unlike the bloody bleeding heart Gryffindors I forced myself to be friendly with. This Christmas holiday I was forced to endure the company of the shallow Gryffindors I now hated. I plastered a smile on my face as Sirius, James, and Remus each opened the presents I'd gotten them. Snape had advised me to get them good presents even though I hated them. I had to keep their trust. I was feeling generous so I even joined in singing Jingle Bells on the way downstairs. Besides, if I acted like I hated them for extended amounts of time they might actually grow some brains and realize something was wrong.

After the holiday feast instead of joining the Gryffindors back in the common room for roasting marshmallows and Merlin knows what other stupid forms of festive entertainment, I snuck down into the dungeons and listened as Snape gave me the latest information about what the Slytherins were up to. I'd much rather be freezing my butt off in the dungeons with Snape than singing stupidly sweet Christmas Carols with James. Times have definitely changed.

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was so short. I don't really enjoy writing from Peter's perspective…but it was necessary. He's in a very dark place and I don't enjoy going there to write about him haha. Anyways this chapter was mostly filler and a glimpse into Peter's mind. Please leave a review!**

**yellow 14: loved your review as always! Haha unfortunately this chapter wasn't as sweet…and either are the next few. **

**ATTENTION CHARLIE WEASLEY FANS! Here is an excerpt from the new story I'm working on. It's not even a chapter long but I like it.**

"Shit!" Charlie was never going to play with that Chinese Fireball ever again. Jamaya, the newest dragon to come to the reserve was a rather temperamental Chinese Fireball. Everyone hated her but Charlie had just thought she was misunderstood. He went out of his way to be nice to her; to play with her. And what did he get? A huge, very painful, burn down his entire left arm. Jamaya was officially evil.

"That's what you get when you play with Fireballs," Reese said barely concealing a smirk. Melissa Reese is the main healer on the reserve. She is a big, burly woman in her early fifties and she knows her medicine. She is always constantly yelling at Charlie whenever he does anything rash. Which, needless to say, is most of the time.

"She was lonely," Charlie protested. He winced as Reese applied a green salve to his arm.

"That's just what she wants you to think. Personally, I'd stay away from that one," Reese warned.

"You say that about all of them," Charlie reminded her.

"You would say the same thing if you have my years of treating dragon inflicted injuries," Reese reasoned.

"And yet you're still around," Charlie said with a grin.

"Well someone has to take care of you idiots," Reese joked. Charlie's laugh turned into a grunt of pain when the salve finally started taking action. The green paste had suddenly turned bright blue and his arm ached.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing to me?!" he demanded to know. "This is not how you usually heal a burn!"

"I know I know," Reese said looking irritated. "It's some new fangled way that Graham is making us try." Reese rolled her eyes as she said this. Steven Graham is the healer in charge down on the reservation. He is always experimenting with new healing techniques that usually don't work. He's a nice guy but his always happy disposition was always bothering the other healers. He never gets mad or panics…not even in a crisis.

"Well it doesn't bloody work!" Charlie growled. His arm was in a serious amount of pain.

"Suck it up Weasley," Reese said as he glared at her. "If this works right that burn will be gone by tomorrow."

"And if it doesn't?" Charlie asked. Reese just shrugged her shoulders. "Brilliant," Charlie remarked sarcastically.

"This isn't my fault," she said defensively. "Quit playing with dragons and you won't have this problem."

"Never," Charlie replied with a grin. Reese just rolled her eyes at him.

"If you don't start to think while you're on the job you're going to be out of commission much sooner than you'd like," Reese said with a gentleness that had been absent in their previous discussion. Sometimes Reese gets a little maternal with the dragon tamers.

"It looks like we might all be out of commission a lot sooner than we'd like," Jake Henderson said walking into the infirmary. Jake Henderson is Charlie's best friend on the reservation. They were partners in training and stayed close afterwards.

"What?" Charlie asked in surprise. Reese whipped around in shock and stared at Jake open-mouthed. As much as she complained about the tamers and their injuries she lived for her job. She loved it. Jake just shook his head and sat down. Reese kicked the chair right out from under him.

"Speak Henderson," she ordered. Jake glared at her as he picked up his chair.

"They're sending the committee here," Jake said glumly.

"The committee? What committee?" Charlie wanted to know.

"The Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Reese sighed.

"They're saying that there are too many dragons in the area and they want to cut back one reserve," Jake told them.

"What?!" Charlie and Reese exclaimed at the same time.

"Three representatives are supposed to arrive tomorrow around noon. They are staying here for two months to inspect and write a report," Jake explained.

"And they're picking us?" Charlie wanted to know.

"Not necessarily," Reese said with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"The Department is sending out five different teams to five different reservations," Jake revealed.

"How do you know all this?" Charlie asked his friend.

"I was filling out some paperwork about that Ridgeback and I overheard Wentworth and Michaels talking about it," Jake revealed. Eric Wentworth and Colin Michaels were tamers a couple years higher up than Jake and Charlie. So naturally Eric and Colin were privy to a lot more information.

"I can't believe they're going to try and shut us down," Charlie groaned. "And my arm hurts. Today sucks."

"Today does suck," Jake agreed with a sigh.

"Would you two quit acting like hormonal teenagers?!" Reese exclaimed. Both boys looked at her in surprise. "We are one of the best reservations on the continent! They are not shutting us down. When those representatives come here they'll see that we're the best and they won't be able to shut us down."

"Why is Charlie's arm blue?" Jake asked.

"Failed experiment," Charlie shrugged.

"Oh yeah, we're the _best_," Jake said sarcastically. Reese shot a glare at him. She looked like she wanted to kick the chair right out from under him again. "What?" Jake asked defensively.

"We're the best but you guys have to believe that if those representatives are going to," Reese instructed. Jake looked a little taken aback but Charlie just smiled.

"You think my arm will still be blue tomorrow?" he asked her. Reese just looked at it before letting out a deep sigh.

"Screw Graham," she said applying the old-school salve. Charlie felt an instant relief as the salve cooled his arm. It was still blue but it didn't hurt anymore. He smiled up at Reese appreciatively but she just frowned at him.

"You two better get your acts together," she scolded.

"Yes mum," Jake called out to her as he dragged Charlie out of the infirmary.

Once they were out of her earshot Jake began to talk to Charlie in a rapid hushed tone. "So they're sending three representatives," he began.

"Do we know who they are?" Charlie asked.

"I heard its two guys and a girl. They're not too high up in the Department but high up enough to definitely influence the decision. Anyway, they're supposed to get here tomorrow afternoon. They're staying a month," Jake told Charlie.

"You've said all this already," Charlie pointed out.

"I know I know I'm just trying to remember what I left out before. Oh right, Schmidt is assigning one of us to each of them. We have to show them around and make them think this place is great and all of that," Jake informed him.

"Which is going to be impossible," Charlie pointed out.

"Not impossible…just really hard," Jake sighed.

"C'mon Jake there's a reason those guys work for that Department," Charlie insisted. It was somewhat of an unwritten rule that anyone who worked for the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures either loved or hated magical creatures. It was about a fifty-fifty chance that the reps they got would hate magical creatures.

"I know we've had bad experiences with Department Representatives in the past but maybe it will be different this time," Jake mused. Charlie shook his head. They both knew that it would not be different this time around. They were only kidding themselves if they thought otherwise.

**Tell me what you think!**


	11. Wherever You Will Go

**Chapter Eleven:** or **Wherever You Will Go**

**Not exactly Lily's best time of the year…**

**Lily's Point of View**

_So lately, I've been wonderin_

_Who will be there to take my place_

_When I'm gone, you'll need love_

_To light the shadows on your face_

_The Calling_

"Is Lily Evans in here?" a younger student nervously stuck her head inside the sixth year Charms class. Professor Flitwick nodded his acquiescence.

"Yes," I called out.

"Professor McGonagall wants to speak to you," the young student informed me.

"Now?" I asked sounding a little bit irritated. Missing this Charms lesson is really not in my best interest.

"Er, yes," the young girl stuttered out. I felt bad for making her anxious.

"You may go Miss Evans," Flitwick told me without a moments' hesitation. He and I both knew I understood the lesson already. I just hated to miss Charms, my favorite class. With a heavy sigh I began to gather my things.

"What do you think she wants?" James asked me curiously.

"Not sure," I admitted, "probably just a prefect thing." James didn't seem satisfied by that answer. McGonagall didn't usually take students out of class to talk about prefect duties. Besides, if it really was prefect duties she would have taken Remus out of class as well. McGonagall was the deliverer of bad news these days. Ever since the rise of Voldemort she's had to bring bad news to more and more students. I couldn't possibly think what she could want to tell me. The very thought terrified me.

"Do you want me to wait?" James offered. We usually walk to lunch together after Charms class.

"No, no it's fine. Don't wait up," I told him forcing myself to smile at him. He saw through my forced smile but he didn't say anything about it.

I could feel the gazes of not only James but also my other friends watching my back as I left the room. I mentally went through every possible reason McGonagall could want to speak to me so that I would be prepared when I got to her office. Prefect duties were a possibility; maybe she wanted to take away my prefect's badge! No, no that would be ridiculous. Maybe she had some good news to deliver. Like, when Petunia got engaged. I got called down to McGonagall's office where my parents told me in person that my sister was getting married. It could be bad news too, but I didn't even want to consider that option. By the time my train of thoughts was starting to waver off I had already reached McGonagall's office. I was about to knock on her door when she called me inside.

"Please come in Miss Evans," came her voice. It was more gentle than usual. I didn't like the sound of it. I gently pushed the door open and stepped inside her office. McGonagall was sitting behind her desk and the infamous biscuit tin was present.

"Hello Professor," I said with false cheeriness.

"Take a seat Miss Evans," McGonagall tried to return my smile but hers faltered slightly. "Have a biscuit Lily." I did as I was told. The biscuit tasted quite good but I couldn't focus on food. Not when McGonagall was literally staring at me.

"Lily I have something to tell you," she said with a frown. I didn't like the way this was going. This was not the way someone delivered good news. So it was going to be bad news. I can deal with some bad news. My parents wanting me to come home; I was prepared to fight that argument. Taking away my prefects badge; I would cite various occasions upon which I was a stellar prefect and simply refuse to let her.

"Ok Professor," I said steeling myself for whatever it was that she had to say. McGonagall took a deep breath before talking to me again.

"I'm sorry that you have to find out this way Lily. The ministry of magic has just written to Dumbledore and we felt it would be better coming from us than a letter," McGonagall began to say.

"Please Professor, just say it," I urged. I never had much patience and this slow deliberation was killing me.

"I'm so sorry Lily but your parents died yesterday," McGonagall said. At first I didn't believe her. How could it be possible? My parents were both muggles. They weren't supposed to be affected by this war. They were muggles for Merlin's sake!

"I don't understand," I said in shock.

"They were killed just last night," McGonagall informed me.

"But they're muggles!" I protested determinedly.

"I know that Lily. Being a muggle doesn't make you safe anymore. They were at a convention last night with several other muggles and the Death Eaters raided it. Several people were injured and several more were killed. Your parents were among them I'm so sorry." McGonagall seemed very upset with having to be the bearer of such bad news.

"Who else?" I asked.

"I'm sorry?" McGonagall didn't seem to understand my question.

"Who else lost parents last night?" I clarified.

"The Abbots and the Stekers," McGonagall told me. I let this news sank in. My parents, who I always assumed would be safe because of their ignorance to my world, were now dead. I could feel my eyes starting to well up and I sincerely didn't want to wind up crying in McGonagall's office.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm going to leave now," I said standing up wearily.

"Lily perhaps you should go down to the hospital wing," McGonagall suggested.

"I'm ok. I'll just head back to my dormitory Professor. Sorry but I don't think I'll be able to make Transfiguration later," I said as I left. I think she tried to talk to me as I was leaving but I was determined not to hear her pity.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes so I walked at a much faster pace than usual. I wanted to get to my dorm before I broke down in the middle of the corridor. Luckily, classes hadn't let out yet so I made it back to the Gryffindor tower before I could be stopped.

It didn't make sense. How could my muggle parents have died as part of a casualty in a wizards' war?! My parents, who were so loving, and kind, and—they were my everything. They couldn't just be dead!

The tears eventually squeezed themselves out of my eyes. I curled up in my bed and pulled my comforter over my head even though my uniform was still on. Eventually I cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up it was dark out. I rolled over to look at the clock on Emily's nightstand. Seven o'clock; dinner time. That explained why the dorm was empty. I got out of bed and went over to the bathroom. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror I almost didn't recognize myself. My eyes were red, puffy, and swollen from crying and my hair was a bird's nest. There were dark bags under my eyes and lines on my face from my sheets. My clothes were wrinkled and hanging on me in the worst way.

I was reminded of my friends down at dinner when I felt my stomach grumble in hunger. I briefly wondered if they'd heard about my parents. They probably had. Susie and Jake Abbot were Hufflepuff siblings and Milo Steker was a seventh year Ravenclaw. One of those three was bound to have mentioned what happened. They probably didn't spend the entire day crying in their dorm rooms. I briefly considered putting on a brave face and going down to dinner. My appetite was pretty much nonexistent so I decided against it. Instead I decided to take a shower and try to calm my frazzled nerves.

After I showered, I changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants and grabbed my Transfiguration book. I took the book down to the common room where I would read up on the lesson that I missed. Hopefully, the school work would be enough a distraction and I wouldn't dwell on the deaths of my parents too much. The school work distraction plan was working rather well until people started returning from dinner. The Gryffindors came back in group by group. They would walk through the portrait hole talking loudly and laughing. Then when they spotted me the chatter would instantly stop and they all gave me and the corner of the room I was sitting room a very wide birth.

Eventually my friends made their way back into the common room. I saw Caroline, Emily, and Remus first. Unlike everyone else they came in speaking in quiet hushed tones. They were probably talking about how to handle me. Peter came running in behind them looking slightly out of breath. Sirius, Kristen, and James stumbled in last. The three of them appeared to be arguing about something but I had no idea what because their angry tones subsided as soon as they spotted me by the fire. The rest of the sixth year Gryffindors slowly approached me. If I wasn't so sad I would have laughed at their handling of the situation.

"Hey Lils," Emily said with a hesitant smile. James come over and wordlessly sat down next to me. He grabbed my hand but was still silent. I took a deep breath before saying what I'm sure they already knew.

"My parents were killed last night," I said as my voice quivered.

"We heard Lily. That's just awful," Kristen said sadly.  
"Yeah," I sighed "It is."

"If there's anything we can do for you, Lily just say the word," Remus offered kindly.

"Thanks guys," I told them earnestly. "But I really just don't want to talk about it right now." I didn't know why I was shutting them out. Honestly, I didn't really want to have a group discussion on the death of my parents. It just wasn't a very appealing thought. Peter went up to the boys' dorm without a word. Eager for a change of subject I inquired into his odd behavior.

"What's up with him?" I asked.

"He's been odd since Christmas," Kristen observed.

"He's going through a rough phase," Sirius said with a shrug.

"I hope his phase ends soon. I'm tired of his moping," Caroline complained. "It's already February." Kristen rolled her eyes at her and Emily frowned.

"I hope he starts feeling better soon," Emily said earnestly. I nodded my head in agreement.

"He'll come out of it when he's ready," Remus said half frowning.

"You know," James began, "I think he's started seeing a girl." All of our heads spun towards James in surprise. I was grateful for the turn in conversation. The only thing worse than talking about how upset you feel is talking about how upset somebody else feels.

"Peter with a girl?" Sirius asked dubiously.

"Well let's think about this logically," Remus began. "He has been disappearing a lot lately."

"And coming up with the worst excuses," Kristen threw in.

"You'd think if he were seeing a girl he'd be in a better mood," Caroline said skeptically.

"She has a point," Emily agreed.

"Not necessarily," James said shaking his head. "Not if he's seeing a girl he knows we won't like."

"What do you mean?" Caroline asked.

"Like a Slytherin," Sirius suggested.

"That's a good point," Remus conceded. "It would explain his furtive looks at the Slytherin table whenever we are in the Great Hall."

"What could Peter possibly want in a Slytherin?" Caroline wanted know.

"They're not all bad," I reminded her but Caroline rolled her eyes.

"Name one Slytherin girl that isn't that bad?" she demanded. I racked my mind for a girl in our year that I could defend. I couldn't think of any Slytherins we had classes with whose behavior was commendable.

"Maybe it's a younger girl," I offered.

"It's a possibility," Kristen admitted.

"Why don't you guys just ask him?" Emily wondered.

"If he wants us to know he'll tell us," James said shrugging his shoulders.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Emily warned.

"Pete's usually pretty forthcoming with his feelings," Sirius told her.

"Well maybe it's not a girl after all," Caroline insisted.

"What else could it be?" Sirius wanted to know.

"I don't know maybe he's depressed or something," Caroline suggested with an eye roll. It was obvious she could really care less.

"We shouldn't just jump to conclusions," Remus interjected.

"So ask him about it," I insisted.

"That's the thing," James said sighing. "We have. A bunch of times. He keeps acting like there's nothing wrong."

"Maybe everyone should just ease off and let him deal with whatever it is in his own way," Kristen sighed. "If I were him I wouldn't want people asking me question after question. I'd want time to think…about whatever it is."

"He's had two months," Caroline pointed out.

"There isn't a time limit to thinking," Kristen persisted.

"I'm with Kris on this. I say everyone backs off a bit," I told the group. I could see Remus and Emily nod. Caroline rolled her eyes for what felt like the fifth time that evening. James and Sirius just shrugged.

"He'll come around eventually," I said to James.

Eventually my friends made their way out of the common room. Kristen and Sirius disappeared…most likely to go find a broom cupboard to snog in. Remus and Emily announced that they were off to the library. Which left Caroline. She didn't want to stick around and be a third wheel so she set off for the girls' dorm. I turned to James, happy to be alone with him.

"Is it weird that I feel exhausted by conversation with our friends?" I asked him. James laughed lightly.

"Maybe a little," he told me grinning. His smile faded fast though.

"Do you wanna talk Lils?" he asked me seriously.

"I don't know," I admitted. "It all seems so surreal. Never in a million years could I have guessed this would happen. I mean they were muggles!"

"I know," James nodded knowingly. "No one is safe these days."

"I should probably write to Petunia," I decided. James crinkled his nose at the mention of my sister. I'd told him countless anecdotes of how much Petunia had tortured me these past years. "Don't make that face!" I almost laughed as he instantly tried to arrange his face from disgust to pleasantry. "She's my sister and she deserves to know."

"You're right…as always," he admitted.

"I'm just scared this is going to make her hate me even more," I managed to choke out as my eyes began to well up with tears.

"How could this possibly make her hate you?" James wanted to know.

"Because if I wasn't a witch this wouldn't have happened!" I exclaimed hastily brushing tears away from my eyes.

"That's not true and you know it," James said evenly. I could tell from the way his jaw was set that he was upset by what I'd said.

"But isn't it?" I couldn't help but wonder.

"No," he said firmly. "There are a lot of muggle casualties whenever wizards have a big war like this. Muggles who have no relation to wizards what so ever die because the Death Eaters don't care who they kill…as long as they're killing somebody," James explained passionately. He was getting more worked up about this than I was. He really hated the Death Eaters. He hated anything that tried to cause him and his friends any harm.

"Petunia doesn't understand that though," I said sadly. "I don't want her to hate me! She's the only family I've got left!" I cried out desperately. James reached out his hands to take mine whilst shaking his head.

"Family isn't just blood," he reminded me. "You'll always have me and Sirius and Kristen and Remus and Emily. You know that right? You know we'll always be there for you."

"I know," I sighed tearfully. "It's just…she's my sister. I've only got one sister and I really don't want to loser her. As much as she pretends to dislike me she loves me. We have to love each other," I tried to explain the bond between two sisters to James. He probably didn't understand but he nodded anyway.

"Well then let's start that letter," he decided. "If you don't write she'll just get even more upset. She'd want to hear it from you."

"Can you hand me my bag?" I asked. James tossed my school bag over to where I was sitting. I fished through the contents and found some parchment and a quill. I began to write:

_Dear Petunia,_

_I know you've probably heard already but I figured I should tell you as well. Mum and Dad died. They were killed by Death Eaters, the bad guys. I can't even put into words how much this upsets me but I'm sure you're feeling something quite similar. I suppose you and Vernon can make the funeral arrangements…we'll have a muggle, er I mean non-magical, funeral. Unless you want me to arrange it…I can do it if you want me to. Please please please write back Pet. I need to hear from you. I miss you. I love you._

_ Love Lily._

"Alright, done!" I said letting out a breath I wasn't even aware I'd been holding.

"Good," James said with a smile.

"That was much easier than I thought it would be," I admitted.

"Don't celebrate too soon," James warned, "You've yet to actually send it." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'll send it first thing tomorrow. I'm much to exhausted to hike up to the owlrey at this time of night," I declared. James glanced at his watch and laughed.

"It's only nine," he informed me.

"Past my bedtime as you know," I replied jokingly. James smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He knew I was trying to avoid talking about it still. "I'm ok really." I tried to assure him but James was stubborn.

"No you're not," he said.

"How would you know if I'm ok or not?" I asked.

"I have a million answers to that question," he told me with a genuine smile.

"You have a million answers to every question," I said with a sigh.

"Yes and you love it," James reminded me.

"That's true," I agreed.

"One: I know you and I know when you're happy and when you're upset. Right now you're pretending to be ok. But you're not because even though you're smiling you're eyes are giving you away," James explained.

"Stupid traitor eyes," I muttered. James laughed but continued answering my question.

"Two: Whenever someone feels the need to say they are okay they are most definitely not okay," James reasoned.

"That's partially true," I grudgingly admitted.

"And three: You only found out this morning. You'd have to be a bloody robot to not be upset right now," James declared.

"I know," I sighed in defeat. "But here's the thing. I really don't want to talk about it. That only makes it seem worse. Obviously I'm upset. Who wouldn't be? But what use is it to sit around and mope? I've got to keep going…keep on keeping on and all that."

"You're entitled to at least one days worth of moping," James told me seriously.

"I got all my moping out earlier when you guys were down at dinner," I admitted.

"At least you moped for a little," James said with a shrug.

"Do you want me to mope?" I asked incredulously. It was like he was disappointed I wasn't more upset.

"No!" he exclaimed. "I guess what I want to say is its okay if you want to mope. You shouldn't feel like you can't. And if you ever need somebody to mope with I'm available."

"I don't think I'll be in need of a moping partner right now," I told him truthfully. "Although if you wouldn't mind I'd like it if you came to the funeral with me."

"Of course I will," James said without a moment's hesitation.

"Just you though. It's a muggle thing and I don't really want to cause a scene," I explained.

"Understandable," James nodded. "So if we're not moping tonight what do you feel like doing?" he asked smiling now that he was sure I wasn't about to breakdown.

"I could use a distraction," I admitted.

"Well that's good because distractions are my specialty," James said flashing me a heart-stopping grin.

"That's a relief. You had me worried I was going to have to hunt down the house-elves if I wanted to find a decent distraction," I went along with his game.

"If you ever do what I'm planning with a house-elf I will seriously question your sanity," James said before leaning in to kiss me.

**Author's Note: bonus points for anyone who can tell me what kind of irony i used in this chapter…dramatic, verbal, or situational.  
**

**yellow 14: thank you for your lovely review. I loved it as always!**

**SecretlyAGryffindor: I'm happy to hear you liked my portrayal of Peter in this chapter. It's rough trying to right about him but we can't just ignore what he did. I've read so many stories where the author just disregards him. But that's not fair to the story. It was definitely a challenge. Thanks for the review!**


	12. All We Are

**Chapter Twelve: **or **All We Are**

**Things only go from bad to worse…**

**Kristen's Point of View**

_I kept falling over  
I kept looking backward  
I went broke believing  
That the simple should be hard_

_Matt Nathanson_

Lily's parents' death really hit us hard. She was incredibly upset for weeks. Of course she pretended to be fine but she obviously wasn't. I didn't know how to react. After I found out my dad was a Death Eater things just haven't been the same. I feel a little bit guilty every time something horrible happens to someone at school. I can't help but wonder if my dad had ever killed someone, or tortured, or…Just the thought of it made me sick. And the fact that my dad could have been involved in the planning of the deaths of all those muggles makes me want to hurl.

Everyone is different now. We're all nervous, and scared, and jumpy. Peter can hardly sit still for more than five minutes. And he's taken to constantly looking over his shoulder—as if he is just waiting to be attacked. It's hard to watch Lily put on her "fine" act. She shouldn't have to pretend to be ok. James wants to protect us. I can tell. He wants to be able to scare away anything that could come our way, but he won't be there to shield us forever. And Sirius…Sirius is scared out of his mind.

He would never admit it but I can tell. He's not so much scared of the Death Eaters and of Voldemort. Just scared for what's happening to all of our friends. He's the kind of person who thrives off of happiness. And now with everything that's going on there isn't a lot of happiness left in the world. Everything is changing and he hates it.

I'm changing too. I used to be happy all the time. Nothing ever fazed me. But with Julie's death, and Lily's parents getting killed, and my dad getting thrown in jail I just can't find it in me to be happy anymore. It's making Sirius so sad and I hate it. I know it's useless to sit around wishing but sometimes I just wish things would go back to the way they were at the start of term; when the biggest problem wasn't who got murdered but who hooked up. But I guess this is all just a part of growing up and we're going to have to get used to it.

And I was getting used it. Eventually I found a way to be happy about the little things in life. Everything was getting good again. Lily was actually fine instead of just pretending, Remus and Julie were in happy new couple bliss, and Sirius was smiling again. Everything was good…until it wasn't.

"Kris did you see the papers?!" my best friend Caroline came running up to me at breakfast. She looked frantic and her tone was urgent. It was very alarming.

"No why?" I replied trying to stay calm.

"Here," she replied shoving the Daily Prophet into my hands. I unfolded the newspaper and glanced at the headlines.

**MASS BREAKOUT from AZKABAN**

I froze. This couldn't be right. There was no way. How could anyone breakout from Azkaban? And yet as I continued to read the article it went on to say that several high security prisoners had escaped; my father included. This was bad, very very bad. All throughout the Great Hall people were whispering about the latest news. I was getting a couple of stares. It was just like the time when everyone found out my dad was a Death Eater.

And then it really hit me. My dad, a known criminal had escaped from prison. What if he tried to come find me and my mum?! I wanted absolutely nothing more to do with him.

"Kristen are you alright?" Caroline asked me. I broke out of my trance.

"What?" I replied, still feeling rather dazed.

"You don't look too good," she said to me. "You're all pale and green looking. I think you should go to the hospital wing." I shook my head firmly. There was no way I would spend today hiding in the hospital wing.

"No no," I told her still shaking my head. But it couldn't hurt to get out of the Great Hall for a little bit. Just to clear my head and get away from all the stares. "I'll be right back though." I said as I got up from our table. Caroline started to follow me but I stopped her. "I just want to be alone for a bit." She gave me a funny look but didn't protest. I tried to appear calm as I left the Great Hall but as soon as I was out of everyone's line of sight I took off at a sprint.

I had to get out of there. I didn't care where I went—just anywhere. I just had to get away. It was all getting way too much for me to handle. Breakout, Azkaban, Death Eaters, my dad. Everything whizzed through my head at ten thousand miles per minute and I was going to break down at any moment. I ran through the halls not really looking, or caring where I was going. I knocked down several people as I sprinted away from the Great Hall. I'm pretty sure I sent Sirius's little brother flying into a suit of armor but I couldn't bring myself to care. Eventually I made my way to the room of requirement. I hadn't even meant to go there.

I opened the door to reveal a room that looked like it could have been anybody's dorm room. I walked over to the nearest bed and collapsed. I was out of breath from having sprinted through half the castle and my breathing came in quick heavy gasps. I was so frustrated that I grabbed a pillow, put it over my face, and screamed into it. It felt good to let out all my pent up emotions. With a sigh I flung the pillow away from me and closed my eyes in an attempt to calm down.

It wasn't very Gryffindor of me to run away from my problems and yet I did it anyway. I lay in the strange and unfamiliar bed for twenty minutes just trying to find an escape. I could have stayed there all day. I might have if Sirius hadn't come and found me.

"Kristen?" his voice was cautious as he came into the room.

"How'd you find me here?" I asked still not moving from the bed.

"Well I saw the papers, and Caroline said you left so I figured you were either in the dorm or here," he said with a shrug. He hovered by the door, probably afraid of what my reaction would be.

"I can't believe it," I sighed sitting up. Seeing that I wasn't in full on freak out mode Sirius came over and sat down next to me.

"I know," he said sympathetically.

"I just—it's all getting to be way too much," I admitted. "And I feel like such an idiot hiding out in here. I just don't want to deal with everyone right now. Last time it was just—I can't go through that again." I sounded dramatic, even to my own ears. But I couldn't help how I felt.

"It's okay to not want to deal with everyone. You don't have to feel ashamed of coming here," he told me.

"But I'm a Gryffindor…I'm supposed to be brave," I pointed out.

"We can't always be brave," Sirius laughed, "I know for a fact I don't act like a Gryffindor all the time…none of us do."

"Yeah I guess you're right," I gave in, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" he asked me.

"Better now," I told him. We sat in silence for a couple minutes but something was bugging me. I didn't even realize it until I was away from the inquisitive stares of everyone else…but I wasn't just overwhelmed, I was scared.

"Sirius?" I said his name hesitantly.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm scared," I confessed.

"Of what?" he wanted to know.

"My dad," I admitted. "What if he tries to come find me…or my mum? What if he tries to hurt us or what if he hurts one of you guys?"

"I won't let that happen," he declared. I knew that, even when he said it, there was no way Sirius could guarantee that. But it made me feel better all the same.

Eventually we had to leave the safe heaven of the room of requirement. We walked back into the Great Hall to the sounds of everyone eating breakfast. Most everybody was talking about the breakout but no one seemed to notice me or give me any glares so that was good.

Throughout the day, it seemed that all anyone could talk about was the breakout. I tried my best to block out the conversations but occasionally I would overhear the rumors and speculations concerning my dad. Strangely it didn't bother me as much this time around. I just ignored what I heard and went on with my day.

However, my good luck did not last. I received an owl in the middle of History of Magic. Binns, ever oblivious, had no clue. I didn't recognize the bird so I unfolded the note cautiously. I was all too aware of the curious looks my friends kept shooting me but I tried to ignore them. It was a relief to see that the note was in my mum's handwriting.

_Need to talk to you. Floo me in private later. Love mum._

I hastily folded the note back up and shoved it in my pocket. I was still getting glances from my friends. "My mum" I mouthed to them. They all seemed to be satisfied by this answer and turned their attention back to Binns.

All day I couldn't help but wonder what my mom could have to say to me that was so urgent she had to owl me in the middle of class. It had to be something about my dad. What else could she possibly need me to floo her about? And she'd said in private. This was definitely not good.

"What did your mum want?" Sirius asked after class.

"She wants me to floo her in private later," I told him.

"That's odd," he remarked. At least I wasn't the only one who found it strange.

"I know. I wonder what she wants," I sighed wondering whether I should share my suspicions with him or not.

"It's probably really important," Sirius mused. "Or she wouldn't have owled you in the middle of class."

"I know that's what I'm afraid of," I admitted.

"It will be ok," Sirius assured me. And I believed him.

It was with a feeling of great trepidation that I crept down into the Gryffindor common room at three in the morning. I figured no one else would be awake at three in the morning on a school night. I hadn't been able to sleep so I listened as each one of my roommates fell sound asleep. I tiptoed past Emily, Caroline, and Lily and made my way to the fireplace uninterrupted. I grabbed some floo powder out of my pocket, through it into the fireplace, and said "Diane Shepherd".

My mother's face eventually appeared in the fireplace. I found myself immensely relieved to see her face. Her kind warm eyes were a comfort that I'd seriously been needing all day.

"Mum!" I exclaimed happily. "I'm so happy to see you." She smiled at me but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Kristen did you read the paper this morning?" she asked me.

"Yes. It's terrible. I can't believe," I could have kept going but my mother cut me off.

"Kristen your father is hiding here," my mum told me. At first I was so shocked I didn't say anything. I couldn't even think, let alone speak.

"Mum are you ok? Did he hurt you? What did he do to make you agree to that?!" I asked her worriedly. If my dad was hiding out back home my mum was in danger! I had to get her out of there.

"No no, it's not like that honey. I let him in," she said.

"What?!" I hissed at her through the fire. "Mum he's a _Death Eater_!" I exclaimed putting emphasis on the awful word. How could she willingly let him in the house? It didn't make any sense to me.

"He is also my husband and your father," my mum retaliated.

"Mum he's murdered people! And you're letting him stay in the house?" I was getting incredibly angry and my mother sensed it.

"That doesn't change the fact that he's part of our family," she tried to persuade me.

"I know but just because he's part of our family doesn't mean we have to love him!" I whispered angrily.

"Kristen honey why are you talking like this? He's your _dad_!" my mum urged. I just didn't understand her. Was she imperioused or something? How could she still love him? But she was telling me and if the Death Eaters had cursed her they wouldn't let her tell me about her hiding dad.

"I don't care who he is mum. He's killed innocent people! I can't love him after that," I told her stonily. "And I can't believe that you do."

"Please Kristen, try to understand," she pleaded with me.

"I can't understand that," I said firmly. And in a split second my mom went from desperate pleading, to furious anger.

"You weren't always like this," she hissed at me. "That Black boy has messed with you. Just because he ran away from his family doesn't mean you should."

"Mom this has nothing to do with Sirius," I said angrily.

"It has everything to do with him. You love him more than your own family!" she accused.

"He hasn't murdered innocent people," I retaliated.

"Your father wants you to come home," my mum said.

"Are you out of your mind?!" I exclaimed. "Do you honestly think I care about what he wants? I am not going home to a murderer in my house."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow," she said before disappearing. As soon as the fireplace was empty I felt overwhelmed by a sense of panic. What was going to happen when she showed up at Hogwarts and demanded to take me home? And I couldn't ignore the fact that she's harboring a fugitive in our house. The fugitive being my father…but still. I had to do something. I couldn't let her get away with this. I went to the only person I trust.

"Sirius!" I whispered while gently shaking him awake. In the dark I had a hard time figuring out which bed was his. I had almost tripped over several pairs of shoes lying in a big pile at the foot of James's bed. It's rather odd how in a dark room everyday objects can become death traps.

"What?" he asked sleepily. He must have thought he'd been dreaming because then he promptly closed his eyes and rolled over. Rolling my eyes I shook him awake again.

"Sirius!" I repeated, but this time more urgently. He was more aware of his surroundings this time.

"Kristen?" he asked sitting up in surprise. The covers fell back and I noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Of course he wasn't, Sirius always slept in just his boxers. God forbid, he ever sleep in clothes. Ok, stop thinking about your boyfriend shirtless…there are more important things to discuss, I scolded myself.

"Yes it's me," I replied hastily.

"What's the matter?" he wanted to know. I opened my mouth to talk but then Peter snorted and muttered something about cheese in his sleep.

"Not here," I whispered. "Come with me," I said making my way out of the boys' dorm. Sirius hastily threw on a t-shirt and followed me down into the common room. The small fire was our only source of light. I could barely see his face but I could tell that he was concerned.

"Will you please tell me what's going on?" he asked.

"I just flood my mum," I informed him. "She told me—she said—she," for some reason I couldn't get it out. I realized that I was actually incredibly frightened. I was scared out of my mind. "Oh Merlin," I exclaimed nervously.

"Whoa, calm down and just tell me what exactly happened," Sirius said forcing me to sit down on a couch.

"My mum is hiding my dad at our house," I told him.

"Merlin's beard you're not serious?" he asked in shock. I nodded and continued the story.

"She said she was hiding him, and that she still loved him. He wants me to come home and she said she was going to get me tomorrow!" I told Sirius everything. I was on the verge of tears. It seemed that things just kept going from bad to worse.

"It's okay, it's okay," he said over and over again as I shuddered at the thought of having to go home to a house with a Death Eater.

"I don't know what to do. I can't go back there! I just can't," I cried in a panic.

"You won't have to," Sirius declared.

"And she's hiding him! I can't believe after everything he's done and everything he put us through—she's hiding him!" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but I didn't care. "They can't get away with that. He doesn't deserve to be kept safe. He should be rotting away in Azkaban."

"You've got to tell Dumbledore," Sirius said to me. "Dumbledore will know what to do."

"You think so?" I asked warily. I knew that Sirius and James had an excellent relationship with the headmaster but I didn't know the man quite so personally.

"Yes I do. And we need to get you to him now," Sirius said already on his feet, ready to hunt down the headmaster.

"Okay," I agreed. I followed Sirius through the dark corridors. Hogwarts had such a different feel at night. It was almost dark and eerie. If Sirius wasn't next to me, holding my hand, I don't know if I would have made it to the headmaster's office without turning back. I was vaguely surprised that no one stopped us. No teachers or ghosts seemed to cross our path.

"Treacle tart," Sirius said to the stone gargoyles that guard Dumbledore's office. They jumped back to let us through. Dumbledore looked surprised to see us in his office at four o'clock in the morning.

"Mr. Black, Miss Shepherd, what are you doing up at this hour?" he asked when we walked into the room. Nevertheless, the headmaster conjured two armchairs for us to sit down in across from his. I shot Sirius a nervous look.

"Kristen needs to tell you something," Sirius spoke for me. I had momentarily lost the ability to speak. Everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours was starting to catch up with me. "It's very important. It couldn't wait until tomorrow," Sirius justified our coming to him at such an hour.

"Well by all means then Kristen, please do tell me," Dumbledore turned his glance on me. I took a deep breath.

"Well sir, it's a rather long story," I began. I told him everything. I started with the Daily Prophet this morning. I told him about my mom owling me in the middle of class. I repeated what my mom had said when she informed me that she was hiding my dad. I mentioned the fact that they wanted to force me to come home now that I knew everything. I also told Dumbledore what I'd told Sirius. How I didn't want my parents to get away with this.

Dumbledore seemed rather calm throughout the whole exchange. He listened to my story without interrupting once.  
"It was very good of you to come here," Dumbledore said when I was finished talking. "Now that I know this information I have no choice but to act on it. I am going to have to turn your parents in." I suppose Dumbledore had thought this would upset me but all I could feel was relief.

"Thank you," I sighed. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This wasn't my responsibility anymore. Dumbledore whispered something to his bird, which then promptly disappeared.

"The situation is currently being handled," he said to me.

"Excuse me sir?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Dumbledore waited for my question.

"What if they come after me? I mean I'm the only one who knew what they were up to…it will be obvious that I told," I voiced my fear to the professor.

"Your mother and father are the only ones who know you knew and they will not escape again…I can assure you of it. You will be safe," Dumbledore said firmly. And I believed him.

"Okay then," I nodded.

"You did the right thing," Sirius assured me. I glanced over at him. And he gave me a small encouraging smile.

"You did," Dumbledore agreed.

"Okay," I sighed sinking back into the chair.

"I suggest you two get back to your dormitory as quickly as possible. It is very late and there are classes tomorrow," Dumbledore advised. Right, classes. I was going to be a zombie tomorrow morning. I do not function well on little sleep. My face must have fallen because Dumbledore then said, "Perhaps you should just go to the hospital wing. I will tell Madame Pomfrey to let you sleep there as long as you need. I understand the toll that this must have taken on you." I could only manage a nod. I was pretty exhausted. Dumbledore's idea was rather appealing.

I allowed Sirius to lead me down to the hospital wing. Naturally Madame Pomfrey made a huge fuss over both of us and made us sleep the rest of the night there. I was quite relieved not to have to walk all the way back to Gryffindor tower. As soon as she left I rolled over in my bed to see Sirius next to me in is own bed.

"Sirius," I whispered.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Thank you," I told him sleepily.

"You're welcome," came his steady reply. "Do you feel better now?" he asked.

"For the most part…just a little worried," I admitted.

"About what would happen if any of the Death Eaters found out?" Sirius knew me so well.

"Pretty much, yeah," I confessed.

"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you," he assured me.

"That's a relief," I sighed. He laughed.

"I'm far too selfish. I would be bloody miserable if you weren't around," he told me. I let out a small laugh. "Kris?" he called out.

"Yeah?" I answered through a yawn.

"I love you," he whispered. I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you too," I told him before drifting off to sleep.

**Author's Note: So this is the last update from me for about a month. My computer got infected by a virus and I had to send it away to get fixed. All the chapters I already wrote for this story are on it so I don't have access to them. I will still be writing just not updating. You can check my profile page for updates on the progress of my computer and when I'll be back to updating this story. **

**names are overrated: it's hilarious!**

**yellow 14****:**** Peter with a girlfriend…now that's a funny image. Lovely review as always :) **

**SecretlyAGryffindor: thanks for your review! I feel sorry for Lily too. I hate writing about the deaths of characters…but it's necessary.**


	13. Damn Regret

**Chapter Thirteen: **or **Damn Regret**

**Taking a Break**

**James's Point of View**

_Damn regret, I'll try to forget_

_Don't worry about me cause I'm refined_

_Cast my line to see what's behind_

_Did you think you'd persuade me to let you go?_

_ The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

My sixth year seemed to go by in a blur. Before I knew it there was only one day of term left. Usually the last day of term is one of my favorite days of the year. Nearly everyone is in a good mood and no one can find it in themselves to be cruel. However, the last day of my sixth year term was perhaps the worst day of my life.

We only had one more day to get through and tomorrow we could get on the train and go home. There were no more opportunities to get in trouble, no more opportunities to get detention or lose house points, no more chances to get into duels in the hallway, and no more exams to fail. I thought I'd gotten away scot-free.

This however, was not the case. I was sitting in the library with Remus and Lily. They'd both had books they needed to take back and now we were just talking. Madam Pince called Remus over so she could yell at him for dog earring the pages of his book. I knew for a fact Remus never dog eared his pages…it must have been Sirius. I felt a vague amount of sympathy for my friend before Lily dropped the bomb.

"James, we need to talk," she said to me. Let me tell you. Those four words, _we need to talk_, are the most feared words by any person in an involved relationship.

"Er, what do you mean by that exactly?" I asked her warily. I always thought my being with Lily was surreal but I'd never thought she would actually want to end our relationship. Lily just gave me a look.

"Please don't fight me on this James," she asked. I looked up at her and noticed Remus was on his way back over to us. "We'll talk about this later." She said it with such a tone of finality that I couldn't even protest. Remus rejoined us.

"Stupid Padfoot dog eared my pages again," Remus sighed. "Remind me to kill him later." I couldn't even find it in myself to come up with a reply. I just nodded my head. Lily smiled at him.

"I think we should get going," she suggested.

"You two go ahead. I've got to wait here while the old bat checks every book I handed in today for dog eared pages,"

"You want us to wait up?" I offered. Lily shot me a look.

"Nah don't wait up," he waved us off. "I handed in ten books. It could take her ages." Lily and I got up and left the library in silence.

"James," she began as soon as we were out of the room. "I've been thinking."

"About what?" I asked her trying my best to stay calm.

"Everything," she sighed running a hand through her hair.

"Want to be a little more specific?" I remarked.

"I know you think that you can protect me James…you think you can protect all of us really," Lily began. "And you probably can."

"How is that a bad thing?" I wanted to know.

"It's not…it's just I don't want to need your protection. I want to be able to protect myself," Lily sighed. I just looked at her.

"And because you're with me you can't?" I asked her. Lily wasn't making any sense. This was totally out of the blue.

"As long as I'm with you I'm always going to rely on you. I need to learn to protect myself," Lily insisted.

"Lily that doesn't make sense," I told her.

"Of course it doesn't make sense to you," she said with a small smile. "I just think we need to take a break."

"A break," I repeated tonelessly.

"A break," she sighed, "from our relationship…so I can learn."

"To defend yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah you said that but it still doesn't make any sense. Just because we're together doesn't mean you're not capable of fending for yourself," I urged.

"James, please this is just something I need to do," she insisted.

"Why though? Why does it have to be like this?" I demanded to know. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"Of course I still love you!" she exclaimed.

"Then why are you doing this?" I retaliated.

"I just need to!" she fought back. I just stared at her. I should have seen this coming. When we first got together she'd wanted to keep our relationship a secret so she wouldn't get distracted. I was so helplessly in love with her that I went along with it. I didn't even bother to register how weird it was. I was willing to do anything as long as we were together. And now this. I should have seen it coming.

"It just doesn't," I began.

"Make sense, yeah yeah you've said that I know. I knew you wouldn't understand," she said dejectedly.

"Of course I don't understand!" I exclaimed. "It's completely ridiculous."

"Please James, don't make this any harder than it already is," she pleaded with me. I didn't want to fight with her but I didn't want to go on her stupid break thing either. Who takes breaks?! If you love someone you stay with them. You don't go around taking breaks whenever you please.

"I just don't understand why it's even necessary," I said shaking my head.

"It's just something that I have to do. It probably won't make sense to you or anyone else but I need to take some time off. I'm not going to stop loving you I just need to learn how to live without you," Lily tried to explain.

"Well don't I get a say in this?" I asked angrily. "What if I don't want to know what it's like to live without you?" Lily looked upset at hearing that. And I was starting to get upset too.

"James," she sighed, barely looking me in the eye.

"No Lily. I've fought way too hard to get you. I'm not letting you go this easily," I told her firmly.

"It wouldn't be letting me go," Lily insisted. "And it's only for a little bit. I just need some time on my own."

"I don't think it's a very good idea," I responded.

"James I'm not going to debate this," she told me evenly. "We're taking a break whether you like it or not." She seemed so adamant that I couldn't argue with her. If she really didn't want to be with me there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"Fine Lily. That's just fine," I growled and I stalked away from her.

I did not see this coming at all. Everything was going so well and it was the last day of term. Bad things aren't supposed to happen on the last day of term. As much as I hate to admit it I felt angry tears welling up in my eyes. I wiped at my face furiously. Fine, if Lily wanted a break, she would get a break.

When I got back to the common room I saw that Remus was already there. He looked up from the chess game he was currently playing with Sirius. For once Sirius actually seemed to be winning.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked looking up at me. "Prongs are you alright?" My expression must have shown how incredibly angry I was.

"No," I muttered sinking into the couch next to them.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked turning away from the chess game.

"Lily broke up with me," I told them glumly.

"What?!" Sirius exclaimed, practically leaping out of his chair. He seemed so taken aback by the idea.

"No way!" Remus couldn't believe it either.

"Why?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Some crap about not wanting to have to rely on me for protection. I don't even know. It didn't make any sense," I relayed the information.

"I'm telling you mate, sometimes these bloody girls don't make any sense at all," Sirius sympathized shaking his head.

"She'll come around eventually," Remus tried to console me but I just shook my head. He wasn't there; he didn't see her yell at me. There was no way she was going to take it back. Lily wasn't about to change her mind.

"She was pretty adamant about it," I sighed dejectedly.

"Well you can always drink away your sorrows," Sirius said with a smirk.

"What are you talking about Padfoot?" I asked as Remus rolled his eyes.

"Sirius and Peter are throwing a party tonight," Remus informed me. The look on his face was enough to tell me that he clearly did not approve.

"To celebrate the end of term. It was Peter's idea. I think he's finally getting over his moody phase," Sirius declared happily.

"Padfoot you're just looking for reasons to get piss drunk," Remus told him.

"I won't deny it," Sirius replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"He got into a row with Kristen," Remus told me.

"It wasn't just any row. It was bloody awful," Sirius said looking rather upset.

"Women," I sighed. "They're bloody awful."

"I'm with you on that one," Sirius agreed.

"The two of you can drink away your pain later," Remus interrupted us. He clearly didn't want to listen to us sit around and moan about our women trouble. I forgot that his relationship with Emily was picture perfect.

"So where is Peter?" I asked.

"He went into Hogsmeade to get the goods," Sirius replied with a grin. "I'm thinking you're going to have to clear out fourth years and below around ten o'clock." He added to Remus. Remus just sighed but we all knew he would do it anyway. We all could use a little celebration in our lives. Especially these days, when we had practically nothing to celebrate.

Around ten o'clock the younger students were gone for the most part and most of the older kids had already heard that Sirius and Peter were throwing a party. The seventh years were excited to celebrate their graduation and the end of NEWTS and the fifth years were excited to celebrate the end of the OWLS. Us sixth years were just desperate for a celebration.

Peter arrived with several cases of butterbeer and firewhiskey. Slowly the drinks began to spread out amongst the students and people began to get tipsy.

"You know," Remus began, "as a prefect I really shouldn't be condoning this."

"And yet here you are," I pointed out.

"You and Sirius have had an awful influence on me," he deduced.

"You're welcome," I responded before taking a sip of my firewhiskey. I saw Lily out of the corner of my eye. Seeing as she's a prefect, I thought she would immediately try to a put a stop to the party. But she seemed to be embracing the fact that term was over. She had a butterbeer in one hand and was talking to Emily happily. It was a little unnerving that she wasn't the least bit upset about our recent break up while I was practically drowning in misery. It didn't seem right.

"Are you sure you're okay Prongs?" Remus asked me when he noticed the direction of my gaze.

"I'll get over it eventually," I sighed finishing off my second bottle of firewhiskey. Remus eyed my drink but chose not to comment on it. "You don't have to sit here with me while I wallow in self pity. You can go talk to Emily," I told him. I could tell he felt bad leaving me alone.

"It's alright," Remus shook his head.

"No, go. I don't want any of this bad karma to rub off on you," I urged. Remus gave me a small smile before walking over to Lily and Emily.

"You alright?" Kristen asked walking over to me.

"I could ask you the same question," I replied and gestured to her already half drunken bottle of firewhiskey.

"I'm fine. It was just a row. It was over something stupid too. People get in rows all the time…but they get over it," she said. And she really seemed to believe what she was saying.

"What did you two row about? Sirius didn't say before," I was curious as to what they were arguing about.

"I don't even understand. I think we were fighting about his family but I'm not quite sure. He got all worked up because I was talking to Regulus at breakfast this morning," Kristen revealed. Inwardly I winced; probably not a good move on Kristen's part. Sirius tends to get a bit touchy about his family. Talking to his little brother was not a very good idea.

"Why were you talking to Regulus?" I wanted to know. Regulus, Sirius's brother was a fifth year Slytherin. We avoided him at all costs.

"I ran into him. Literally. I felt bad and I was apologizing," Kristen told me shrugging his shoulders. "Sirius just flipped."

"He gets weird about his family," I sighed.

"I know," she agreed. "So you and Lily?"

"Broke up," I finished her sentence and helped myself to another firewhiskey.

"You'll get back together," she declared.

"You think so?" I asked.

"I know so," she replied firmly. It seemed that everyone with the exception of myself, was convinced that Lily and I were going to get back together.

"What are you, a seer?" I joked. She shook her head, a little too exaggeratedly.

"I just know," she insisted finishing off her drink. We were standing near the table at the foot of the boys' dormitory. And then a drunken Sirius snogging a drunken fifth year named Heather stumbled right past us. Kristen's mouth fell open in shock. I had to admit I was completely taken aback as well. "Did you just see that?" she asked me still somewhat flabbergasted.

"I think so," I said sadly. Sirius was guiding Heather upstairs to our dorm. The two of them were glued together by their mouths. "Aren't you going to stop them?" I asked her. She just shook her head.

"That bloody fucking bastard," she swore grabbing another firewhiskey. Ah so Kristen liked to deal with her problems just like me and Padfoot: drink them away.

"He's drunk," I pointed out only to have her glare at me. "Which doesn't excuse it at all!" I added hastily.

"Fuck him," she cursed again taking a huge sip of the firewhiskey.

"Fuck all of them," I said thinking of Lily.

"I'll drink to that," she said clinking her bottle against mine. We both took sips. And this repeated all throughout the night. It wasn't long before I felt the tell tale signs that I was getting drunk. I'd lost count of the amount of firewhiskeys I'd drunken and I had issues walking across flat surfaces. I could tell Kristen was just as drunk as I was…if not more.

Eventually the common room cleared out as people stumbled upstairs back to their dorm rooms. Somehow it worked out that the two of us were the only ones left in the common room.

"Jamesss?" Kristen slurred.

"Yesss," came my uneven reply.

"I keep thinking…and I can't think. I don't know what I did wrong," I assumed she was talking about Sirius.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I told her. "That's how Sirius is."

"It hurts," she said.

"I know," I sighed. "I can't think what I did wrong either."

"Probably nothing," she mused. "You're practically perfect."

"You wanna tell Lily that?" I asked.

"Nope not really," she replied.

"You think we're going to remember this tomorrow?" I asked her.

"Definitely not," she declared.

"Excellent," I replied before kissing her. At first she pulled back.

"James what are you doing?" she looked very confused.

"I don't know," I admitted with a laugh.

"But what about Lily?" she wanted to know.

"What about her," I replied with a shrug. I wanted to spite her. I wanted to hurt Lily like she'd hurt me. So I didn't really care at this point. Kristen eventually kissed me back and we went tumbling into the couch. A mess of tangled limbs I struggled to make sense of what was happening. I was vaguely aware of removing some of Kristen's clothes and I sort of noticed when I was no longer wearing pants. Everything seemed to blur together from one moment to the next. All I could concentrate on was the fact that this was all wrong because I was with Kristen and not Lily.

I woke up the next morning with a sharp headache. I slowly opened my eyes and went to reach over to my nightstand for my glasses. I felt around but all I could feel was a couch. I sat up hastily and everything about the previous night came rushing back to me. I realized I was still in the common room with Kristen! Please please please don't tell me I did anything stupid and reckless! My silent prayers were worthless. When I finally did locate my glasses I realized that I wasn't wearing any clothes…and neither was she. Oh Merlin. This was not good.

I then noticed that Kristen was starting to wake up. She looked around at her surroundings and then realization dawned across her face. She looked at me in horror and then down at herself.

"Bloody hell!" she exclaimed pulling the blanket we'd apparently been sharing closer to her. "What exactly happened?" she asked.

"How am I supposed to know?" I asked pulling on my shirt and trying to salvage some dignity. Kristen followed suit as we began to collect our clothes and redress ourselves.

"The last thing I remember is snogging you and then taking off your pants—oh shit," she swore with a groan.

"I can vaguely remember getting very angry at your bra," I admitted. She glared at me. "What? It wouldn't come off!"

"Did we…you know?" she asked her voice barely above a whisper.

"I—I woke up not wearing, well anything," told her.

"Oh bloody hell, so did I," she groaned. "I can't believe this right now. Lily is actually going to behead me."

"Sirius is going to strangle me," I said frowning.

"Oh no he won't. I'm going to kill him first. That bloody fucking asshole," she seemed to be doing a lot of cursing this morning.

"I'm sorry," I said to her.

"For what?" she asked.

"Everything. I'm sorry that Sirius is such an arse, and I'm sorry that he treated you like crap, and I'm sorry that I'm horny when I'm drunk, and I'm sorry for last night, and" I began to apologize for everything but she interrupted me.

"James, stop apologizing. Last night was partly my fault too you know. Let's just agree to put this in the past," she suggested.

"Agreed," I consented.

"Are you going to tell Lily?" she asked.

"I have to," I said.

"Well technically you don't if you've broken up with her," Kristen pointed out.

"But I don't want to be broken up with her," I sighed. Everything was so complicated now. There was no way Lily would ever take me back after what I did with Kristen last night.

"I know you don't," Kristen sighed. "It's just…Lily's very headstrong. She usually gets what she wants. If she wants it to be over it's going to be over." Suddenly I felt like crying. The weight of the past twenty-four hours began to catch up with me. I buried my head in my hands.

"I've gone and fucked everything up haven't I?" I moaned into my hands.

"I'm so sorry James," Kristen sympathized.

"It's ok. It's not your fault," I muttered.

"James? Kristen?" Lily's voice came as she came down from her dorm.

"Morning Lily," Kristen said trying to sound cheerful.

"What's going on?" she asked taking in the scene before her. Neither me nor Kristen seemed to know what to say. I just couldn't bring myself to say the words that would ensure Lily never wanting to get back with me ever again. "Well anyways. James I was thinking…maybe we shouldn't take a break after all. I mean it was a rather stupid suggestion anyways. I'd been thinking way too much and I was just stressing out over nothing." My life officially sucked. If only last night had never happened everything would be perfect…but no. I'd gone and screwed everything up.

"Lily," I stopped her from going any further. "I—we sort of…Kristen and I"

"James and I slept together last night," Kristen said quickly. I winced upon hearing this.

"You what?!" Lily exclaimed looking from me to Kristen.

"You'd just dumped James and he was upset and drunk. I just saw Sirius cheat on me and I was upset and drunk. It didn't mean anything," Kristen explained. Lily seemed to be in shock. So was I. I couldn't find it in myself to say anything.

"You cheated on me?" Lily finally said turning to me.

"No!" I exclaimed, offended that she would even think to accuse me of that. "We were on a break!"

"Yes but that didn't mean I didn't want to be with you anymore," Lily replied.

"Usually that's what a break means Lily," I replied angrily. This was getting extremely complicated. Lily seemed speechless. For a moment none of us knew what to say. I couldn't believe how reckless and stupid I'd been last night.

"I'm so done with you James Potter," Lily spat out at me.

"No Lily, you don't understand!" I urged.

"You're right I don't. You say you love me but you go behind my back and sleep with whoever you want?!" Lily accused.

"No it's not like that. We were on a break Lily! I was depressed I thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought we were done," I tried to make her understand.

"Oh we are done. We are so done," Lily said angrily. I looked over at Kristen helplessly. She looked just as upset as I felt.

"Lily it didn't mean anything," I pleaded.

"Absolutely nothing. I don't even like James that way!" Kristen said.

"Well that just makes you a slut Kris," Lily said rolling her eyes. Kristen looked offended but she didn't try to contradict Lily.

"Lily please don't be like this. I'm so sorry. I never would have done anything if I thought you still wanted to be with me," I insisted.

"I don't know if I believe that James," she said shaking her head. "I can't trust you anymore."

"Yes you can!" I replied but Lily just shook her head.

"I can't look at the two of you right now. So I'm just going to leave. Please don't follow me." Lily said turning and walking out of the common room.

"No," I moaned collapsing on the couch.

"I'm so sorry James," Kristen said. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"It's okay," I sighed even though I knew it wasn't. It was far from okay. It was never going to be okay again. I cannot imagine my life without Lily. And now I think it's safe to say Lily Evans hates my guts.

**(Author's note: I got all my files back! I know it feels like forever since I've updated and I'm sorry about that. My computer chose a terrible time not to work. But it's all good because I've got my files back! And that means more updates and more chapters. I've actually already finished writing this story and I'm working on another one.**

**Yellow14: I know there wasn't a breakout from Azkaban but it just fit the story so I decided to take a creative license with that one. Thanks for your review. It was lovely as always!**

**SecretlyAGryffindor: I'm glad that the Azkaban thing worked in the story. I was afraid of upsetting some people with that one. Only six more chapters left!)**


	14. These Walls

**Chapter Fourteen: **or **These Walls**

**Lily is very forgiving**

**Lily's Point of View**

_Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line_

_And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes_

_And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly_

_Sometimes I fall_

_But I've seen it done before_

_I gotta step outside these walls_

_ Teddy Geiger_

I'd had a whole summer to cool off and try to get James bloody Potter out of my mind. And yet somehow, I just couldn't. Not a day went by when I didn't think about him. Sometimes I thought about how much he'd hurt me and how much he'd let me down. Sometimes I thought about how much I used to hate him before the beginning sixth year and how much I loved him during it. But most of the time I just thought about how much I missed him. He wrote me a letter about once a week. I never read any of them. I was angry. But I was also scared that if I read his letters I would be tempted to forgive him. I didn't want to forgive him. I was just too upset.

I had every right to be upset…or at least I thought I did. Emily, on the other hand, did not. According to her, she could understand why something like this would make me upset but technically I didn't have the right to be angry. I threw an apple at her when she said that. She wasn't very happy with me.

"Lily just think about it," she'd said to me one day over the summer. "You and James were on a break. You weren't together anymore. It wasn't your business who he kissed or er, did anything with."

"But just because we were on a break doesn't mean I wanted him to be with other people!" I protested.

"Well that's not really fair," Emily reasoned, "you're either together…or you're not. It's that simple."

"It's not that simple!" I retaliated.

"Lily you told him you wanted to stop being with him. You said you wanted to take a break. He thought that meant you didn't want to be with him anymore. What else was he supposed to think? Was he supposed to somehow know that you didn't really mean what you said?" Emily asked me.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" I shot back at her.

"Yours, Lily of course I'm on your side. But I'm just saying you have to try to understand where he was coming from," Emily said logically.

"Well what about Kristen!? Where does she get off cheating on Sirius and shagging my boyfriend?!" I insisted. I was not going to let this go.

"I'm not going to defend what happened Lily. But I talked to her the other day and she's really upset. She had just seen Sirius cheating on her with that girl, Heather something. And James had told her that you two broke up. Technically she didn't do anything wrong," Emily tried to explain.

"She said she doesn't even like him that way!" I protested.

"Kris was always like that. You just don't remember. Before Sirius, she was always going out with guys she didn't have feelings for. It's easy to forget she was ever like that because she was so in love with Sirius," Emily reminded me.

"Yeah well if she was so in love with Sirius she shouldn't have shagged James," I said crossing my arms. I knew I sounded childish but I didn't care. I was angry and upset and I wanted to blame anybody but myself. Because deep down I knew that this whole mess could have been prevented if I hadn't suggested taking a break in the first place.

"Sirius hurt her, Lils. She was upset and not thinking straight. I'm not saying what they did was right…but I think you should try and forgive them," Emily suggested with a shrug of her shoulders. After she left I wallowed in self-pity for a good hour or so.

But that was back in July. It's September now, and a lot of things have changed. I got named Head Girl, which I was ecstatic about until I found out James had been named Head Boy. It didn't even make sense. He was never even a prefect! And yet somehow he goes and gets himself named Head Boy. It's bloody ridiculous if you ask me. Dumbledore has finally lost it.

It then occurred to me that James and I would have to be working together all year. I would have to see his face everyday for considerable amounts of time. This was not going to be easy. And not to mention, we would have to run the first prefect's meeting on the train together! And James didn't know a thing about prefect's meetings seeing as he was never a prefect himself. Just great.

I was one of the first people to get to Kings Cross. I had already changed into my Hogwarts clothes and had my new Head Girl badge pinned to my robes. I couldn't help it…I was excited. Finally, after working so hard, I'd achieved what I'd always wanted. I was about to head over to the prefects' compartment when somebody reached out and grabbed me around the waist. I screamed as they yanked me into a random compartment and slammed the door shut. I heard the lock click as I spun around to face the person who'd essentially kidnapped me. I was shocked to see Kristen standing in front of me, hands in her pockets, looking rather guilty.

"What the bloody hell was that all about!?" I yelled at her. She just shrugged.

"It seemed like the only way I was going to get you to listen to me," she admitted with a sigh. Kristen had been writing me letters all summer too. Again I hadn't even bothered reading them. Instead I just shoved them down the paper shredder at the Lawrence's house, where I was staying.

"And so you attacked me?" I asked incredulously. Kristen looked a little embarrassed at having accosted me so.

"I really wanted to talk to you," she said earnestly.

"For someone so small you are really quite strong," I told her. She just looked at me. She seemed to be waiting for me to explode and scream at her. Little did she know I'd done all my exploding and screaming over summer vacation. Since my parents were murdered, I'd stayed with Emily all summer. Emily had very patiently put up with my tantrums and rants. I almost had nothing left to say on the subject…almost.

"I know that you hate me," she began looking at her feet.

"Is that what you think?" I couldn't help interrupting her.

"Well yeah," she said looking up in surprise, "I wrote you a letter almost every other week. You never wrote back."

"I was hurt Kris. I was really hurt and I didn't want to talk to you about it. But that doesn't mean I hate you," I tried to explain.

"You don't?" the surprise in her voice was extremely evident.

"I did," I admitted, "for a little bit. But then I got over it."

"I'm so sorry Lils. What I did, it was stupid. I wasn't thinking straight. And I was so upset and he was just there—" Kristen trailed off, looking at her feet again.

"It's ok I guess," I said with a shrug.

"No it's not. I never should have done that Lily. I'm supposed to be your friend. Friends don't do that to each other," she insisted. Kristen seemed to be very upset with herself. I never would have thought that she would be just as upset as I was about the whole thing.

"Tell me about it," I instructed. She looked up at me, her eyes popping in shock.

"What?!" she exclaimed. I don't even know why I said that. It was as if I was asking for her to make me upset. But I just had to know.

"Tell me what happened…with you and Sirius," I clarified, "and why you did what you did."

"Do you really want to know?" she asked me warily.

"Yes," I said firmly. Maybe, if I heard her side of the story I would be able to forgive her and we could go back to being friends again.

"Well, er let's see," she began her story, "I guess it all started with that morning. I slept in and I was late for breakfast. I was really hungry and I wanted to get to breakfast before all the tables cleared. So I decided to run. Stupid I know. So I ran to the Great Hall and I gained so much momentum that I ran right into a person as I came through the doors. I completely knocked them over—sent them flying actually. We both fell down and it was all very ungraceful. I looked over and saw that it was Sirius's brother I had pummeled. I felt a little guilty so I went over to help him up. I think I was laughing, because to me the whole thing was rather funny, and I told him I was very sorry. He was surprisingly nice about the whole thing. Didn't insult me once. He offered me his muffin, I'd missed breakfast, and that was it. So apparently Sirius saw this whole exchange and it really ticked him off. I know he's sensitive about his family and all but he just flipped out. He said I was betraying him or something…I don't even know. We had a horrible row. It was pretty bad. So fast forward to later that night. I'm in the common room with everybody else. I've already had a couple of butterbeers and a sip of firewhiskey and I was talking to James. He was telling me that you guys broke up. And then the next thing you know…there goes Sirius and Heather Miller stumbling by, glued together by the mouth. He took her back to the dorm and—it was awful Lily. I was so upset. He was the one person I thought I could trust no matter what. It hurt…a lot. More than I'd like to admit. So rather than go and confront him about it I did the stupid think and drunk myself into submission. The whole thing with James happened so fast that I can barely even remember it. We were both so drunk and it didn't mean anything I promise! He was devastated when we realized what had happened. He was practically in tears because all he could think about was you." Kristen stopped telling her story and looked up at me, waiting for a reaction. I didn't really know what to say.

"I'm so sorry that Sirius did that to you," I told her earnestly. She just nodded. I looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time since the last day of term. She looked miserable. Her eyes were dark and downcast, not shining with her usual mirth. She wasn't smiling but she wasn't frowning; she was just…there.

"There's nothing I can do about it," she said after awhile. "I shouldn't have trusted him so much I guess. And that's why I'm so mad at myself. Because I know how you must be feeling right now. It's awful. I hate feeling like it and I can't stand it that I made you feel like this too!"

At first I didn't know what she was talking about. But then I realized. Sirius had cheated on her…he betrayed her. And even though James didn't technically cheat on me, it still felt like he did. And that hurt…a lot. But then again, James didn't actively try to hurt me. He thought we were done…he thought we were over. Sirius had really just treated Kristen like crap—he didn't even wait till they'd broken up.

"And the worst part," Kristen continued after a prolonged silence, "Is he knows that the fucked up and he doesn't even care. He didn't even fight for us. He just let me end it. He didn't even bother to try and talk to me." James, on the other hand, had written me a letter every week. He tried to talk to me; he fought for us. And I was the one who gave up. While I was contemplating this I could hear the people boarding the train. Kristen looked up at the voices. "We should get out of here…sorry about well, attacking you."

"It's alright. I'm glad you did. I'm sorry you spent this summer thinking I hate you. I don't hate you Kris," I told her honestly. She looked so relieved to hear that.

"Thank Merlin," she said letting out a breath. I followed her out of the compartment and we walked right into James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter on their way to the back of the train.  
"Oh," I said startled. James immediately tried to catch my gaze but I couldn't look at him just yet. I could practically feel the tension coming off of Kristen as she tried to look anywhere but at Sirius.

"Congratulations on making Head Girl," Remus said, most likely to break the awkward silence that had consumed us.

"Thanks," I smiled at him briefly. I looked at the boys, knowing what I had to do, but still feeling a little scared at the same time.

"When's the meeting?" he asked me conversationally. Even though Dumbledore hadn't made Remus Head Boy he still got to be a prefect.

"Probably around eleven fifteen," I said to him. He nodded. The prefects' meeting was always around that time each year. But as I was Head Girl I could change the time if I wanted. I took a deep breath, knowing that I was about to do something that I could very easily regret. "James do you want to come with me for a second and I can give you a quick run-down of how the meetings usually go? We can get ourselves on the same page for the meeting."

James looked over at me in shock. His head whipped around to look at me so fast I swear I could hear the air move. His eyes were slightly wide behind his glasses. He looked as if he couldn't quite believe his ears. Remus, Sirius, and Peter looked surprised as well. Kristen just smiled at me knowingly. James recovered himself after a couple of seconds. The surprised look remained on his face though.

"Yeah, alright," he said. He then turned to his friends and told them to go on without him. The three boys disappeared to the back of the train.

"I guess I'll get going," Kristen said as she walked away from us.

"I'll see you later," I called out to her as she went to find Emily and Caroline. I turned to James who was still looking quite shocked.

"You can put your eyes back into your head," I said to him with a small smile.

"Sorry," he muttered, "I just can't really get over the fact that you're talking to me," he admitted.

"Either can I," I confessed. He nodded, as if that made perfect sense.

"Lily I'm sor," he started to apologize but I cut him off.

"I know," I said with a sigh. "I know you're sorry James. And quite frankly I don't really want to hear it anymore. I want you to shut up about it alright? You make it very hard to hate you," I told him.

"Well I don't want you to hate me," he insisted.

"I should hate you," I sighed. He looked up at me, sensing the unspoken_ but_. "But we were on a break…and I wasn't being very fair. I'm still pretty pissed off that the day we go on a break you just—but I'm willing to look past that."

"You are?" James asked me incredulously.

"I can't even believe I'm saying this right now!" I exclaimed. "I don't really like not being with you James. It kind of sucks. And what happened at the end of term..."

"It was a mistake," he interrupted.

"Right, and people make mistakes…nobody is perfect. So I'm willing to forgive you for this particular mistake," I informed him.

"Seriously?" James looked at me in disbelief.

"I was talking to Kristen and it just sort of opened my eyes to how lucky we are. She trusted your stupid best friend and he broke her heart. He didn't even try to save their relationship…he just gave up. You fought for me and that means a lot," I told him exactly how I felt.

"Of course I fought for you," James said with a smile. "After we had that huge row I was talking to Remus. He kept going on and on about young love and how your first love isn't necessarily the person you're going to marry. He was saying how school relationships aren't the end of the world because we're all bound to meet someone later on in life. And that's when I realized I didn't want to meet anyone else. You're it for me. I can't see myself with anyone else. So I had to fight for you. I would have been an idiot if I didn't."

"It's not going to be easy," I sighed.

"What isn't?" he wanted to know.

"Getting back to the way things were," I explained. "I love you James. But you really hurt me. And it's going to take some time to move past this."

"I know," he said hanging his head. "But I think we can do it."

"Yeah?" I asked with a small smile, he sounded so sure of himself.

"Definitely." He said firmly. "Except I'm not gonna lie I have no idea why Dumbledore made me Head Boy I have no clue what to do." I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little bit at that.

"Well then it's a good thing I do," I said shaking my head. I explained how the meetings usually went. I told James that today, all we had to do was help the prefects patrol the train and then we got to go back to our friends. There were other things I left out but James didn't need to be overwhelmed with information on his first day.

"I still don't get why Dumbledore gave me this position. I thought it would be Remus for sure," James said after our very successful first prefects meeting. We took the first shift of patrols and we were just walking up and down the corridors of the train.

"Remus is an excellent student but he's not much of a leader. He's more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. You're a natural born leader James," I said shaking my head. James was perfect in the meeting. He didn't mess up once. And when we talked to the prefects he sounded a lot less nervous than I did. I was a bit envious of him.

We walked past the compartment where Remus was sitting with Emily, Kristen, and Caroline. Sirius and Peter were conspicuously absent. Remus, Emily, and Caroline seemed to be having a lively conversation but Kristen was just staring out the window. I couldn't get the picture of her, looking so sad eyed and defeated as she told me about how much Sirius had hurt her, out of my head. I wasn't used to seeing her so empty. She was always full of emotion, whether it was happiness or anger she was usually pretty passionate. But when we were talking she just seemed defeated and empty.

"Where are Sirius and Peter?" I asked James. He looked in the compartment and noticed their absence. He just shrugged. "Sirius is a jerk." I found myself saying. James just frowned at me. "Ok well he isn't always a jerk but I really am not happy with him right now. What he did was so wrong."

"It's complicated," James sighed running a hand through his hair.

"Are you really going to defend him?" I asked in surprise.

"No!" James exclaimed. "It's just I know why he did what he did. I don't think it was right…but he's my best friend and I've got to stand by him too."

"Why did he do it?" I wanted to know.

"Kris told you about their row?" James wondered. I nodded my head. "Sirius is weird about his family. They weren't much of a family to him. He did love them at one time, when he was young. They were the only people he ever loved and they hurt him. It messed with him. And he hasn't been able to get away from it. Whenever people get too close he hurts them. He hurts them before they can hurt him. He did it with us, almost got rid of us too. But we wouldn't let him. When he found himself starting to trust Kristen he pulled back so that she couldn't let him down. He betrayed her so that she wouldn't have the chance to do that to him."

"But that's not fair!" I protested. "What if she never hurt him?!"

"I know, but that's just how he is," James sighed.

"He could have been so happy with her," I said sadly.

"They were happy together," James agreed.

"And he really let her down. She's not the same anymore," I informed James angrily. James looked surprised to hear this. "What you didn't notice?"

"I haven't really talked to Kristen all summer," James admitted. "I didn't think it was a good idea given everything that happened."

"Well I think you should talk to her. You're friends and this has really changed her," I suggested.

"You're okay with that?" James asked.

"With you talking to her? Yeah," I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. Sometimes James was such a girl. "I'm not going to tell you who you're allowed to talk to James."

"Yeah well I figured you wouldn't want me to," he shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't care. I'm not _that_ insecure," I replied with a laugh.

"I feel like so much has changed," James sighed sadly.

"Me too," I agreed with a frown.

"When do we stop walking around?" James asked me. Our hour of patrolling was almost up.

"Ten more minutes," I informed him.

"And how often do we do this?" he wanted to know.

"We set up a schedule with the prefects," I reminded him, "Everyone gets different shifts. It works out that there's two people doing rounds everyday."

"That's exhausting," James declared.

"That's being a prefect," I told him.

"Did you always want to be Head Girl?" James asked me.

"Yeah," I admitted blushing a bit. Ever since I got named prefect I wanted to be the Head Girl. When I was in my 5th year, the Head Girl was a Ravenclaw named Sarah Clawatter. She was so smart, and pretty, and cool. She was basically my role model. I wanted to be just like her when I was in my seventh year. And somehow I linked being like Sarah with becoming Head Girl.

"I never even dreamed of being Head Boy. I swear we all thought it would be Moony. I was fine with just Quidditch Captain," James told me.

"Now you've got Quidditch and Head duties to worry about," I said with a smirk.

"Don't remind me," James groaned.

"And we've got NEWTS this year," I added.

"And I have to take almost every class," James sighed unhappily.

"You're going to try and be an Auror?" I asked.

"Like my dad, yeah," James said with a grin. I could tell how much he looked up to his father. James was always talking about his parents like they were the coolest people in the world. Most teenagers were embarrassed by their parents, but not James, he admired them. To James, his parents were heroes.

"That's great," I said enthusiastically.

"What about you? Are you still thinking about that weird potions thing," James wondered.

"No I'm leaning more towards being a healer," I admitted. It was weird to be with James, talking about the future. After not seeing, or hearing from James all summer I had forgotten what it was like to have somebody that I could tell anything and everything.

"You would make a great healer. And I'm not just saying that," James told me with a smile. I grinned too. I had forgotten how much I liked just sitting around and talking to him.

"I want to put Voldemort in his place," James told me.

"I know you do," I said to me. I really had to admire James for his courage. Not a lot of people grow up saying that they want to fight the most powerful dark wizard the world has ever seen. But James did. He knew from the very beginning that he had to be the one out there fighting.

"I just want to make a difference in the world," I told James with a shrug.

"Well that shouldn't be too hard. You already have. Just by being here we're all changing the course of the universe. That's what my dad says anyway," James shrugged his shoulders.

"You think he's right?" I asked.

"Definitely. We have the power to change people's lives. Even if it's just one person," James reasoned.

"Yeah," I liked the thought of that. By deciding to forgive James I had already altered the course of fate. I liked the idea of having that power. "I think you're right."

**Author's Note: I'm sorry it took me so long to get back in the swing of things but from now on you guys can expect weekly updates!**

**Yellow14: I loved your review as always!**

**Secretly A Gryffindor: I just realized how drama filled that chapter was haha. Hopefully Lily redeemed herself in this chapter. There are many controversial things coming up for Sirius and Kristen so you can look forward to that!!!**


	15. Werewolves of London

**Chapter Fifteen:** or **Werewolves of London**

**Not exactly Remus's best day…**

**Remus's Point of View**

_I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand  
walkin through the streets of Soho in the rain.  
He was lookin for the place called Lee Ho Fooks, gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein._

_ Warren Zevon_

I always knew it was too good to be true. Everyone I knew was so accepting. Dumbledore let me into the school. Madame Pomfrey took care of me. My parents sacrificed everything. My friends looked past it. But I always knew that one day the fact that I was a werewolf was going to come crashing down on me. It was only just a matter of when.

Of course, there was that whole fiasco with Julie Belle. But that was almost a year ago. I had already put it far behind me. It was long gone in my mind. But this—this was so unexpected and sudden—it just sucks.

"Did you hear?" Severus Snape sneered at me one day during Potions. I turned around on my stool to see him glaring at me.

"Did I hear what?" I asked. We were supposed to be brewing an antidote to the Coughing Concoction so there was a lot of noise. There were conversations everywhere. People were complaining about how they had no idea what the antidote was, several explosions had already occurred, and occasionally there were some screams. It was just another day in Potions class, or so I'd thought. Snape looked around, saw that Slughorn was busy trying to deal with the mess Ryan Clearwater had made, and turned back to me.

"About the new Code of Conduct," he replied evenly.

"What new Code of Conduct?" I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Snape just rolled his eyes at me and smirked. He loved knowing something that nobody else did. The power just thrilled him. He was completely floored.

"Honestly Lupin, one would think someone like you would be more caught up with the news these days," Snape drawled at me. I glared at him as he stirred his Potion lazily. It was already the perfect sheen of blue that the antidote had to be.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked him angrily. Snape was particularly loathsome and I found that fact that he'd said "someone like you" rather offensive. What was that even supposed to mean?

"You know very well what I mean by that, _Moony_," he whispered. The emphasis on my nickname was unnerving. His eyes sparkled with malice. Ah, so this was a werewolf thing. He loved knowing my deepest, darkest secret. Snape seemed to thrive off of how uncomfortable I got every time he referenced it; which was quite often.

"Well, what's this Code of Conduct you're on about?" I wanted to know. As he probably already knew, Snape had caught my interest. I was now incredibly curious as to what he could possibly know about werewolves that I didn't.

"The Ministry switched their dealing from the Being Division to the Beast Division in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Snape told me grinning. I just stared at him. It was nothing remarkable. The Ministry was constantly switching which division they put werewolves in: Beast or Being. It changed almost every four years or so. Why this recent change would be surprising to me, I had no idea. There had to be something else he was getting at.

"So?" I knew there was something Snape was holding back. He just kept smirking at me in a rather irritating manner.

"So now that you're classified as a Beast you've got a new Code of Conduct," Snape sneered at me. He said it as if it should be obvious to me. It probably should have too but I was all too aware of the fact that he'd just called me a beast to care if he was insulting my intelligence or not. "Are you registered?" he asked me with a smirk.

"Yes," I mumbled blushing a bit as I said it. It was a highly embarrassing question to be asked. The Ministry requires that all werewolves be registered with their Department.

"Then I suppose you'll be getting a letter telling you all about it soon enough," Snape whispered viciously before turning back to his already perfect potion. He'd gotten tired of bothering me. I could tell by the way he stared fixedly at his potion, even though it was already complete. Not knowing what else to do I just swung back around in my seat.

The conversation with Snape bothered me a little bit. I hated that he knew so much more than I did. And then I thought that, perhaps he was making it all up. Just to get on my nerves. It wouldn't be the first time. But then again, why would he go through all that trouble just to come up with such an elaborate lie? It just didn't make sense.

My conversation with him haunted me for the rest of the day. I listened to random people's conversations to see if anybody was discussing anything relating to werewolves. Nobody seemed to have a clue. Maybe Snape had made the whole thing up after all. Eventually, as the day went on other things popped up and I forgot all about the whole Code of Conduct thing.

"Moony guess what!" Sirius was in a particularly good mood during our free period after Transfiguration. These days it was incredibly rare to find Sirius in a good mood. Ever since he'd had a freakout, cheated on Kristen, and bought his own house he'd been having mood swings that could compete with the most hormonal of girls.

"What?" I asked deciding to play along. There's no saying how long his good mood would last. I decided to embrace it while it was here.

"You won't believe what just happened!" he exclaimed with a weird smile on his face. I couldn't exactly tell if what had just happened was a good thing or a bad thing.

"You finally got McGonagall to admit she stole your Quidditch boxers?" I guessed jokingly. Back in fifth year a certain pair of his underwear had disappeared. To this day he remains convinced that Professor McGonagall stole them and decided to keep them as a souvenir.

"I wish," Sirius remarked playfully. "But sadly no. You know how McGonagall made me and Kris stay after class?" he began to tell his story. Ever since, the epic last day of term in our sixth year Sirius and Kristen had been getting into some really bad fights. At first, Sirius was refusing to admit that he was wrong. He's naturally stubborn and proud and it was damn near impossible for him to finally come around and say that he'd messed up. After he admitted to making a mistake Sirius pretty much begged Kristen to give him a second chance but she consistently refused. They've been fighting about it ever since.

"Yes I know," I said to him. They'd gotten into a pretty headed discussion in class. I don't even know how it started. She'd made fun of his terribly transfigured toad, he got mad because she wasn't talking to him and yet she still found a way to make fun of him. They started to yell at each other and McGonagall made them both stay after class.

"So the bell rings right? And I get up to go up to McGonagall's desk but Kristen's just sitting in her seat being all stubborn. So whatever, I go to talk to Minnie and she's all Mr. Black I am tired of you interrupting my class with your loud disputes blah blah blah. So I pointed out that there were two people involved in the argument and Kristen is still sitting in her seat being all stubborn and stuff so then McGonagall just looks at her and says we can go!" Sirius told me all of this waving his arms around very enthusiastically. I didn't see what part of this story was supposed to be exciting. Maybe it was the fact that he escaped without getting punished.

"And you didn't even get detention?" I asked him. Sirius just shook his head.

"Nope. But wait I didn't even get to the good part yet," he insisted.

"Sorry continue," I prodded him along.

"So anyways, I leave, because I'm so happy I didn't get detention and I practically run out of the classroom. I had a hunch that Kristen would try and wait a few minutes before she left so that we wouldn't have to awkwardly not walk back here together so I waited outside McGonagall's classroom until she came out," Sirius explained.

"That's not creepy or anything," I couldn't help butting in with a sarcastic comment. Sirius just ignored me, too enthralled with telling his story.

"So she comes out and I just walk right up to her and say hello. I think she was surprised to see me or something because she jumped about five feet in the air and shrieked very loudly. And then she just glared at me and tried to walk away. But I'm not you, I don't like it when people walk away." I tried to interrupt him when he said that but he just kept going. "So I caught up to her and then the weirdest thing happened! She just stopped and looked at me. I was so surprised that I didn't even know what to say. So she finally just looks at me and asks 'Sirius what do you want?' and I was like 'I just want us to be friends again.' So after what felt like hours she finally said okay!" Sirius concluded his story gleefully.

"She agreed to be friends with you?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him. "Just like that?" It was hard to believe that after months of fighting Kristen would just give in. I got the feeling that Sirius was leaving out a part of the story.

"I couldn't believe it at first either," Sirius admitted flopping down on the couch next to me. "But yeah, she did."

"But why?" I couldn't help asking. It didn't really make sense. They'd been at each other's throats for months. I couldn't see why either of them would want to talk to each other any more. Sirius just threw a look at me. "Sorry Padfoot but you're not very nice to her." I shrugged my shoulders.

"She said that she was tired of fighting with me," he admitted. And suddenly his good mood had evaporated.

"Well, that's er, nice I suppose," I tried to be positive but that wasn't exactly a good reason for maintaining a friendship.

"Shut up Moony you know it sucks," he sighed sinking further down into the couch. "At this rate I'll never get her back." He looked so dejected that I couldn't be my normal cynical self. I had to try and be optimistic for him.

"Well maybe you could just prove how sorry you are by being the best friend ever," I suggested. It wasn't surprising to hear that he still wanted to get Kristen to forgive him. He'd been trying to do so for months. Unfortunately, Kristen can hold a mean grudge and in her books cheating got you a very long grudge.

"Yeah right," he laughed sarcastically. His demeanor changed again to more melancholy. "I just really thought she was the one Moony. I'd never trusted anyone like that. She was like, the Lily to my James." I wanted to but in and ask him why he'd gone and made out with Heather whatever her last name was but I was supposed to be on Sirius's side so I refrained.

"Well then if it's meant to be everything will work out in the end," I told him. Even as I said it I knew I didn't believe it.

"Do you really believe in that whole meant to be crap?" he asked me with a laugh, seeing right through my words.

"No not really. It just felt like the right thing to say," I shrugged.

"Well thanks anyway," Sirius sighed before getting up and trudging up the stairs to our dormitory. I watched as he slowly disappeared, taking each step one at a time.

Sirius's predicament completely distracted me from my own. I had totally forgotten about my conversation with Snape in Potions class. The whole thing was so far gone from my mind that when I got a letter from the Ministry at breakfast the next morning I had no idea what it could be about.

"What's that about?" James asked as he eyed the Ministry seal. A random school owl had dropped the letter in front of my eggs and bacon.

"No idea," I said as I picked up the letter and ripped it open. As I read through the letter I began to remember what Snape had said. My heart started racing as I read each and every word on the page without really taking them in. Something about a division switch, a Code of Conduct and a lot more that I couldn't really comprehend.

"Moony are you alright?" Sirius asked. I looked up from the letter to see that my friends were all staring at me.

"I'm going to go talk to Dumbledore," I said without answering his question. I could feel Emily's gaze on me as I got up from my seat at the Gryffindor table and made my way to the Headmaster's office. I knew that they all probably thought I lost my mind. After all people don't really just get up and leave in the middle of the meal. But suddenly it was way too crowded in the Great Hall and I couldn't be around all those people anymore. I had to get out of there. As I was walking through the corridors I ran into the Headmaster himself.

"Remus why aren't you at breakfast?" he asked me after we almost collided.

"I, uh, got this letter and I didn't really know what to do," I admitted. I felt a little silly, running to the Headmaster just because of a letter. But he was the only person at Hogwarts I trusted with my condition that could help me when it came to dealing with the real world. I couldn't even imagine going to Professor McGonagall to try and get advice.

"Ahh, from the Ministry I presume," Dumbledore said knowingly. His eyes twinkled behind the lenses of his glasses. The man honestly knew anything and everything that went on.

"Yes sir," I nodded still feeling quite worked up.

"Don't worry about that Remus," he advised with a wave of his hand. It was such a casual way to respond to something so prevalent.

"Don't worry?" I asked in shock. How could he possibly expect me not to worry?! It was a Code of freaking Conduct, of course I was going to worry!

"The Ministry is just being difficult," Dumbledore informed me. I didn't really know what he was talking about to be honest. Difficult?!

"What exactly does that mean?" I asked him.

"With Voldemort on the rise the Ministry is getting scared and paranoid. They are prejudiced against certain species and associate werewolves with the dark arts. All this new legislation means is that it's going to be a little difficult for you to get a job and impossible for you to get one in the Ministry. They are scared that if a werewolf were to work in the Ministry they would leak information to the Death Eaters," Dumbledore explained. It made a lot of sense when he said it like that. And who would want to work for the Ministry these days?! It was completely corrupt. So Snape had me freaking out over nothing. Typical Snape. I bet he totally loved watching me squirm.

"Oh," was all I managed to say.

"Do not worry about this Remus. It could be a lot worse," Dumbledore instructed. And he was right, as usual.

"Okay sir, thank you," I said with a smile. I felt instantly relieved. It was kind of funny how a brief conversation with Dumbledore could be so soothing.

"I suggest you get back to breakfast," Dumbledore smiled at me.

"Right. Goodbye sir," I called out as I made my way back to the Great Hall.

When I got back to the Gryffindor table my friends were almost done eating. The hall was a lot more crowded and I could easily distinguish their worried faces from everyone else's cheerful ones. I felt a little guilty knowing that they looked so worried thanks to me. I plastered a smile on my face as I sat back down.

"What the hell was that about?!" James demanded to know as soon as I was seated.

"This," I said showing him the letter. I put it down on the table and James quickly snatched it up. He scanned the letter before passing it to Sirius. Sirius put it down between him and Emily as the two of them read it. Kristen, Lily, and Caroline stared at me expectantly.

"I don't get it," Sirius said as he looked up in bewilderment. He glanced at me, waiting for an explanation.

"Me either," James admitted. He looked just as confused as Sirius.

"I don't either," Emily sighed. She passed it back to me and I crumpled it up and threw it out with my napkin.

"It's nothing really," I told them shrugging.

"All I got was the division switch," Sirius said.

"Division switch? What division switch?" Lily wanted to know.

"The Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures switched werewolves from Being to Beast," James informed the girls.

"What?!" Lily exclaimed angrily. Being a muggleborn she wasn't used to the constant switching and transferring of departments.

"Again?" Kristen asked. She, like the others, understood that this was not exactly something we had to be worried about.

"Again," I confirmed with a nod.

"This happens often?" Lily wondered.

"About every four years," Sirius sighed.

"This time the switch came with a Code of Conduct," I announced. No one seemed to know what that was. I didn't blame them because honestly it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me either.

"And that is?" Sirius wanted to know.

"Basically it just makes it a lot harder for werewolves to get jobs," I explained to them. I pretty much just told them what Dumbledore had told me. "And impossible to get a job at the Ministry."

"But why would they do something like that?" Lily exclaimed. She was a firm believer in equal rights for all. She got particularly upset when James told her that house-elves prepared all our meals. Lily didn't stop screaming her protest until James took her into the kitchens and she saw how much the elves actually liked working in Hogwarts.

"Because they're scared," Emily told her wisely. Somehow Emily always understood everything. Not just everything concerning me, but everything. It was one of her many gifts.

"Of what?" Caroline asked.

"Voldemort," James put in. Everything always seemed to come back to Voldemort these days. It was getting really old, really fast.

"What do Voldemort and Werewolves have to do with each other?" Caroline almost laughed at the absurdity.

"Nothing yet. It's just a prejudice people have about some others. Usually werewolves are associated with the dark arts," James explained. Peter just sat there and nodded his head in agreement.

"And so the Ministry is just being paranoid," I concluded.

"That sucks," Sirius declared. I just shrugged my shoulders. By now I'd sort of gotten used to it. The whole life sucking thing. I'd grown to accept the fact that, because I'm a werewolf, most of the time my life would suck. I just had to really appreciate the rare moments that don't.

After breakfast was over Emily came up to me while the others headed off for class.

"Are you okay?" she asked looking concerned.

"Yeah, I was freaked out at first but I'm fine now," I reassured her.

"Ok good. And you're not going to try and break up with me right? You won't try and be all noble and say you can't date me because you're a werewolf right?" she asked hesitantly. I had to admit, if I was dating someone else I probably would have done exactly that. But I'm too selfish. I like Emily too much to let her go, even if it might be for her own good.

"Nope. And besides something tells me that you probably wouldn't let me," I told her with a smile. Emily just grinned at me.  
"You know me too well," she said with a smile lacing my hand with hers.

**Author's note: So I'm leaving for Italy on Friday at 5. I won't have access to a computer. This might be my last update for two weeks!**

**yellow14: good call on the family thing with Regulus and Sirius. We explore that a bit more next chapter!**

**grangerevansweasley: im glad you liked my version of it!**

**SecretlyAGryffindor: they are going to resume their previous relationship : ) I was worried I might have made Lily a bit too forgiving but I think Lily has a forgiving character. More drama in the next chapter, I promise.**

**Sydney Bieber: thank you so much for your lovely review. Im glad you are enjoying my story. Actually, I do read Percy Jackson but I haven't written any fan fiction for it yet. Maybe I will someday! I've got some more Harry Potter Stories to write first.**


	16. Disease

**Chapter Sixteen:** or **Disease**

**Kristen's bad day.**

**Kristen's Point of View**

_I got a disease  
Deep inside me  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
I can't live without you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
Keep your distance from it  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease _

_ Matchbox 20_

It was only the second week back and already all the teachers assigned us pounds of homework. At this rate I wouldn't be done working until Christmas. Today just seemed to be going from bad to worse. I woke up and my hair was a mess. I broke Caroline's brush trying to untangle my hair and then resigned myself to having a bad hair day. Thankfully Lily is handy with her spell work and managed to disguise the unruly section of my hair. I tripped on a pancake during breakfast and almost broke my nose in the fall when my face hit the hard marble ground. I got an E on the Transfiguration paper that I thought I'd written very well and it just kept getting worse.

I was sitting in the Great Hall during lunch with Lily and Caroline. They were going on and on about something…I don't really know what. To be honest I'd mostly been tuning them out all day. My brain seemed to be going a mile per minute and I could not listen to one more word about who got a haircut and who failed their Defense exam. I just couldn't.

I picked up my fork and twirled it around in my hand. I glanced down our table and took a look at everybody eating their lunch. It was kind of soothing to just picture all the Gryffindors eating a peaceful lunch. I'd almost managed to relax completely when I noticed Sirius flirting with some blond Ravenclaw. I can't believe I gave into his pleading and agreed to be friends. Now I have to actually tolerate his presence. How could he insist that he wants to get back together when he's off flirting with other girls?! Honestly who does he think he is? Suddenly my appetite vanished.

"I'm not really hungry anymore," I said to Lily and Caroline. They both looked up from their conversation in surprise. I usually eat like a teenaged boy. "I'm just going to go to the library. I'll catch up with you guys later." I had to get out of the Great Hall and away from stupid Sirius and the stupid blond Ravenclaw. As if to prove that my afternoon was going to be just as awful as my morning I ran into one of the slimiest people on my way out of the Great Hall.

"Get out of my way Snape!" I hissed shoving him away from me.

"It's Snape now?" asked the git, still not moving out of my way. "No more Snivellous?" he asked in mock concern. "Oh, right. I forgot, that's a _Black_ thing." I did not appreciate the extra emphasis he placed on Sirius's name. Snape was loving this particular opportunity to torture me.

"Shove off," I said angrily. I averted my eyes from his gaze.

"You're quite touchy today Shepherd," he remarked casually as if we were discussing the weather. "You're not your usual self. You haven't really been the same…ever since you and Black broke—"

"Shut up!" I roared at him, breaking him off in mid-sentence. Snape just smirked at me in his infuriating way.

"Have I struck a nerve?" inquired the Slytherin snickering. Why he loved torturing me I had no idea. I didn't find particular enjoyment in harassing him. I wasn't Sirius or James; I never hexed him without provocation. I had a bad habit of calling him Snivellous all last year but the name has yet to come out of my mouth this year. I really didn't want to deal with him anymore so I shoved him out of my way and stalked off angrily down the hallway. Thinking about Sirius was bad enough but it was even worse when other people brought him up.

While I was practically running through one of the many breezeways I walked head on into a person. We collided with a loud crash and I bounced off of whomever I'd just crashed into. Books went tumbling as we both fell to the ground. It was quite a spectacular fall.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed climbing to my feet. When I looked up to see the unfortunate individual I'd pummeled to the ground my eyes met with familiar gray ones. The person I'd unceremoniously knocked into just so happened to be Sirius's younger brother Regulus, a sixth year Slytherin. Regulus just so happened to be the reason Sirius and I had fought…resulting in him cheating on me. I'd also crashed into Regulus last year. "Oh it's you," I said after noticing him. I could feel the corners of my mouth pulling down into a frown.

"Is that how you treat people you plow over?" Regulus asked smirking at me. I looked up at him…yes I had to look up. He'd grown over the summer; gotten almost as tall as Sirius—which is a lot taller than me. I did have a terrible habit of running into the guy. And whenever I did run into him it usually had terrible repercussions…go figure. I mumbled an apology hoping the bad karma wouldn't rub off on me this time. I began to hastily collect my books, wanting nothing more to do with Blacks or Slytherins.

"Sorry didn't catch that," Regulus said still smirking as he collected his own books. He looked so calm and it irritated me. He was such a smooth talker whereas I stuttered and mumbled my way through everything. His smooth talking and just his mere presence were starting to get on my nerves.

"Whatever," I sighed in distress, "my bad. Now _move_." I uttered these words rather harshly. He hadn't really done anything to me. In fact, I was the one who knocked him over. I didn't know why I was being so rude to him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the last time I talked to him Sirius and I got into a fight and my boyfriend cheated on me. That had to be it.

"Not your usual self, Shepherd," he observed coolly. "Where's your pleasant disposition?" I had been noticeably nicer to him the last time we ran into each other. "Did you leave it behind with my filthy brother?" He was still smirking at me. And it was still infuriating. Not to mention, that was the second time someone referenced my non-existent relationship with Sirius. I was really starting to get worked up. Today is soooo not my day.

"Leave me alone," I said in a harsh, low voice while glowering at his shoulder. I didn't want to look at his face and see those gray eyes that reminded me so much of his brother. Maybe if I was rude enough to Regulus he would take the hint and disappear. Yeah right. Regulus decided to ignore my kind request. Apparently he had other plans. Instead, he slowly backed me up against the wall. I tried to move away from him—get away, but he had me pinned in a corner. I could feel the cold stone against my back through my school sweater.

"What has my brother done to you?" he asked in a low, serious voice. I wanted to punch him but Lily's constant insistence that violence is not the answer had finally registered with me. Instead I settled on staring a hole through his shoulder, rather than look at his regrettably attractive face. "Sirius really got to you," he said with a sigh. "It's a shame. You were actually quite decent before him," he continued in that same low tone. I tried to ignore him but I felt my eyes stinging anyway. I could hear the faint sound of hundreds of voices, which meant that lunch was almost over.

"I have to go," I said trying to move around him somehow. He wouldn't have that. I even tried to push past him but I couldn't get his body away from me. My half-hearted attempts were feeble. I don't know why I let him continue talking to me. I have no clue why I didn't just whip out my wand and hex him into next week. I could have taken him in a duel but I just stood there, pinned up against the wall by Regulus, and let him taunt me.

"You've got time," Regulus declared. He reached out and tilted my chin up so that I was forced to meet his gaze. He looked so much like Sirius that it almost hurt to look at him. He kept his face perfectly emotionless. I couldn't read his heavily guarded expression no matter how hard I tried.

Once again, I made a pathetic attempt to move from his grasp. Regulus just smiled as if he were laughing at me. It was almost as if he could tell I wasn't really trying my hardest to get away from him. I still wasn't exactly sure why I wasn't trying harder to escape. Physically he had the advantage but my spellwork was much better. I could have easily hexed him out of my way and yet I didn't. And it was even more infuriating because Regulus knew it. I could tell by his smile that he knew. He soooo knew. I struggled and he just laughed.

He took a step closer to me; which I hadn't imagined was possible. We were ridiculously close now. I could hear his heart beating against mine. And then, without any warning he just kissed me. Out of nowhere he just pressed his lips up against mine. At first I was shocked. I was so in shock that I cannot be held responsible for what happened next.

Not realizing what I was doing I began to kiss him back. It's a completely normal reaction! When someone pins you up against a wall and kisses you you're supposed to kiss them back. It had felt so normal. At the moment it had felt like the right thing to do.

Then the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. The harsh sound pierced my mental state of shock and forced my mind back into reality. Once I'd regained my senses I shoved Regulus away from me. He stumbled back, clearly just as out of it as I was. I didn't even look back as I ran through the castle. I didn't stop until I got to the Defense classroom. Once I was inside I let out a huge sigh of relief. What had I been thinking? I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was officially in deep karmic trouble. You can't just go around kissing your ex-boyfriend's little brother and expect nothing bad to happen. I knew something terrible was bound to happen.

Finally I managed to get my head out of the clouds and find my seat. I sat down between Sirius and Caroline and started to take out my books. I went to turn the Defense book to the chapter we were currently studying when I realized that I had the wrong book. I flipped it over to the front cover and saw that it was the sixth year book. I turned to the front flap and saw that I had taken somebody else's textbook. Regulus Black was printed in neat handwriting on the flap. I must have accidentally grabbed his book in my haste to collect my belongings.

I groaned knowing that at some point I would have to hunt Regulus down so we could exchange books. I really did not fancy being alone with that bloke. I did not trust myself with him. He was far too intoxicating for his own good. And I should have known better. I shouldn't have let myself go in his presence. Sirius must have heard my groan of despair because he looked over at me and at the book in my hands. I saw him glance down to the front flap and I saw the recognition in his eyes when he saw his little brother's handwriting. He was not going to be happy.

"How did you get my brother's book? Did you see him? What were you doing with him?" the questions came rather quickly. Sirius sounded extremely annoyed and if I wasn't mistaken a little bit worried. But I was probably wrong about the worried bit. Rather than give him a mature answer I replied childishly.

"You're not my babysitter," I snapped at him. He just glowered at the book and at me. I turned my head, determined not to sink to his level of glaring, and engaged Caroline in a conversation until the lesson started. Once Professor Kelble, our new teacher, began to talk I threw a couple of dirty looks at Sirius.

I wasn't supposed to be giving Sirius dirty looks. In fact we were supposed to be friends. Even though I was still royally pissed at him for cheating on me I couldn't stand to fight with him anymore. It was emotionally draining. Our fights always left me exhausted. So I'd agreed to be his friend. Except, this whole being friends thing was proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would.

I was able to speak with him in an awkwardly formal manner if Merlin forbid, the two of us were ever left alone. I was relatively civil towards him when we were in large group situations. In classes he was just another classmate. But sometimes Sirius did something so irritating and it just pissed me off. I would loose it and yell and glare and throw insults. The fight would only end when he would remind me that we were supposed to be trying to be friends. And with friends, glaring and dirty looks are not allowed…either is insult hurling either apparently.

And then there were the times when Sirius acted so genuinely nice and treated me like he used to when we were going out. Those times were the worst because it reminded me of how much I loved him and how much he had hurt me. Those were the times that made me do stupid things like go and shag his best friend, hook up with players like Amos Diggory, and kiss his little bother. I would do anything just to get Sirius out of my mind. I wanted to forget how much I used to like him. The way I figured, if I was with another guy I could just forget about Sirius and concentrate on them. Unfortunately it didn't always work that way.

So while I was busy throwing dirty looks at Sirius (only when he wasn't looking at me of course) he was busy throwing dirty looks at Regulus's textbook. He was probably drawing his own conclusions about how I'd gotten his brother's book. I spent the rest of class pretending not to notice Sirius's glares and he pretended not to notice mine.

Several hours later it was finally time for dinner. We were on our way up to the common room to drop off our bags when Caroline and I ran into Regulus. He was standing in the corridor that led to the staircase I needed to use. I sighed when I realized we had no choice but to talk to him. Apparently, he'd been waiting for me.

"I believe you have something that belongs to me," he said as soon as we approached him. Caroline's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she heard this but I just rolled my eyes.

"And you have something that belongs to _me,_" I pointed out. I was vaguely aware of Caroline looking from Regulus to me and back to Regulus. She was probably surprised to hear the almost suggestive tone in our voices. I was surprised too. Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James appeared at the top of the staircase and Regulus shot a contemptuous glance in their direction. And suddenly I had a realization. There was no way we just _accidentally _happened to take each other's books.

"You took my book on purpose!" I hissed at him so that no one else could hear. He just smirked at me.

"It took you this long to figure that out?" he asked laughing.

"You just want to piss him off," I accused Regulus. It seemed he would stop at nothing to annoy his brother. The seriously pissed off part of me admired that.

"So," he replied with a shrug.

"So you took my book knowing I would take yours. And knowing Sirius would notice and get mad!" I declared in a hushed tone. It was something only a Slytherin would think of.

"Yes," he nodded. I noticed that Caroline was slowly stepping away from us and the boys were starting to stare…we were blocking the steps after all.

"You'd do anything to piss him off," I said in amazement.

"I'm a Slytherin for a reason," he replied. He sounded rather proud of that fact. "You'd do anything to piss him off too." Regulus said to me.

"I would not!" I retorted. He'd basically called me a Slytherin and I resented that. I grabbed his book out of my bag and shoved it at him. "Here take your stupid book." He just laughed at me.

"You're just like me but you don't want to admit it," he insisted handing me my own book.

"I am nothing like you," I told him defiantly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius and his friends start to come down the stairs even though we were blocking the bottom. I made to move and get out of their way but Regulus stopped me by grabbing my hand. It was gentler than this afternoon but still firm.

"You are _just_ like me," he said quietly. His gaze was ridiculously penetrating. I tried not to get distracted.

"You are full of crap," I replied evenly.

"I'll prove it," his smirk unnerved me.

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" I asked him rolling my eyes. The next thing I knew Regulus was kissing me for the second time that day. And I, in all my stupidity, kissed him back. I told Caroline that I only did it because I wanted to make Sirius mad—but that was lie. While it was true that I did it to make Sirius mad I also did it because I wanted to kiss him.

"But Kris, he's a _Slytherin_," Lily said in our dorm room. It was Friday night and we were all just sitting around and talking. It was a typical girl's night.

"So?" I asked.

"Not only is he a Slytherin but he's Sirius's little brother," Caroline exclaimed.

"So?" I repeated.

"I can't believe you would do something like that," Emily said shaking her head at me. I frowned at her, suddenly offended.

"Something like what?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

"You're only doing it to make Sirius mad," Emily accused me. Regulus and I had been hooking up for about a week. And at first I was only with him to make Sirius mad but oddly enough I found myself enjoying his company. He was always straightforward and to the point. There was none of the beading around the bush and sparing people's feelings crap. It was strangely refreshing. When I tried to explain this to my friends they didn't really understand where I was coming from.

"He's a Slytherin!" Caroline protested.

"And Sirius's brother!" Lily exclaimed.

"You think I don't know that?" I asked. "I'm pretty much condemning myself to a year of extremely bad karma but I don't really care."

"You're bitter with Sirius. And I can understand that, really I can. But this is not the right way to deal with the situation," Emily insisted. She always tried to be so philosophical about everything. She didn't understand that sometimes people did things because they let their emotions take over.

"I know you don't really get what I would see in him but that's ok. It doesn't matter you're not the one with him are you?" I said to them. Caroline rolled her eyes and Emily was still displeased but I didn't care. And they weren't the only ones who didn't like my strange relationship with Regulus.

The first time the guys saw me kiss Regulus they didn't exactly have a reaction. They just turned around and walked right back up the stairs to the boys' dorm. The next time I kissed Regulus James and Sirius stalked out of the room followed by Peter but Remus confronted me about it.

"What exactly are you doing?" he demanded to know as soon as Regulus had gone back over to the Slytherin table. It was breakfast time and there was a significant amount of people present to witness our interaction.

"Eating breakfast," I replied grabbing some toast and putting it on my plate.

"Clever," Remus remarked sarcastically. "I'm serious. What exactly do you think you're doing?" I looked up at him. It wasn't like Remus to meddle in other people's business. Part of me thought that Emily put him up to it.

"Why do you care?" I asked him.

"Because whatever it is that you're doing is affecting my best friend. You're messing with him. And I don't like it when people mess with my best friends."

"I'm not messing with him," I replied defensively.

"You know that's not true," Remus responded evenly.

"It is. What I do has nothing to do with him. Not anymore. He made sure of that himself." Suddenly I was angry. "He's the one who messed with me not the other way around." I said getting up and pushing out of my seat.

"Kristen," Remus called after me as I rushed out of the Great Hall. I ignored him as I practically ran back to my dorm. The next one of Sirius's friends to try and confront me was James.

"We've been friends for a long time," he said to me during our free period.

"Yes," I agreed flipping the page of the library book I was currently reading.

"Long enough to give each other advice and stuff," he continued. I didn't say anything in response but I nodded my head. "And long enough that you can't get mad at me when I say I don't like what you're doing."

"Nope not long enough for that," I said slamming the book shut and putting it back on its shelf.

"Kris, come on. Let's be real here. We all know you're only doing this to get on Sirius's nerves. And it's working. He's really pissed off. So you can stop now," James pleaded with me. There was a slight hint of desperation in his tone and I was tempted to give in to him. I had to fight the urge away.

"I resent that accusation," I told him walking out of the library. I had hoped he would leave our conversation at that but James just followed me.

"But it's true," he insisted.

"No it isn't," I said shaking my head.

"Ok well let's pretend it isn't true. Then I still think this is a bad idea because you're only going to get hurt. Regulus is a Slytherin," James repeated the argument I'd only heard a thousand times.

"I know what I'm doing so everyone can just back off and stop telling me what to do. I'm tired of it," I exclaimed.

"Just think about what you're doing Kris," he said. I just ignored him and kept walking. I wasn't the least bit surprised when he didn't follow me this time.

"Would you rather drown or burn to death?" Regulus asked me one day during the free period after lunch. It was about two weeks after we first started doing whatever it was that we were doing.

"Are you planning my death?" I asked him jokingly.

"Always jumping to conclusions," he laughed shaking his head. "No I'm not planning your death I've just always wondered which is worse. Drowning or burning?"

"I think drowning is worse. It's definitely a lot scarier. Burning is just really painful," I replied. "But then again if you burn to death you're in pain for a lot longer…can we stop having this conversation? It's grossing me out." Regulus just laughed at me. He was always trying to make conversation. He claimed it was to get to know me better. But he always asked the weirdest questions. The other day he asked if I would rather have an extra arm or an extra leg.

"There's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend," Regulus told me casually.

"Ugh don't remind me," I groaned. All week Lily, Caroline, and Emily had been practically begging me to find a normal guy to date. They thought that if I went to Hogsmeade with some random Hufflepuff it would cure me of my current infatuation with Regulus Black.

"You don't like Hogsmeade?" he asked raising an eyebrow. I shook my head.

"No it's just my friends have been pestering me to find a normal date for this weekend. They think if I take some guy to Hogsmeade I'll stop hanging out with you."

"And have you selected this random guy?" he wondered.

"Do you even need to ask?" I replied and he smiled as he shook his head.

"You know we could go to Hogsmeade together," he suggested keeping his tone casual and conversational.

"Yeah I suppose we could," I agreed nonchalantly.

"Do you wanna?" he wondered.

"Sure I guess," I replied. Regulus looked at me in surprise. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing I just expected you to say no at first…and then only agree after I pestered you," he admitted. I just smirked at him and waited for him to piece everything together. It didn't take him very long. "You are such a Slytherin!" he exclaimed laughing. His smile was infectious.

"Am not," I protested grinning back at him.

"Are too!" he insisted. "You wanted me to ask you out so you could tell your friends and they would stop suggesting you go with somebody else. You are such a Slytherin!" He looked smug at this conclusion.

"No one ever said Gryffindors couldn't be manipulative," I told him smiling.

"Whatever Salazar," he retorted. I rolled my eyes but laughed all the same.

When I got back to the common room Lily and Emily were sitting in front of the fire working. I went over to join them and saw that they were writing their Charms essays. I hadn't finished mine yet so I got out my Charms books and prepared to start working with them. I'd barely had the parchment out when Emily turned to me and said,

"So I heard Amos doesn't have a date for this weekend yet."

"That's unfortunate for him," I said pulling my quill out of my bag.  
"Why don't you go with him?" Lily suggested as if the idea had just occurred to her. I had to force myself not to laugh.

"No, seeing as I've already hooked up with him I'd really rather not," I replied. Lily and Emily exchanged a look they thought I couldn't see.

"Well you don't have anyone else to go with," Lily urged.

"And since when have you ever cared about having a date? Before you and James started going out you were always saying how girls don't need to have a date every single time there's a Hogsmeade weekend," I reminded her.

"Ugh, you're right I'm sorry!" Lily sighed tossing her quill down. She was clearly frustrated.

"Don't worry about it I already have a date," I told them fighting the urge to smirk.

"You do?!" They both asked in surprise. I nodded my head in response.

"Who?" asked Lily eagerly. She looked excited. I felt bad about telling her who it really was. She was only going to be disappointed.

"Who do you think?" I asked her with a laugh. Both of their faces seemed to fall. That didn't faze me. It's not like I expected them to be thrilled. I just wanted to get them off my back.

"I um, didn't know you guys were…serious or anything," Emily said finally. I just shrugged my shoulders at them. Lily and Emily exchanged another glance. They seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. "That's exciting then," Emily offered with a small smile. I was surprised that she was even bothering to pretend to be supportive.

"Be careful!" Lily blurted out. Emily and I both looked at her in shock. "It's just—be careful. Think before you do anything okay…just don't go falling for him or anything. I don't think we can trust him and I don't want you to get hurt." As annoying as it was, their constant nagging, I could tell that Lily really believed what she was saying. So I decided instead of flipping out I would just pretend to listen to her.

"Okay," I sighed giving up on getting any homework done.

"Okay?" Emily repeated looking surprised.

"Yeah sure, I'll be careful. Whatever," I told them packing my books back into my bag. I stood up and started making my way to our dorm but someone was blocking my way. Sirius was standing right in my path. We hadn't spoken for about two weeks. I'd sort of been hiding from him ever since I started seeing Regulus. Something told me he wouldn't exactly be too thrilled with me. I took a deep breath. So he was in my way; no big deal. I could just walk around him. I started to move to the side but he just moved again so that he was in my way no matter what.

"Hello Sirius," I said hoping he would move eventually.

"Heard you guys talking," he mumbled when I got closer. "Lily's right." I couldn't help rolling my eyes as he said this. "She is!" he insisted.

"Okay," I said trying to move past him. He wouldn't let me…Blacks were just too stubborn.

"Don't you 'okay' me. I want you to listen …really listen," he said to me. "I don't know what it is you think you're doing…if you're trying to piss me off or whatever it is. Just stop. That kid is going to hurt you if you don't watch out." I just crossed my arms and glared at him.

"I think you've taken care of that actually sooo…" I trailed off as he started to talk again. He looked rather uncomfortable.

"I know and I'm sorry about that. I know you don't plan on forgiving me any time soon either so there's no point in arguing this. Just cut the crap with the kid okay? I know him. And whether you believe it or not I care about you and I don't want to see you get hurt. You can't trust him. And when I say you I mean people in general. People can't trust him," his little speech would have been perfect if he didn't make me so mad.

"Yeah and I trusted you and look how far that got me," I retorted bitterly. He looked around the common room and saw that we had a little bit of an audience.

"Ugh, come here," he groaned in frustration. He grabbed my arm and pulled me over towards the boys' dorm. We disappeared where the rest of the common room wouldn't be able to here us.

"What do you want?" I hissed at him, keeping my voice low even though I knew no one else could hear us.

"I just—I don't know how to say this…I never really wanted to have to say this actually. And I don't even know if I should be saying this…it will probably just piss you off even more," He muttered more to himself than to me.

"Well if it's going to piss me off you probably shouldn't say it," I warned him narrowing my eyes in his direction.

"But I really should," he muttered, more to himself than to me. I couldn't take his erratic behavior anymore.

"Sirius what are you talking about?" I asked sounding less pissed off than I felt due to the fact that I was so confused.

"Listen I know this is going to sound like crazy talk but here's the thing. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I just sort of freaked out. In my experience the people you love just wind up hurting you. It doesn't matter how much you trust them they find a way to hurt you anyway. And you and I were so close and I loved you so much and I just didn't want to get hurt by you so I tried to push you away. It's just…it's what I do," he admitted. I was shocked by this revelation. I didn't really know what to say. I wasn't exactly sure how that information was supposed to make me feel any better about what had happened.

"Sirius I don't," I started to say but he interrupted me.

"Don't," he said shaking his head. "That doesn't even matter right now. I just—Lily's right okay? Just be careful."

"I know how to take care of myself," I found myself saying in a gentle manner.

"I know but Regulus—he's not he's," Sirius seemed to be struggling with his words. "I don't know why you're wasting your time with him. What you're playing at by fooling around with him. Maybe you actually like him…which I highly doubt. And maybe you're just trying to hurt me…and if that's the case…you did…congratulations you win."

Normally Sirius assuming that I would do something with the sole purpose of hurting him would really piss me off. But he seemed so genuinely concerned and upset that I just sort of felt bad, especially because part of my motivation had been to hurt him. So again, I was left somewhat speechless.  
"I don't know what you want me to say," I finally admitted. This made him smile…but it wasn't his usual smile. It was almost sarcastic.

"You're never going to say what I want you to say so that doesn't really matter. Just say you'll be careful," he told me.

"I did—I will," I said instantly. I couldn't really figure out why Sirius was able to have this affect on me.

"I really wish you weren't doing this," he sighed.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"My little brother," he said in a low hollow voice. He even sounded a little hurt. But maybe I was just imagining things.

"Sirius I—it's not like that," I assured him.

"Really? Then what is it like?" his tone has transformed from upset to sarcastic within milliseconds.

"I don't know," I confessed.

"Then stop," he urged, serious again.

"I cant," I sighed taking a step away from him.

"Why not?!" he wanted to know. He seemed a little surprised by what I'd said.

"Part of me really likes him," I admitted looking at the ground. I couldn't bear to look at Sirius's face.

"You're joking," he said in a flat voice.

"I wish I was," I sighed. I had to get out of that room before I broke down. For some reason I cared about Sirius and his feelings and what he thought about me. Even though I should hate him on principle I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I was surprised by the fact that I didn't want to hurt him too.

"Please don't do this to me Kris," he pleaded. I still couldn't meet his gaze. "You don't know what he's like!"

"No I don't," I agreed, "But I'm getting to know him and so far he hasn't broken my heart like you did so I'm just going to leave now before you can make me feel any worse about this. I'm not supposed to feel bad about moving on Sirius!"

"I don't want you to move on…especially not with my brother!" he exclaimed forcefully.

"Well it's not always about what you want," I yelled back. I didn't even know why I was bothering to fight with him. There was a part of me that knew I shouldn't care about Sirius anymore but another part of me that couldn't stop caring if I tried. Sirius just looked at me and I just looked at him. Neither of us seemed to know what to say.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said finally.

"And I don't want to fight with you either," I sighed. "Can we just agree to disagree about this?" I asked.

"No," he said shaking his head. "It's my brother Kris. My little brother, the Slytherin, muggle hating, pureblood fanatic. I thought you of all people would understand why I can't stand to be in the same room as him."

"I know your family treated you like crap but he's different," I tried to protest.

"No he isn't," Sirius said shaking his head. "He might try to make you think that he is but deep down he's just like the rest of them." Suddenly I felt tears welling up in my eyes. This was going to be the end of my friendship with Sirius. I could just tell. As long as I was with Regulus Sirius wasn't going to talk to me. He would either ignore me or fight with me. Either way we wouldn't be friends. I think Sirius knew it too. "Dammit Kristen why him!? There are hundreds of people in the school and it just had to be him?!"

"I'm sorry," I said shaking my head. I turned and practically ran out of the room. "I'm sorry!" I called out again over my shoulder as I left. I sprinted all the way back up into the girl's dormitory and forced myself not to cry.

**Author's note: This was a monster of a chapter haha. One of the longest one's I've written! **

**Yellow14: I loved your review as always. Poor Remus :( **

**SecretlyAGryffindor: Hopefully you got your fill of drama in this chapter!!**


	17. Wild World

**Chapter Seventeen:** or **Wild World**

**Lily gets really angry…**

**Lily's Point of View**

_Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world  
It's hard to get by just upon a smile_

_ Cat Stevens_

One of these days I'm just going to lose it. Everything seems so crazy. Peter has been even more weird than usual. Sirius has been acting like hormonal teenaged girl. Kristen has been cavorting with Slytherins. Remus has actually been happy. Caroline is just as confused as I am. The only constant in my life right now is James. And thank Merlin for him.

It's almost Christmas time and no one around here feels much like celebrating, besides maybe Remus and Emily. Anyways, Peter is being a regular old scrooge. Caroline has taken up with some Hufflepuff bloke. She claims she is tired of dealing with Gryffindor drama, whatever that means. Anyways James has been making his best effort to cheer Sirius up but Sirius just refuses to be happy these days. The only time I see him smile is when he flirts with other girls, shamelessly uses them, and moves on to the next one. I've been trying, very unsuccessfully, to get Kristen to snap out of her strange fixation with Regulus Black. But our house just seems so disunited these days. It's not a good thing.

James is always telling me how important it is for us to stick together these days. He's right of course. There's strength in numbers. Also we can only trust a small amount of people and it's hard when you can't even talk to your best friends without one of them practically dating the enemy.

So I was sitting at breakfast a couple days before Winter holiday, thinking about how much I wanted Kristen and Sirius and Peter and Caroline to start acting like our friends again when I got some terrible news. James had a subscription to the Daily Prophet so he received the paper every morning at mail time. When he unrolled today's paper his face went from calm and serine to enraged and furious within seconds.

"What?" I asked as soon as I noticed the change in his expression. He looked up at me, looking scared now. "James what is it?" I asked him from across the table. He motioned for me to come over to where he was. I got out of my seat and went around the table to sit next to him. He put the paper down between us so we could both read it at the same time. Once I saw the front page I knew what had made him so angry.

**MUGGLEBORN RESTRICTION ACT PASSED**

My mouth fell open in surprise when I read the headline and I forced myself to keep going and read the rest of the article.

**Last night the Ministry of Magic passed it's most invasive piece of legislature yet, The Muggleborn Restriction Act, otherwise known as the MRA. There has always been a small number of people within the government that believed muggleborns "stole" their magic. Until recent years the party has been relatively small and unsupported. Over the past couple of years this party has gained momentum and has formulated an argument convincing enough to persuade the Minister that this piece of legislation is necessary.**

** What is the MRA? That is a good question. The MRA has created a new Department in the ministry: The Department for Investigative Services concerning Muggleborns, simply the DISM. Starting in a week, the DISM will be conducting multiple investigations about Muggleborns. Are they really wizards? Did they steal their magic? Where did they get it from? People want answers. The MRA requires that every muggleborn witch or wizard registers with the Ministry. Then the DISM will go through the list and conduct hearings with each individual. **

** What should the muggleborns expect? If I were a muggleborn I would be incredibly concerned. I would start looking through my family tree. According to the MRA if a muggleborn can prove that there is a witch or wizard in their family they are exempt from the law. If not, their wands will be confiscated until the Ministry can deduce from whom they have stolen their magic.**

** The wizarding population is very pleased with this new legislation. The MRA seems harsh but it's for the greater good. Witches and Wizards will be a lot safer once the magical impostors have been ridden of their stolen magic.**

I looked up from the article to meet James's angst ridden face. He looked so angry and scared at the same time.

"I'm not going to register," I told him. Maybe that would make him stop worrying.

"You better not!" he exclaimed. "This is complete bullshit!"

"I know. Who does the Minister think he is?!" I exclaimed.

"He obviously isn't acting of us own accord," James sighed running a hand through his hair. He had a horrid habit of constantly doing that.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"It's just that…well I think he's been imperioused," James told me. "I told my dad that too but he just shook it off. But let's be real here. There's no way the Minister would ever make a law like that unless he's been cursed or blackmailed."

"You think Voldemort did this?" I wondered curiously. James always seemed to have an answer for everything.

"Not Voldemort himself but definitely the Death Eaters. They're infiltrating in the ministry. First all those Werewolf laws and now this. There's no way the ministry would do this unless the Death Eaters were involved," James reasoned with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So what do you think is going to happen?" I asked him.

"Some people will listen, some won't," he decided. "It's going to be chaotic. I don't know how they're going to figure out who is muggleborn and who isn't. It's not like there's a visible difference. And anyone can forge a family tree—you should make one of those…just in case."

"I suppose," I nodded in agreement.

"It will be hard for them to hunt down school-aged kids. Unless the kid comes from some well-known family anyone could claim to be a half-blood. Unfortunately it will be a lot easier for them to get the witches and wizards who already have a job in the wizarding community," James kept going.

"This really sucks," I said with a sigh.

"Don't worry about it. We're not going to let it affect you," James said sounding sure of himself. He sounded so confident that I believed him.

Eventually word got around about the MRA. A couple of kids' parents had already been taken away. Sarah Smith, a Hufflepuff fifth year, came into the Great Hall crying one morning. She was a half-blood. She had a wizard father but a muggleborn mother. Apparently her father wrote to her to tell her that her mother had been taken away for questioning. She wasn't the only one whose parents suffered that fate. Several witches and wizards were being hauled off for questioning.

"After I graduate we're leaving the country," Caroline informed us at dinner one night.

"What?!" exclaimed Kristen and James in shock.

"My parents can tell where this is going. It's only going to get a lot worse from here. I had to convince them to let me finish school. Once I graduate we're out of here," she seemed somewhat happy about the idea.

"So you're just gonna run away?" Sirius asked her.

"No I'm going to leave," she disagreed.

"But that's basically running away," Kristen pointed out.

"It's the smart thing to do!" Caroline exclaimed.

"You don't want to stay and fight?" James asked her.

"It's not really my decision. My family wants to leave and I'm going with them. I know you guys don't put a lot by your families," Caroline said that mostly to Sirius and Kristen, "but my family isn't screwed up and I'm going to do my best to help it stay that way. I have to go with them."

"Where are you moving to?" Emily asked.

"We're thinking about France," Caroline told her. "Apparently my mum has a cousin that lives there. She's going to help us with the move."

"That's exciting," Emily said trying to sound happy for her. Personally, I think Caroline was relieved to be getting away from the country. Everyone with a brain could tell it was only months before the government went under. Soon the Death Eaters would be in control of everything.

In fact, Caroline was right. It was the smart thing to do. But we were all too stubborn to leave. I knew that James wanted to stay and fight. Sirius would do the same. And if they stayed the rest of us would as well. Sirius, Kristen, and I, we didn't really have families anymore. Our friends were the only family we had left so we had to stick together. And we would fight together if that's what it came down to.

"Your parents are wise to take your family out of this country for a while," Remus said to Caroline. "It might get like World War Two here all over again." As usual nobody besides myself understood what Remus was talking about.

"Honestly would it kill you guys to pick up a muggle history book?" I asked in frustration.

"During the 30's fascism was gaining support all throughout Europe. Hitler was taking over Germany and he led a mass genocide," I explained.

"You think Voldemort is going to kill all the Jewish people?" Peter asked Remus in surprise.

"Not exactly Wormtail," Sirius said shaking his head.

"He's going to kill all the muggleborns," I told him my voice wavering a bit.

"The signs are all there," Remus sighed. "The MRA and WRA are similar to the Nuremberg Laws."

"So we're doomed?" Peter asked looking hopeless.

"Of course not," Kristen exclaimed.

"There are people willing to fight against Voldemort," James exclaimed.

"Yeah you and Dumbledore," Peter said with a snort.

"And the Aurors and a bunch of other people!" James insisted.

"Yeah but Voldemort's pretty powerful," Peter argued.

"But we can take him down," James said firmly. No one tried to argue him on that point, simply because James was so adamant about it. If it was up to him he would take Voldemort down all by himself.

The holiday break came and went without anything remarkable happening. I went home with James to meet his family. His parents were both very nice but extremely intimidating. They were both incredibly talented and aurors. I felt a little insignificant. However once I got over my initial preconceptions I found the Potters to be rather enjoyable. His father, Brian, had an interesting sense of humor. Needless to say I now understood why James and his friends were always pulling ridiculous pranks. Mrs. Potter, otherwise known as Laura was much more maternal than I figured she would be. And she made the best Shepherds pie I've ever tasted.

Mr. Potter also informed me that he had connections in the ministry and was already working a magical cousin into my family tree, just in case. I was extremely grateful to him and James's mother. Halfway through the break Remus, Peter, and Sirius came for a day just to visit. We all sat in the living room in front of the fire and talked merrily. For once it felt like the wizarding world wasn't on the brink of a war and we were all just a group of people enjoying their break from school.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end. When I got to the train station I immediately boarded the train and went to the prefects' compartment. James and I conducted the meeting like usual. I had to inkling that anything was wrong. However once we did our obligatory first round of patrolling the corridors I realized that something was amiss. James and I headed towards the compartment our friends sat in every year. We went to sit down but the compartment seemed different.

I looked around at all of our friends. Peter and Sirius were playing a game of exploding snap in the corner. Remus was reading a book and Emily was doing a crossword puzzle. Kristen and Caroline were missing.

"Where are Kristen and Caroline?" James asked the group.

"Kristen is with my git of a brother," Sirius responded darkly.

"What about Caroline?" I asked. No one seemed to want to answer me. They all exchanged looks. They appeared to debating who had to give James and myself the bad news.

"Caroline isn't coming back to school," Emily said after an awkward silence.

"What do you mean?" I asked in shock.

"She went home for break to find that her parents had already packed everything up. They were waiting at the station with all of their belongings and they just apparated to France from there. She is going to finish up her schooling at Beauxbatons," Emily told me the story I'm sure they all had only just heard.

"And she didn't tell any of us?" I demanded to know.

"She wrote a letter to Kristen the day after on Boxing day and told her what happened," Emily informed me.

"And Kristen didn't think to tell any of us?" I wanted to know why people were hiding things from me.

"Well Kristen went to France to try and convince her to come back," Emily supplied shrugging her shoulders. "She must have been busy because she didn't even tell me until today. She must have spent a week trying to get Caroline to come around. Care wouldn't listen to her though."

"I can't believe it," I sighed sinking into the seat next to Emily.

"I can," James growled sitting down across from me. "These days it seems like no body has the courage to stand up for what they believe in."

"Some people do," Peter said shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah and then Voldemort murders them," Sirius muttered darkly.

"That's not always the case Padfoot," Remus put in. "No one's offed Dumbledore yet."

"As long as Dumbledore's around we have a chance of fighting Voldemort. You know that James," I said to him gently.

"I know. I just get so frustrated," he sighed.

"Not everyone can be as brave as you are," I smiled at him.

"I'm not brave," James said shaking his head. I wasn't about to fight him on it so I just shrugged my shoulders.

"You are to me," I laughed.

"Alright enough of your mushy lover comments," Peter said just as his game exploding singing the tip of his nose and the bottom of his hair. We all laughed lightly as he frowned at the cards. "How come you always win?" he demanded to know of Sirius.

"I don't always win," Sirius muttered under his breath. I had a feeling he wasn't referring to card games when he said that either. Then as if on cue Kristen came into the compartment.

"Ah so you've decided to join us lowly Gryffindors?" Remus asked her. If Sirius or James had made the comment she would have been offended but Kristen just smiled at Remus.

"I felt it was about time I graced you all with my presence," she joked. Sirius looked rather sour but everyone else continued talking, still in a good mood thanks to Peter's new haircut and nose job. Comic relief was necessary these days.

It didn't really hit me that Caroline was gone until we got back to school. Kristen, Emily, and I turned to look at the second empty bed in our dormitory. I saw Emily tear up slightly and Kristen had her jaw clenched and a determined expression was on her face.

"It's so weird," I acknowledged the two empty beds in our dorm.

"I can't believe they're both gone!" Emily exclaimed.

"Good riddance," Kristen said surprising me.

"What?" I asked her in shock.

"No offence Lil but Julie was a bitch and Caroline was a jerk," she said emotionlessly.

"What happened when you went to France?" I asked her. Kristen looked away from us and glanced out the window. She took a deep breath before turning back to Emily and myself.

"She freaked out. I went to go talk to her. Ask her if France was what she really wanted. I offered to take her home with me and she just flipped. I think the whole Voldemort thing got her really high strung or something because she just—she flipped out," Kristen told us.

"What do you mean by flipped out?" Emily wanted to know.

"She said that I was the last person she would go home with. She said that she couldn't trust me anymore—that none of you should," Kristen trailed off and I noticed her voice was shaking. "She called me a Death Eater!"

"Because of Regulus?" Emily wondered. Kristen nodded her head. Although I didn't completely understand Kristen's reasoning for dating the younger Black, he was practically a Death Eater himself I never questioned where Kristen's loyalty would lie. She turned on her own family when she found out they were on Voldemort's side. She would never buy into all the Death Eater garbage.

"Don't worry," I told her, "we know you're not a Death Eater or anything." Kristen smiled at me.

"Thanks Lil, it's just sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing anymore," she sighed.

"I never really knew what you were doing," I half laughed.

"I know it doesn't make sense," she sighed.

"Don't worry about it," Emily advised. "Julie did the same thing when she left. Julie was scared so she freaked out. Caroline was scared…we all are. And she freaked. Don't take it too personally." I had almost forgotten about Julie's freak out before she died. She had lost her cool and accused Remus of all these terrible things. She had been my best friend and became a stranger all thanks to Voldemort.

"Yeah, you're right," Kristen decided collapsing onto her bed.

"Now it's just the three of us," Emily said sitting on Kristen's bed as well.

"I got into another fight with Sirius," Kristen told us as I joined them on her bed.

"Again?" I asked. Their fights were occurring almost daily now.

"Yeah, and this one was bad, _really_ bad," Kristen sighed.

"Why? What was it about?" Emily asked sounding intrigued yet concerned at the same time.

"What they're always about," Kristen laughed darkly. "Except this time…I don't know usually by the end he's not angry anymore just sad but this time he was really really angry the whole time."

"What do you mean?" I didn't really understand the dynamic between the two of them.

"It's just like when we fight he always ends it with something like I'm sorry and I'd do anything to be with you again and I care about you I just don't want to see you get hurt…stuff like that," she explained. "But this time, I don't remember what he said exactly, but it was something along the lines of him basically saying he didn't care anymore. I guess I was so used to him always caring that it's weird now. He really doesn't give a shit about what happens to me."

"Im sure that's not true," I tried to console her but Kristen shook her head.

"I think he meant it," she said as her eyes teared up.

"You still have feelings for him," Emily declared.

"What? No I don't!" Kristen exclaimed instantly.

"I think Emily's right," I sighed. "You wouldn't get so upset after these fights if you didn't."

"Why does everything have to be so complicated!?" she groaned burying her face in her hands.

"It's going to be okay," I said. James's optimism was rubbing off on me. With him there was never a no-win scenario. "We'll be fine as long as we have each other."

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so short but I didn't have a lot of time. AP exams are coming up and all I've been doing is studying. The next chapter is a monster though so hopefully that makes up for it.**

**That'sSusantoYou: I love that episode!**

**Yellow 14: I love your reviews. It's like a mini story in every one! **


	18. If It's Love

**Chapter Eighteen: **or **If It's Love**

**Sirius gets a wake up call**

**Sirius's Point of View**

_If it's love_

_And we decide that it's forever_

_No one else could do it better_

_If it's love_

_And we're two birds of a feather_

_Then the rest is just whenever_

_And if I'm addicted to loving you _

_And you're addicted to my love too_

_ -Train_

I'm starting to lose it. With Caroline gone Kristen spends all her time with my stupid git of a brother. I think she's spent more time in the Slytherin common room than she has in ours. The other day Peter said she might as well become an honorary Slytherin. I came ridiculously close to punching him in the face. She's not like that. She would never be—could never be a Slytherin.

I've decided I need to win her back. It's either all or nothing. I can't do this weird halfway shit where we just pretend to be friends. I need to have her back in my life. Things just haven't been the same. I miss her more than I thought would be possible. Driving her away was the worst mistake of my life.

I've realized though that if I want to win her back I need to get my act together. I can't act like a jealous jerk anymore. I need to be nice if I want my plan to work. I love her and I just have to show her that. Also I'm going to need to win back her trust too. It's not going to be easy.

I first put my plan into action the other day in the library. Kristen and my slimy git of a brother were sitting at their own table far off in the back corner. I was slightly surprised to find that they were actually working. Regulus had his nose buried in a book and Kristen was writing an essay. I watched as her quill danced across the parchment. Her fingers were splattered with ink, a by-product of the sheer speed at which she writes. Kristen always loved to write.

Anyway, they were sitting off by themselves just working, when Kristen looked up from her essay, seemingly troubled. I watched as she paused to consider something. She then turned to my brother and started to talk to him—probably asked him a question he couldn't answer. He just shrugged his shoulders and she got up and disappeared into the bookshelves in search of her answer.

I headed into the Transfiguration section. Apparently she was working on the nasty essay McGonagall set us. Of course Regulus wouldn't know anything about Transfiguration. He was a smart kid but the only subject he cared about was Defense Against the Dark Arts. He knew more about it than I did, as much I hate to admit it. Kristen was paused midway through the aisle. She was skimming her fingers along the spines of the books, reading the titles as her fingertips passed over them. I knew for a fact she wasn't going to find the book she needed. Remus had already checked it out of the library so he could work on the essay himself.

"What are you looking for?" I asked her. Kristen looked around in surprise. I don't think she expected me to be standing behind her. She seemed very taken aback.

"Oh, Sirius, hello," she finally said focusing her attention back on the bookshelf. "I'm trying to finish that essay McGonagall assigned us on Tuesday." I nodded, already having figured this.

"The one about banishing," I asked even though I already knew what she was talking about.

"Yes that one," Kristen said with a sigh. Her eyes were still focused on the bookshelf in front of us. She seemed to be hoping that the book would just jump off the shelves and come to her.

"Are you stuck on it?" I asked.

"Unfortunately," she said nodding her head. Not once did she look back at me. It was rather frustrating. I had to force myself to remember my goal.

"Do you want me to help you? I already finished mine," I offered. That got her attention. Kristen spun around to look at me. Her face was morphed into an expression of complete shock. Although we were pretending to be friends we weren't exactly nice to each other. This was very out of character for our relationship, me offering her help.

"Um, I would like it," she said slowly. "But I'm not sure that's a very good idea. I'm, er, sitting over there," Kristen told me pointing to the table at which my little brother sat, still absorbed in his book.

"So," I replied with a shrug. "I'm capable of walking a few feet to your table."

"But I'm sitting with Regulus," she added as if I hadn't already realized this.

"So?" I repeated. Kristen's eyes narrowed at me in confusion. I guess she was wondering where my sudden change of heart had come from.

"Alright then," she said with a sigh. We walked over to the table Kristen had been sitting at. She resumed her chair and I took the one next to her. Regulus looked up from his book when we sat down. The look on his face was priceless. It was a cross between confusion and horror.

"Sirius?!" he practically exclaimed.

"Regulus," I said with a curt nod. It was the first thing I'd said to the kid in months. He looked completely taken aback. He looked like he wanted to ask me what I was doing but Kristen didn't give him the opportunity.

"So this banishing thing. I just can't figure out the theory behind this principle," she said showing me her essay. I fought the urge to smirk at Regulus and looked down at the parchment. Kristen's familiar handwriting flowed across the page. I scanned what she'd already written. It was brilliant as usual. Eventually I got to the place where she'd gotten stuck.

"Well the whole theory behind this is you need to try and pretend that the object was never there in the first place," I told her.

"But that's what I don't get," Kristen said shaking her head. "Why can't I just imagine it gone? Why do I have to pretend it was never there in the first place?" I tried not to think about the double meaning of that question. I knew she was only talking about banishing objects but she could have easily been talking about our previous relationship. We were both acting like it never happened instead of trying to get over it and accept the fact that it was gone.

"Well you can do that," I told her trying to think about only Transfiguration. "But that's not what this is talking about," I pointed to something else she'd already written. "They're both options but you can't do both."

"Right but what makes one better than the other?" she asked me in confusion. She honestly didn't understand the concept. I glanced at Regulus out of the corner of my eye. He was glaring at me. I figured he would be anyway.

"It all depends on the object we're dealing with and how it got there to begin with," I informed her.

"So if we were talking about something that somebody conjured I would want to pretend it never existed," she began hesitantly. I nodded my head. "And if it was something concrete I would just imagine it gone."

"Exactly," I said enthusiastically. Comprehension washed over her face and she hastily scribbled down the explanation.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she wrote. Ink was splattering everywhere. I waved my wand and wordlessly vanished the ink from her hands and face. Kristen didn't even notice but Regulus did. He kept on glaring. I tried my best to ignore him. Her quill stopped scratching and I looked over. Kristen was surveying her now completed essay with a small look of triumph. "Thanks Sirius I think that helped a lot." She smiled genuinely.

"Yeah sure, anytime," I mumbled getting up from the table. I wanted to spend as little time as possible near my brother.

"You're going?" she asked.

"Yeah I should finish the rest of my work," I said slowly moving away from the table.

"Are you going to head back to the common room?" she wondered.

"Yeah, as soon as I grab this book I needed for Charms," I had invented a reason for being in the library just in case she asked me. We did have a Charms essay due later that week. My excuse for going to the library was to get a Charms book. Granted, I didn't really need the book to do the essay.

"Oh I'll go with you I was just about to head back," she said packing up her bag. I could barely conceal my smile. Regulus's expression just darkened. I smirked at him when Kristen wasn't looking. He glared right back at me. I grabbed a random book off the Charms shelf and checked it out with Madam Pince. Then I joined Kristen and we made our way back to the common room.

It was one of the first civil conversations we'd had all week. She chattered away about the essay she'd just written and suggested things that I could say in my Charms homework. We talked about NEWTS for a little bit and then got on the subject of the future.

"Do you still want to be an Auror?" she asked me.

"James and I are going to sign up for Auror school as soon as we find out what we get on our NEWTS," I informed her confidently. It had been our plan ever since we were lowly second years. With everything that had been happened to our friends lately we only wanted to fight Dark Wizards that much more.

"I figured," Kristen said with a small smile.

"And you? What are you going to do?" I wondered. I was honestly curious. Kristen was never really set on her future. If it was up to her I think she would much rather not think about it. However all the Professors were constantly shoving job leaflets down our throats.

"I'm not really too sure," she admitted with a heavy sigh.

"Have you ever thought about being a journalist?" I asked her.

"Me? No way," Kristen said laughing.

"Why not? You write better than half the Daily Prophet staff, you love to write, and you would actually write the truth instead of covering it up like everyone right now. You wouldn't be afraid of the Ministry. You would be a great reporter," I told her honestly. Kristen blushed. I was surprised by that. In all the years I'd known her Kristen never had problems taking compliments.

"I haven't really thought about it," she shrugged her shoulders.

"I think you should seriously consider it Kris," I urged.

"Maybe," Kristen said. She got silent and I wondered if she was considering what I'd just said. I'd really meant it. She'd be a great reporter. Rita Skeeter would pale in comparison to anything Kristen could write.

We eventually got to the common room. Kristen gave the password and the fat lady swung back to allow us entrance. James and Lily were sitting in the middle of the room. James was reading the Daily Prophet with a ridiculous accent as Lily laughed hysterically. I couldn't help but smile when I saw them. Looking over at Kristen I saw that she too was smiling. We joined them and listened to James tell the stories with his accent

The week went on just like that. Kristen and I were on better terms than we'd been in months. I knew that if I could keep this up my plan would work perfectly. By the end of the week I decided it was time I talk to her again.

"Have either of you seen Kris?" I asked James and Lily when I saw them sitting in the common room.

"She left about half an hour ago," Lily informed me looking up from her work. "Why?"

"I just wanted to talk to her about something," I muttered before turning to leave.

"Good luck mate," James called out to me as I left the common room. I hoped I wouldn't need his luck. I then began my search for Kristen. I decided to comb the school until I could find her. I checked all the usual places she inhabited: the Great Hall, the library, the kitchens, the owlry, I even checked the potions room. But she was nowhere to be found.

I made my way out to the grounds. I was headed in the direction of the back of the school by the quidditch pitch. It then occurred to me that I wasn't going to find her right now. I decided that perhaps a little flying could clear my mind. I grabbed a school broom and took a few laps around the school.

I flew in circles around the castle. Occasionally I would glance in random windows. If I slowed down enough I could see what everyone was doing. I saw Hufflepuff prefects Frank Longbottom and Alice Knightly working in the library. My younger cousin, Narcissa was in remedial potions. I laughed at that one. Emily and Remus were sneaking into the kitchens—it brought a smile to my face. McGonagall was lecturing some fifth year—and then I stopped short.

My breath caught in the back of my throat at what I saw. I was down by the dungeons where the Slytherin common room was. I just so happened to fly past my little brother's room. Inside were Regulus and Kristen laying way too close for comfort. From their bare backs I could only guess what they had been doing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had thought the plan was working. What on earth would drive her to sleep with him?! They couldn't possibly love each other. The idea of that was inconceivable.

Angrily, I touched back to the ground. I threw the broom into the cupboard and marched back up to the Gryffindor Tower. Anger rolled off me in waves as I stalked through the castle. On my way into the common room I slammed the portrait. I vaguely heard the fat lady scream as it shut suddenly. I couldn't even bring myself to feel bad about it. I had never been more upset. I wasn't even this angry when I moved out of my house. I tore into the common room. James and Lily were still in the same spot. I collapsed onto the couch next to James. He shot me a questioning look that I ignored.

"Sirius?" Lily asked hesitantly. I was tempted to ignore her but James wouldn't appreciate that.

"Yes," I replied shortly.

"Did you find her?" she asked.

"Yep," I said nodding curtly.

"And?" James prodded.

"What do you think?" I asked him with a glare. I didn't want to be harsh but I couldn't help feeling extremely angry.

"We don't even know what you wanted to talk to her about Sirius," Lily began. "But clearly it did not go according to plan."

"You think?" I remarked sarcastically.

"Sirius you can either tell us what's going on or mope somewhere else," James said authoritatively. "You're really bringing down the mood here."

"Oh sorry I wouldn't want to bring down your mood," I muttered darkly. Lily looked affronted but James just rolled his eyes at me.

"Ignore him," James said to Lily. I didn't care if they ignored me or not. They could do as they please. I just laid there, replaying the scene from earlier over and over again in my head. I couldn't shake the image of the two of them together. I don't know how long I sat in silence but the lovely solitude was soon interrupted.

"Hey guys!" Kristen said brightly acknowledging the three of us. The smile on her face was more than I could handle. I hate to admit it but I lost control.

"How dare you!? How dare you even look at me!" I exploded. Kristen spun around indignantly

"What are you yelling about Sirius?" she asked looking bewildered.

"You bloody well know what I'm yelling about!" I spat at her. I watched as her eyes began to narrow at me.

"Honestly I have no clue what you are talking about." She was making a serious attempt to keep her voice calm. We'd both enjoyed the past week of friendliness and she was careful not to yell.

"Look at you! Pretending to be all innocent. You're fucking around with my brother and you have the nerve to even talk to me!" It came out faster than I thought was possible. Kristen, to her credit, didn't say a word. She looked completely nonplussed. She was probably wondering how I knew.

"I don't know how you found out but I don't know why that should matter to you Sirius," Kristen whispered coldly.

"You are just using him to get back at me!" I accused. It wasn't the first time I had voiced that particular opinion.

"You think the whole bloody world revolves around you don't you!" Kristen's voice was getting louder. "Well I've got news for you. I like Regulus, maybe even love him. And I am TOTALLY OVER YOU!" she yelled back. Our voices were beginning to attract attention. Remus and Emily had come over to see what all the fuss was about but I ignored everyone.

"Screwing around with James and Amos and Regulus doesn't make you over me! It just makes you a fucking slut!" I yelled. Kristen's eyes widened in my direction. Then she proceeded to get even more upset than I'd seen her in a while.

"You—you don't! You don't get to call me a slut. You lost that right when you cheated on me Sirius. You don't get to call me a slut. Not anymore," I could see that her eyes were starting to well up and I tried to not let myself get bothered by it. "You don't get to criticize how I fixed what you broke Sirius."

"Making yourself an honorary Slytherin doesn't fix anything. You might as well become a Death Eater," I growled at her. That struck a nerve that I hadn't even intended to.

"I hate you!" she shrieked, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I can't believe I thought about giving you a second chance. You're still the same—you'll never change. Ugh!" she turned around and ran up to the girls' dormitory. Lily and Emily pushed past me with glares of their own and followed their friend up the stairs. James turned to look at me.

"Don't talk to me!" I yelled at him and Remus.

I turned around and left the common room slamming the portrait on my way out. I was incredibly angry and pissed off. As usual my slimy git of a little brother got in the way of any chance I had at happiness.

"Sirius what the hell was that?!" asked James bewildered. I turned to see that he had followed me even though I'd said not to. I thought I made it very clear that I didn't want to talk.

"Nothing," I muttered trying to regain some composure.

"Just a couple of minutes ago you were ready to confess how much you needed her around," James reminded me.

"Yeah! Well I changed my mind," I replied childishly.

"Sirius, you're my best mate but Kristen is my friend too. I can't let you treat her like crap. Why don't you apologize?" James offered. It wasn't his fault that he didn't get what was happening but I got angry with him anyway.

"Prongs, you don't understand! This is way bigger than me and Kristen!" I yelled at him. I winced as my voice came out oddly strained.

"And let me guess. One of the factors is your brother," James said looking me knowingly. I tried to block out his concerned look.

"No!" I yelled unconvincingly. "Ok yes," I relented. My emotions were going haywire. I didn't know whether I should breakdown or yell menacingly. I was torn between anger and grief. My brain just settled on complete silence.

"Sirius, just tell me what the hell this is all about!" James urged.

"It's a complex brother thing. Regulus—he doesn't know his place," I muttered more to myself than to James.

"And where is his place?" asked James.

"Back at home. Being a little mamma's boy!" I exclaimed. "Not screwing around with my girl—I mean friend."

"Sirius," James said consolingly, "she can make her own decisions."

"I told you that you wouldn't understand!" I began yelling again, "I told you!"

"Calm down Padfoot. I'm just trying to help!" James exclaimed. "I'm trying to see where you are coming from. This is obviously a family issue and not so much about Kristen as you make it out to be."

"How would you feel if you made a stupid mistake that temporarily messed up your relationship with Lily? But you both knew it could be fixed! But then Snape decides he is going to screw around with Lily! How would you feel!?" I tried to put my situation in terms that James would understand.

"I would be such a mess," James admitted. "I would want to kill Snape."

"Exactly!" I exclaimed triumphantly.

"But!" James interrupted me loudly; "I would never take it out on Lily." That silenced me. Immediately I began to feel extremely guilty. I couldn't even look James in the eye.

"I'm tired," was all I was able to say. "Let's go back."

"Sirius," James began to say but I cut him off.

"I'm tired," I muttered while staring at the floor. I turned my back on him and went back inside. Remus was sitting with Emily in the common room. They were talking in hushed voices and they were silent upon seeing me. I could only guess that they'd been discussing my atrocious behavior.

"Padfoot you alright?" Remus asked. I gave him credit for at least pretending to be supportive of me.

"Fine," I mumbled before walking up to the boys' dormitory. I couldn't stand to see Emily looking at me with such a disproving expression. It was all getting to be a little too much to handle. This whole situation had gotten blown way out of proportion. I never should have reacted the way I did. Now I had to suffer the consequences for my behavior.

I wished there was a way I could take it all back. I hated making Kristen upset. When we were still dating she would come to me whenever something upset her. I remember feeling so angry—I always wanted to curse whoever or whatever had made her cry. I couldn't take the looks from my friends so I went up to the dormitory to get some peace of mind.

I tried to go to bed but I couldn't—I was restless. After changing all I managed to do was sit in my bed. Even when I pulled the hangings shut and closed my eyes I couldn't fall asleep. My body was tired but my mind was wide-awake. I couldn't stop thinking about the broken look on Kristen's face. I knew I had to find a way to make it up to her and apologize. I dedicated all my time and energy into dreaming up a way to make my apology. It was going to take a grand gesture.

I heard the faint footsteps of my friends coming up to the dorm. They were talking in hushed voices—most likely discussing my previous behavior. I tried to block out the sounds.

"Padfoot?" Remus asked hesitantly. He was probably checking to see if I was still awake. I decided to pretend to be asleep so I didn't respond.

"He must have gone to bed," Peter said with a sigh.

"There's no way he's asleep," James countered. I could just imagine him shaking his head in disappointment.

"Padfoot?" Remus repeated with more irritation in his voice.

"What?" I asked giving in to their pestering.

"Are you alright?" Remus wanted to know. I had to admit I was surprised by his question. I had expected him to lecture me and scorn me for how I'd acted.

"No," I muttered still hiding behind the bed hangings.

"Come on," James sighed pulling back the hangings. "I know you're pretty bummed but you can still fix this."

"How?" I asked eagerly.

"By apologizing for being an arse," James said shrugging his shoulders as if it should be obvious.

"Something tells me that won't be enough," I muttered dejectedly.

"You're probably right," Remus added thoughtfully. "I'm thinking you're gonna need a grand gesture. Kristen's awfully fond of those." Peter nodded his head.

"I feel like such a git," I admitted.

"That's because you are a git," James added throwing me a dark look. I'd forgotten how he and Kristen were such good friends. Of course he would be angry with me for treating her like that.

The next morning at breakfast I tried to find Kristen right away. I scanned the Great Hall for her dark head of hair but she wasn't at any of the tables. I sat down at the Gryffindor table with our friends and kept my eyes focused on the door. I watched everyone who walked in just to make sure I wouldn't miss her.

Kristen eventually walked through the door. I immediately jumped out to go talk to her. I began to make my way towards her. I was almost within talking distance when she looked up and saw me. She glared at me, spun around, and started walking in the opposite direction.

"Kristen!" I called out to her retreating back. I expected her to ignore me. She didn't. She flipped me off instead. Then she continued on her way over to the Slytherin table and sat down beside my brother. I was tempted to follow her and try to apologize but my brother's presence was enough to deter me for now. Feeling rather defeated I made my way back over to the Gryffindor table.

"Did you talk to her?" Peter asked. James rolled his eyes and Remus just shook his head.

"Peter do you have eyes?" Emily asked barely able to conceal her contempt. "I'm pretty sure that type of hand gesture doesn't constitute as talking."

"She'll get over it eventually," Remus tried to make me feel better.

"Yeah right," Lily muttered under her breath. She was still pretty angry with me for the way I'd talked to Kristen. Personally, I didn't blame her.

"You need to fix this," James said to me while the others went back to their meals. He looked dead serious.

"I know," I said nodding. The whole thing was causing a strain on the friendship of all the seventh year Gryffindors. I had to put an end to it.

I finally managed to get Kristen alone before Herbology later that morning. She tried to ignore me but I kept on following her and talking to her. She had to give in eventually.

"Sirius what do you want?" she asked me angrily.

"I want to apologize to you," I told her. I was genuinely sorry for insulting her last night.

"Apology not accepted," Kristen said pushing past me.

"Kristen come on! I'm so so so so sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset." I exclaimed running to catch up to her.

"Sirius, you called me a slut!" she hissed at me under her breath. "You screamed at me in front of all of our friends. You told me I should practically be a death eater. You cheated on me. Why the hell should I forgive you?!" I stopped for a moment and let everything she said sink in.

If our situations had been reversed I would be pretty pissed off. I don't know how ready I would be to forgive someone that had done all that to me. It would be forever until I could forgive them. Why should she forgive me? I couldn't think of a good reason.

"You shouldn't," I admitted with a sigh. Kristen seemed surprised when I said that. I think she expected me to put up more of a fight. "But I wish you would." I added as an afterthought. "I hate not talking to you. I hate fighting with you. And most of all I hate not being with you. I only get so worked up and so angry because my feelings are so far invested in you. I can't stop caring."

"I find that hard to believe. You've been so cruel," Kristen countered. She wasn't yelling though, so that was a good sign.

"Only because I'm upset. Remember when I accused you of dating Regulus to hurt me? I only said that because it did hurt me. It's tearing me up inside. Sometimes I feel like my heart literally hurts." I was surprised to hear this confession come from myself. I'd never told anyone that before. Kristen's expression softened upon hearing my confession.

"I was trying to hurt you," she admitted. As much as I'd thought that it still felt weird to hear her admit it out loud. "But after a while I just—I couldn't help having feelings for him."

"Don't say that," I interrupted shaking my head. I couldn't bear to hear her say that she could possibly have feelings for my brother. That was just too much.

"We've both hurt each other so much. I don't even think it's worth it anymore. Our relationship just consists of us causing each other pain," Kristen said shaking her head.

"I don't want to cause you pain," I insisted.

"But you do," she exclaimed. "Every single day!"

"It's unintentional I swear," I sighed.

"You have got to stop being so mean," Kristen told me with a firm expression.

"Okay I'll try," I promised.

"Trying isn't good enough," she said shaking her head.

"I can't help it Kris. He's my brother! How do you expect me to act?!" I exclaimed angrily. She knew exactly how much dating my brother would hurt me. She'd even admitted it.

"You're going to have to accept it!" Kristen insisted.

"I can't accept it," I said shaking my head.

"Why not?" she wanted to know.

"Because then I'd have to accept that you've moved on and that we're over," I explained. Kristen still didn't look satisfied.

"And why can't you do that?" she asked raising her eyebrows at me.

"Because I still love you!" I yelled angrily. That shut her right up.

"What?" Kristen asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"You heard me," I replied evenly. "I just can't give up on you."

"Why not?" she seemed to be getting angry. "What's so special about me that you can't just move on and find someone else to yell at?" I shook my head.

"A lot has changed since last year," I muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kristen wanted to know.

"Last year you would have been the one telling me how special you were…or do you not remember how we got together in the first place?" I reminded her with a small smile. We'd both changed so much since our sixth year.

"A lot has changed," she agreed. Unfortunately, that discussion resolved nothing. Professor Sprout finally let the class in and our conversation was cut short.

Then, after lunch I received the surprise of all surprises. Kristen was back sitting at the Gryffindor table again. Regulus was sending death glares in our direction.

"What's up with him?" James asked noticing my brother's glower.

"I broke up with him," Kristen said nonchalantly. Every single one of our heads swiveled towards her in surprise.

"You broke up with him?!" I exclaimed completely in shock. Kristen just nodded her head as if it were nothing.

"When?" Lily asked eagerly.

"Just before lunch," Kristen revealed.

"Why?" asked Emily.

"I'd really rather not say," Kristen said with a frown. It then occurred to me that she was actually somewhat upset about their break up. Her nonchalance was a mask to hide how upset she actually was. As much as I couldn't stand the fact that she was with my brother I felt bad that she was clearly saddened.

Kristen eventually told me what had caused her to break up with Regulus. James, Lily, Kristen, Peter, and I were on our way to dinner when Lily realized she'd left her cloak upstairs. She and James turned back to get it and Peter had to use the bathroom. That left the two of us alone for the first time since our previous discussion. I didn't really know what to say to her.

"So are you dying to know?" Kristen asked me knowingly.

"Only a little bit," I admitted.

"I told him about our fight," Kristen began the story.

"Naturally," I muttered. She threw me a look. "Okay no more interruptions."

"So, I told him about our fight. I always tell him when we fight. And he got a little mad. He said all I ever talked about was you, which, by the way is so not true. It was just a rough week and you were being an ass. So anyway, he got mad because he thought that maybe I still had feelings for you and that was why I was always talking about you. I think his exact words were 'Everything is always about Sirius!' Which, like I said, is so not true," Kristen said all of this very quickly. I tried to keep up with her fast pace of storytelling. "So I told him it wasn't true but he was convinced and then he made me pick."

"What do you mean he made you pick?" I asked in confusion.

"Maybe if you didn't interrupt me you would know," she laughed.

"Right sorry, no interruptions," I apologized.

"He said I had to pick between the two of you. He thought that I still had feelings for you and didn't want us to be friends anymore. He gave me the choice of him or you. And well—as stupid as it was and as much as I shouldn't have, I chose you." Kristen confessed looking at her feet. I was completely taken aback by what she said. A happy little bubble began forming inside my chest.

"You chose me?" I asked in a surprised voice.

"You better not make me regret it," she warned.

"Never!" I insisted eagerly. I couldn't help but letting a huge grin slip onto my face. She chose me! She chose me! Everything was right in the world. Kristen laughed at the expression on my face. "I'm going to hug you now." I warned her. Kristen laughed as I enveloped her in a bear hug. I couldn't help it—I thought I was going to explode of happiness.

"Alright you can let go now!" she exclaimed after a bit. I laughed happily and walked back to dinner with a huge smile on my face. All of our friends were completely bewildered by our happy dispositions but they didn't question it.

Unfortunately my bubble of happiness didn't last very long. It didn't even make it through dinner.

"So does this mean you've forgiven me?" I asked Kristen while the others were immersed in their own conversation.

"No," Kristen said shaking her head. I looked for the telltale signs of a joke on her face but she looked completely serious.

"What do you mean no?!" I asked in shock. "I thought you chose me!"

"It doesn't change the fact that you've been a complete ass to me Sirius," Kristen insisted.

"But you chose me!" I repeated.

"And that doesn't mean I'm ready to get back together with you. I still don't know if I can trust you," Kristen reasoned.

"Why the hell not?!" I demanded to know. Our voices were starting to carry and most of the conversations at our table had stopped so that everyone could eavesdrop on us.

"Because I have no reason to!" Kristen insisted.

"I can't believe you!" I exclaimed jumping to my feet and stalking off. I let my anger carry me all the way back to Gryffindor tower. I was eventually joined by all of my friends except for Kristen and Peter.

"What the hell was that about?!" James demanded to know.

"She still doesn't trust me!" I exclaimed angrily.

"Of course she doesn't," Lily replied with an irritated look.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her.

"Sirius do you even have to ask?" Remus said shaking his head. It was true. I'd been pretty terrible towards her in the past few months. I sighed to myself. Clearly this wasn't over. I still had a lot of apologizing to do. And I had to earn her trust back.

"James?" Peter asked hesitantly when he came into the common room.

"Yes?" my friend replied patiently.

"Regulus and Kristen broke up right?" Peter wondered. Was he stupid? Did he not just witness dinner?

"Yeah, why?" James answered, clearly confused by Peter's stupid questions.

"I saw them just now, together. James, I think he's going to kill her!" Peter exclaimed hysterically.

"Don't be stupid Wormtail," James said laughing. I rolled my eyes at the pair of them. Peter could be so daft sometimes.

"But Prongs! She called out to me, for help I think they were walking towards the Forbidden Forest, and he just laughed at her. James something's not right," Peter whispered frantically. That caught my attention immediately. Why Peter hadn't started off by telling us that was beyond me.

"Why didn't you say something before!?" I asked him angrily. Peter just shrugged his shoulders as if he could care less.

"C'mon!" yelled James seizing my arm and pulling me out of the common room. The two of us sprinted towards the Hogwarts grounds. We reached the outdoors just in time to see two figures disappear into the forest. I pulled out my wand and James followed suit. Together we began to enter the Forbidden Forest. We listened intently to the discussion taking place. I wanted to just barge in but James insisted on waiting for the opportune moment.

"You made three big mistakes Shep," Regulus smirked as he spoke to Kristen. He had a firm grip on her arm. I wanted to punch him in the face. "One, letting me disarm you."

"I didn't let you," Kristen interrupted angrily.

"Two," Regulus continued his list, ignoring her, "you trusted me after picking my stupid brother over me. That was very stupid." Apparently Kristen didn't feel like hearing the rest of the list. She punched Regulus in the face before he had the chance to go on. Upon hearing the crack of cartilage as Regulus's nose suffered some serious injury James and I jumped out of our hiding place. "Three! Doing that!" yelled Regulus clutching what looked like a broken nose.

"Accio Kristen's wand!" yelled James. Her wand zoomed out of Regulus's robe pocket and James tossed it to her. Kristen grabbed her wand and faced the now advancing death eaters. I had no idea where the five others had come from but all of a sudden they were advancing on us.

"Going to fight us?" asked my cousin Bellatrix. I had no idea how she'd gotten into the forest. She'd already graduated. It didn't make any sense.

"You boys could just come quietly," Lucious Malfoy suggested grinning maniacally.

"You go and I'll take the girl back to the castle unharmed," Regulus added.

"Go where?" asked James casting a meaningful look at Kristen. Immediately she knew what we wanted to happen. She knew that we would go wherever they wanted so she could go back to the castle to get help. I watched her figure it out in her head and she didn't seem to like it.

"Deep in the heart of the woods our master eagerly awaits our arrival," Rodolphus Lestrange, Bella's boyfriend, grunted boredly. Suddenly it all made sense. The whole thing with Kristen was a trap. The Death Eaters didn't want her…they knew she was a lost cause. They wanted us.

"Fine, take us to the woods," I agreed, "But Regulus won't go back to the castle with Kristen. I don't trust him." Kristen frowned at hearing that.

"You don't trust him? Or maybe you don't trust me! Fine, go into your stupid woods and act like bloody heroes while I have to explain to everyone where Hogwarts most wanted have disappeared off to. Go run along and play hero. I'm not being a part of this!" yelled Kristen angrily. Lucious raised an eyebrow at her outburst. I didn't quite know what to make of the situation.

"Master does not like to wait," Bellatrix said anxiously.

"Is that what you think?" I asked Kristen, ignoring my cousin. "We are only out here because we came to save you!" Oddly enough that only proved to make Kristen even angrier.

"I don't need saving!" I can make own choices," she insisted.

"Obviously not," interrupted Regulus. Kristen turned on him.

"You! You lying, deceitful, disgusting, little prat! You are the reason for this mess. And I'm going to clean this up once and for all!" looking quite livid, Kristen made a move that was however, cut off by Lucious aiming a stunner at her. That's when all hell broke loose. Several things happened at once. Peter, who had fetched Remus and Lily, came running toward the group. Furious at Lucious for trying to attack Kristen, I had lunged myself at the blonde. James was firing hexes left and right. While Kristen continued yelling at Regulus who looked frightened. Last but certainly not least several centaurs charged the group.

The students all scattered and the Slytherins and Death Eaters gave up. They ran away cursing into the darkness. Us Gryffindors took off back towards the castle. I watched as the cowards retreated. Lily, James, Remus, Emily, and Peter were already back at the castle. I looked over at Kristen. She too was watching the Death Eaters disappear into the darkness. She suddenly turned around and took off towards the castle.

"Wait up!" I called out, running to catch up with her.

"I'm sorry okay!?" she yelled sounding rather frustrated. "I know what you're going to say. 'Kris, this is all your fault. If you'd listened to me you wouldn't be in this mess.' Fine Okay. I'm sorry! You were right. I was wrong. Whatever." I watched as Kristen ranted on and on and let out all her steam. I couldn't believe that she was actually apologizing to me. She did have a point, I was right, but that didn't mean I was happy about it.

"No, I wasn't going to say that," I began, smiling in spite of myself. "I was going to apologize for being such a jerk before. Of course you have every right not to trust me right now. I just couldn't believe that you trusted my brother more thank you trusted me. And when Peter told us about Regulus hauling you off somewhere all I could think about was how the last time we spoke I was such a jerk." I stopped my mini speech and took a deep breath. I had to come out and say everything—put it all on the line. "It could have been the last time we talked. And that would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I was so scared I was never going to see you again. Kristen, I love you."

"How could you possibly still love me after all the shit I've put you through?!" exclaimed Kristen. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I dunno, you're pretty lovable. I can't help it. You're it for me Kris. I know I've been the biggest jerk ever. And I'm going to work really hard to make it up to you okay?"

"You don't have to," Kristen said shaking her head.

"But I do!" I insisted.

"I've realized that I think I might still love you," Kristen admitted.

"You're lying!" I exclaimed in shock.

"Er, no, definitely not lying," Kristen said shaking her head. A small smile was on her face.

"But I thought you didn't trust me anymore," I pointed out.

"I did I was just scared of the fact that I still had feelings for you," Kristen confessed. Suddenly the world seemed a lot brighter.

"You love me!" I laughed happily.

"Against my better judgment, yes I love you. And I think we can give this another shot," Kristen declared.

"I'm going to kiss you now," I told her smirking. She smirked right back at me, until I kissed the grin off her face.

**Author's Note: Longest chapter I've ever written!! Hahaha fourteen pages on Microsoft word. Only two more chapters to go!**

**madisonncsu: sorry about the errors. I proofread the chapters myself so it's harder for me to catch the errors. I'll try to catch more of them.**

**Yellow14: Thanks for your review! It was lovely as always. It feels like a mini story!**


	19. Heard the World

**Chapter 18: **or **Heard The World**

**A Hogsmeade visit gone bad…**

**James's Point of View**

_I just heard the world is breaking down into bits again,_

_Tell me what am I to do?_

_And you just want me to stay here._

_So I'm just gonna stay here._

_ OAR_

Time rolled by and before we knew it our last trip to Hogsmeade was looming on the horizon. Of course we will probably visit the village again once we graduate but nonetheless it would be the last time we visited with our school. I gathered with the rest of the Gryffindor seventh years in the Great Hall before we left.

"I can't believe this is our last trip together," Lily said to Kristen and Emily with a sigh.

"It seems like only yesterday I was begging my mum to sign the permission slip," Emily laughed.

"It's not like we're never going to see Hogsmeade again," Peter said rolling his eyes at the girls. Emily frowned at him and Kristen just shook her head.

"We're going to have a girl's afternoon for a bit," Kristen said to Sirius. "We'll meet up with you guys at the Three Broomsticks around one?"

"Sounds good," Sirius said with a shrug. I glared at him. Sirius knew about the plan how could he say that sounded good. "But um, since it's the last trip we'll get some alone time right?" he added hastily after he caught my eye.

"Yeah sure," she laughed turning to pull Lily and Emily away with her.

"Us too right Lils?" I called after them.

"Sure," she smiled before running off with her friends. I turned to Sirius, Remus, and Peter who were all trying not to laugh at me.

"What?" I asked them.

"You are such a girl, mate," Peter snorted. I glared at him.

"I have a plan. And it's important that everything goes to plan. And for this plan to work I need to get some alone time with my girlfriend," I defended myself. On our final trip to Hogsmeade I was going to ask Lily to marry me.

Now I know this sounds crazy. We're only seventeen and not even out of school yet. But there's a war going on and people are dying every day. We don't exactly have all the time in the world. I love Lily and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I've already found the perfect house. I got it for a real steal. A little cottage in Godric's Hollow was destroyed by a fire. I bought it from the local landlord, who sold it cheap. The only catch is I have to fix it back up. But that wasn't going to be a problem. Peter, Sirius, and Remus could laugh all they want. They were just jealous that they aren't as romantic as I am.

"Yeah, well I've got news for you mate," Sirius said, "things don't always go according to plan." I frowned at him. There was no room for pessimism in this situation.

"Maybe not for you," I said defiantly. Sirius laughed at me and Remus shook his head.

"Just don't get your hopes up," Remus warned.

"Why are you guys being so depressing?" I asked them as we walked into the village for what could be the last time.

"Just being realistic," Sirius sighed. I didn't exactly blame him for being so pessimistic about the whole thing. His relationship with Kristen didn't exactly go according to plan.

"Well while you're moping around and being 'realistic' I'm going to hope for the best," I told him with a smirk. We walked through the wizarding village and everything seemed to be normal. There were students milling around in every shop. The streets were filled with laughter and talking and I just soaked everything in. It was weird to think that this was the last time I would see the village like this. Even if I did come back in the future it wouldn't be the same.

"Who wants to go in to Zonko's just for old time's sake?" Sirius asked the three of us. I grinned at him.

"Sounds good to me," Remus smiled. Peter just nodded. We headed over to the shop that had given us the inspiration for so many of our pranks.

"I think it's safe to say we would have been extremely bored if we'd never discovered this place," Sirius mused thoughtfully. I nodded my head in agreement.

"I think I would have survived," Remus snorted. He was never the most eager participant in our practical jokes.

"You would have never left the library if you hadn't become friends with us Moony," Sirius said rolling his eyes.

"And my life would have been all the more peaceful for it," Remus laughed.

"But nowhere near as exciting," Sirius prodded. Remus nodded. "C'mon Moony just admit it. You secretly loved every little prank we pulled."

"That's a bit of an exaggeration," Remus shook his head but smiled all the same. Sirius was about to open his mouth and protest but Remus silenced him. "But I am very glad that we became friends Padfoot. Satisfied?"

"Very," Sirius smirked. After looking around the store we headed out down the path and subconsciously made our way down to the shrieking shack. We eventually reached the building that had been the starting point of so many of our adventures.

"You think people will realize it's not haunted after you're not in there for some time?" I wondered, directing the question at Remus.

"Nah," he said shaking his head. "I think people will still be frightened of it. Our imaginations are rather vivid. I'm sure anyone who comes here will simply imagine that they're hearing ghosts or whatever. I think it will stay haunted for a very long time."

"I can just imagine kids ten years into the future telling each other that this place is haunted," Sirius said with a bark-like laugh.

"They're probably going to dream up some fantastic story for the 'ghosts' living there that's far more entertaining than the truth," Remus added. Peter glanced down at his watch and turned to us.

"I gotta run," he said looking anxious.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked him.

"We're supposed to meet the girls in half an hour," Sirius reminded him. Peter didn't seem to care.

"Just tell them I'm sorry and I'll see you guys later or something," he insisted. And without another word he was off down the path back towards the village.

"I wonder where he's going," I said to the others.

"Probably to meet some girl or something," Sirius said waving a hand dismissively. Apparently Peter's peculiar behavior didn't seem to bother him.

"He looked anxious," Remus observed.

"He's always anxious. He's Peter," Sirius laughed. That was true. Peter did always have a rather nervous air about him.

"Should we start walking back?" Remus suggested. Sirius and I agreed and we walked back down to the main part of the village. Eventually, we made it to the Three Broomsticks a little before one. Remus and I got a table as Sirius went to get some drinks. As I was sliding into the booth across from Remus I spotted Emily, Kristen, and Lily walking in. I waved them over to where we were sitting.

"Where's Peter?" Lily asked sitting down next to me.

"He went off to meet someone," I told her as Emily and Kristen slid in opposite us.

"Good for him," Emily said genuinely. At that point Sirius returned levitating several glasses of butterbeer. Everyone reached for one. Just as Lily was pulling out some money to pay he shook her off.

"This one's on me," he said nonchalantly. His Uncle had left him a good sum of money in a private vault at Gringotts. No one argued.

"This is so weird," Emily commented. Lily nodded but the rest of us weren't so sure what she was talking about.

"What's weird?" Sirius asked bluntly.

"It's weird how much our house has dwindled. There's only six of us sitting here and it's the last time we're ever going to be on one of these trips," she explained. Peter was momentarily missing. Caroline had been taken home and Julie had died. It was rather weird how our number had reduced to six. I looked around the pub at the rest of our classmates spread out through the building. Some Hufflepuffs were in the corner enjoying a drink. Several younger students were crowded around a circular table laughing and shouting.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Sirius said to Kristen and the two of them left. I exchanged a brief glance at Remus who nodded.

"I promised my mum I'd send her an owl. Do you want to come with me?" Remus asked Emily. She nodded and the pair of them left as well. It was down to just Lily and me. I knew it was a perfectly good opportunity to carry out my plan but for some reason the Three Broomsticks didn't seem like the right place to do it. It wasn't very romantic.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" I asked Lily.

"Yeah, it's getting a little noisy," she agreed. Placing our empty glasses back on the table we left the pub and headed into the streets. We walked down the streets without a clear destination. I racked my brain for a place that would seem appropriate to propose to a girl in. We passed Madame Puddifoot's and I shuddered at the very thought of going in there. The only place that seemed truly peaceful in the entire village was the Shrieking Shack. The only problem with that was Lily was still under the impression that it was haunted. All the girls knew about Remus being a werewolf but they didn't know the exact details. I decided it was the best place anyway. The path to the building was surrounded by trees in full spring bloom and the area looked very nice.

"James, doesn't this path lead to the Shrieking Shack?" Lily asked hesitantly. I could feel the tension in her body when she finally voiced her curiosity.

"Yepp," I replied cheerfully.

"Isn't it haunted?" she pointed out.

"Nope," I replied in the same tone. Lily just stared at me as if she didn't quite believe me.

"How would you know whether it's haunted or not?" Lily asked me with a hint of her temper in her voice.

"Because I've been inside," I told her point blank. Lily laughed.

"Of course you have," she sighed.

"I'm being completely serious," I assured her.

"I know you are," she said shaking her head. "Only you would go inside a building rumored to be haunted James." I decided not to contradict her by pointing out that I knew it wasn't haunted before I went in. We had gotten to the fence surrounding the property. Both Lily and I turned to face each other as we leaned against the rickety fence.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you," I said turning to face her.

"What is it?" Lily asked slightly surprised by the change in the conversation.

"I love you," I told her and she smiled shyly.

"You've said that before," she pointed out.

"Doesn't change the fact that I do," I told her grinning. "I bought a house."

"Really?" Lily asked looking surprised.

"In Godric's Hollow. It's not in the best condition right now...that's why I got it so cheap. But I'm going to fix it up and it's going to be great," I informed Lily.

"You'll do a great job with it I'm sure," she said encouragingly.

"Once it's done I want you to move in with me," I told her.

"Okay," she said without hesitation. I was slightly taken aback by her quick response and she laughed at the look of shock on my face.

"You don't have to look so surprised," Lily laughed, "In case you've forgotten I love you too." I laughed with her feeling about ten times happier than I had all week. I knew that this was the right moment to ask her.

"Also, I was sort of wondering if you wanted to marry me," I said before I lost all my courage.

"Of course I do," Lily said nonchalantly. "Who else would I want to marry? Professor Dumbledore?" She laughed and shook her head at me. I don't think she understood what I was trying to ask her. I was really terrible at this whole proposing thing. I reached into the pocket of my school robes and pulled out the small velvet box.

"What I mean to say is," I began slowly bending down on one knee, "will you marry me?" Lily's eyes widened as she looked down at me.

"Oh!" she exclaimed in surprise as her cheeks began to flush. "Well yes of course I will." She laughed as I grinned and leapt back up to my feet. I felt her arms around me and I laughed into her hair. "I didn't know that was supposed to be you proposing," she admitted with a giggle.

"Obviously...I'm not very good at it I suppose," I said with a shrug as she laughed.

"Where did you get the money for a ring?" she asked as I slipped the ring onto her finger. She held her hand up closer to her face so as to admire the ring.

"I didn't," I told her. "It was my grandmother's. She left it to me when she died. I don't know what she thought I would do with a ring...marry someone I suppose." Lily laughed at me and shook her head.

"You're ridiculous," she smiled.

"Yes but you love it," I said taking her hand and mine as we began to walk back to the main part of the village. The beginning of our walk back was pleasant but by the time we got to the main street I could tell that something wasn't right. Everyone seemed to be running in ten different directions. There was a lot of shouting and even some screaming.

"What's going on?" Lily wondered in awe. We both observed the scene until I noticed, far off down the road were several figures in black moving swiftly through the streets. They were clearly the source of the distress amongst the shoppers.

"We have to make sure all the students are safe," I told Lily grabbing her hand and taking off at a run towards the shops.

"There's no way we're going to make it back to the castle in time," Lily exclaimed.

"So we'll have to barricade everyone inside the shops," I shouted back. We ran straight into Remus and Emily who had a similar idea. Remus was standing in the doorway of Zonkos and Emily ushered any students she saw into the shop. I had no idea where Sirius, Peter, or Kristen were but I had to trust that they could take care of themselves.

"Students get inside a shop!" Lily yelled at a huddle of terrified third years. When they just stared at her she grabbed them and started dragging them into the closest shop. I helped her herd students in.

"Where's Padfoot?" Remus yelled to me.

"I have no idea," I replied. "Have you seen Wormtail?" Remus shook his head. We kept searching the streets for any student that we may have missed. When it looked like pretty much everyone was safe we went into the stores and placed several locking charms on the doors so the people draped in dark cloth couldn't get in. I literally held my breath as the dark figures approached. When they were several yards out I noticed that not every student had made it inside. There was a little first year girl darting across the street trying to get out of the way of the men who could only be Death Eaters. Emily must have spotted the girl first because she ran out of the shop she was currently in and grabbed the girl by her robes. Emily tugged the first year along and Remus hastily undid all the charms they had cast on Zonkos so that they could get back inside.

However, they didn't act fast enough. The first year had just barely made it inside the spell protected store and Emily was just about to follow in after when a Death Eater casually flicked his wand at her. There was a blinding flash of green light and Emily collapsed on the ground.

"NO!" Lily screamed as she saw her friend fall. Remus seemed to be in shock. I watched as he tried to get out of the store and get Emily but Amos Diggory pulled him back inside. If any of them left the confines of the shop it would mean putting everyone else inside in danger. I watched as Diggory held back a struggling Remus. The shopkeeper made sure the door stayed sealed shut as the Death Eaters continued their march down the streets. I looked over at Lily who still appeared to be in shock. She was staring at Emily's body, collapsed on the ground.

Once the Death Eaters had made a full sweep of the streets they disapparated. Anyone who had been left stuck in the streets was laying on the ground...dead. Inside the store it was absolutely silent. No one moved or said a word. I wasn't even sure everyone was breathing. Then I felt someone pushing past me. I recognized the person as the shopkeeper. He pushed his way to the door.

"I'm going to go check and make sure it's safe," he told the mixture of students and shoppers taking refuge in his store. He slowly opened the door and stepped outside. When nothing happened to him everyone seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Other shopkeepers were now stepping outside to check for safety as well. He came back inside and turned to myself and Lily.

"You two, make sure all these students get back to the castle safely," he said to us. Lily and I nodded. Lily left the store first and all the students followed her. I brought up the rear to make sure no stragglers got left behind. We made our way back to the castle in what felt like a funeral procession. In a way it was.

We were following Remus and the students who had taken refuge in Zonkos. Professor Sprout had found them and Emily's body. Professor Sprout conjured a stretcher to carry Emily back to the castle. I still had no idea where Sirius, Peter, or Kristen where and it made me extremely nervous. After seeing Emily get murdered I had a sick hollow feeling in my stomach.

Back at the castle everyone was congregating in the Great Hall. I went over to the Gryffindor table and sat down with Lily and Remus. Remus looked too much in shock to do or say anything. He just sat there and stared emptily into space. Peter was already seated at the table when we got back. Sirius and Kristen were still missing. I watched as more and more students kept pouring into the castle, gradually filling up the Great Hall.

Eventually a rather distraught looking Sirius was escorted into the Great Hall by an equally distraught Professor McGonagall. The sight of them made my heart drop. And there was the fact that Kristen was still missing. Slowly I began to piece together what might have happened. Could the Death Eaters have killed her too? Her father was one but she'd sold him out so it would make sense that the Death Eaters would want revenge. Next to me Lily seemed to be drawing the same conclusion.

"No!" she whispered when she saw Sirius without his girlfriend. Sirius slowly made his way over to our table. He sat down and as soon as McGonagall turned away he exploded.

"They took her!" he yelled at me, Lily, Remus, and Peter.

"What?" Lily exclaimed in shock.

"The Death Eaters took her. We were there when they first appeared. I saw them and we started running to the nearest shop. I thought she was right behind me but when I turned around one of them had grabbed her and was disapparating. I was about to grab on to them and go with them but Peter pulled me into the shop!" Sirius explained sounding enraged.

"I had to Padfoot! They would have killed you," Peter insisted.

"It would have been two against one. I could have helped her get away!" Sirius yelled.

"You have no idea where they were taking her. It could have been a trap," Peter shouted back. Sirius looked at all of us. His glance demanded that we take his side in the matter. Then he seemed to notice that someone was missing.

"Where's Emily?" he asked. The change in his tone was evident.

"They killed her." It was the first thing Remus had said since the incident had occurred.

"What!" Sirius and Peter exclaimed.

"She was saving some first year and they got her," Lily said as her eyes began to brim with tears.

"Those bastards," Sirius swore angrily. No one bothered to scold him for his use of language. We all agreed. "McGonagall wouldn't let me go after them." Sirius told us. Apparently after the Death Eaters had gone he'd tried to dispparate but McGonagall caught him before he could.

"Well it's no use looking for her," Peter pointed out.

"And what do you mean by that?" Sirius asked rounding on him.

"We have to leave it up the Aurors. They have a much better chance of finding her than any of us. If we went to find her we would just wind up getting ourselves killed." As much as Sirius didn't want to hear it Peter was absolutely right. There wasn't anything we could do and I hated it. We looked over at the other tables to see if anyone else was missing. The Slytherins all looked completely unaffected by the whole thing. The Ravenclaws were whispering amongst themselves in a way that couldn't mean anything good and there were some tears at the Hufflepuff table.

"Hey that's my cousin!" Sirius exclaimed getting up. I followed him over to the Hufflepuff table. I felt Lily and Remus get up after me. Sirius was headed towards the first year that Emily had saved. She was in tears and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Tonks?" Sirius asked her gently. "Tonks what's wrong?"

"It's all my fault Sirius!" the girl wailed miserably.

"What's all your fault?" Sirius wanted to know.

"That she died," Tonks sobbed. Remus pushed past me to get to Tonks.

"It's not your fault," he said to her gently. "You didn't kill her. The Death Eaters did."

"But if I was inside like everyone else she wouldn't have had to come after me. But I fell down when everyone was running to get inside and then I had nowhere to go so I was hiding. But then they were coming toward me and I had to move and she saved me but she died!" Tonks cried into a tissue.

"Emily died because the Death Eaters are evil. She didn't die because of you. She would never want to hear you say that," Remus said firmly.

"Do you think so?" Tonks asked, her eyes still brimming with tears.

"I know so. Emily would not want you to blame yourself," Remus told her wisely. I looked over at Lily who was smiling but her eyes were still filled with tears. I was in awe of Remus's handling of the situation. We sensed we weren't needed there and Lily and I went back to the Gryffindor table. Sirius and Remus stayed to talk to Tonks for a little bit but rejoined us after a couple of minutes.

"Now she's absolutely set on revenge," Sirius said shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked him.

"She's decided that she's going to be an Auror so she can get rid of the wizards that killed Emily," Sirius told us smiling.

"She's very headstrong," Remus commented.

"You were good with her," Lily told him smiling. Remus just shrugged.

"Emily would have done the same thing," he said. He was right. It was exactly what Emily would have done. Suddenly the Great Hall went silent. I looked up to see why no one was talking anymore. Professor Dumbledore was standing in front of the room waiting to address the students. Once it was absolutely silent he began to talk.

"As most of you know this afternoon Hogsmeade was attacked by Death Eaters. Thankfully the majority of you are safe. However there are a handful of students who are either dead or missing. This is a most unfortunate incident. You all know we are in a war and as a precautionary measure we have decided to disband all future Hogsmeade villages for the next school year until further notice. I urge you all to be on alert. The wizarding community is in a state of unrest. I understand that it's scary and you have every right to be scared. But as long as you are within the walls of this castle you are safe. I know that some of you might be very upset right now. You may choose to remain here for dinner or simply go back to your Common Rooms. But no one is to step onto the grounds for tonight. We are placing the castle under lock-down just to be careful. We do not want to take risks with your safety. If you wish to speak to someone your Professors are always available. Good night."

I listened to Dumbledore's speech with a mild sense of foreboding. He seemed to be warning us that no matter what when we left the castle we were going to be in danger. I looked over at Lily who seemed to have gotten the same meaning from Dumbledore's message. I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice Professor McGonagall come up to our table.

"James, Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Peter Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office as soon as possible," she said to us grimly. I nodded and got to my feet.

"We can go now," I told her as my friends got up. McGonagall walked the five of us up to the Headmaster's office. She knew that we all knew where it was but she lead us anyway. McGonagall spoke the password and to my surprise followed us up into the Headmaster's office.

"The Gryffindors are here," she told him. Dumbledore stood up from behind his desk and conjured six chairs for us all to sit down in.

"You are probably wondering why I have asked you here," Dumbledore said to the five of us. We all nodded. "As you know Lord Voldemort is on the rise," Dumbledore began. Peter and McGonagall winced upon hearing the name. "And while many wizards are allowing him to take over there are several who would do anything to stop him. Am I right in thinking that you five are amongst the second group?"

"Yes sir," I said as the rest of my friends nodded in agreement.

"Then Professor McGonagall and I think you are ready to know what we are doing in order to put a stop to Voldemort's reign. I have organized a group of highly trained witches and wizards called the Order of the Phoenix. Our sole purpose is to fight against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Professor McGonagall and I believe that the five of you demonstrated a sense of maturity far beyond your years today in Hogsmeade. I would be honored if the five of you would consider joining us."

"Of course," I said without a moment's hesitation. Dumbledore smiled at me knowingly.

"You don't have to answer right away. Take some time to think about it. This is a huge decision. By joining up with the Order you would be placing yourselves in a grave amount of danger," Dumbledore warned us. I couldn't help but but in.

"No offense Professor but we're already in grave danger whether we're part of the order or not," I pointed out. Lily frowned at me but Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, yes you are," he sighed.

"So my answer is yes. I want to fight. I want to do what I can to take Voldemort down," I told Dumbledore firmly.

"Me too," Sirius said as soon as I was done talking.

"My answer is yes as well," Lily said resolutely.

"Me too," Remus put in.

"Me too," Peter mumbled.

"Are you sure?" Professor McGonagall asked us. "You need to be sure. Once you are in the group you are sworn to secrecy."

"I'm positive," I told my teachers. Ever since Voldemort began terrorizing my friends I wanted to see him destroyed. Fighting Dumbledore was one of my only goals in life.

"Me too," Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily added.

"Excellent," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "For now I want the five of you to focus on these last few weeks of school. Your first meeting will be the night after your graduation." We understood that we were being dismissed. Peter got up and my friends followed him out. I lingered behind and Lily paused at the door, waiting for me.

"Er Professor I just wanted to say thank you," I said to Dumbledore.

"You're welcome James...but for what?" he asked me from behind his half moon spectacles.

"For giving me a chance to fight," I explained.

"You and your friends will be a great help to the Order I'm sure of it," Dumbledore assured me and Lily. "And Lily?" Lily walked over to where I was standing in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Yes?" she asked curiously.

"I believe a congratulations is in order," he said smiling. His blue eyes twinkled happily. Lily blushed to the roots of her hair.

"Thank you Professor," she whispered shyly. I smiled at Dumbledore and I could have sworn he winked at me.

"How does he know everything?" Lily asked me in a whisper as we left the office.

"Well you are wearing a ring," I pointed out trying not to laugh.

"Oh yes, of course," Lily said with a nervous giggle. I laughed as we walked back to the Gryffindor tower. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really happy we're getting married," she said in a delighted whisper.

"Me too," I told her smiling down at her before kissing her and going back to our friends...or what was left of our friends anyway.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the typos or errors in this one. I didn't have time to finish proofreading because I'm leaving for Italy tomorrow. Unfortunately I will not be able to update this story until roughly two weeks have passed. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one is the last one!**

**Yellow14: haha loving the Krum discussion :)**


	20. If Everyone Cared

**Chapter 19: **or **If Everyone Cared**

**The beginning of the end…**

_If everyone cared and nobody cried_

_If everyone loved and nobody lied_

_If everyone shared and swallowed their pride_

_Then we'd see the day when nobody died_

_ Nickelback_

**Kristen realizes it's the end...**

The Death Eater holding my arm never released his grip. Not even after he'd disapparated from Hogsmeade. I had no idea where he'd brought us. But even when we were in this new location he maintained his vice-like grip on my upper arm. It was almost like he thought I would apparate away, even though they'd already taken my wand. I was definitely going to bruise.

He dragged me down a dimly lit corridor. I had no idea where I was being taken but it didn't look like a very pleasant place. The only source of light was coming from a few torch brackets on the wall. Other than that I was in complete darkness. Several times I tried to squirm out of his grip but the Death Eater just held on even tighter. Eventually the corridor ended and a wooden door appeared. My abductor kicked open the door to reveal what looked like a prison. I got the feeling we were in the basement of one of the Death Eater's homes. The man threw me inside the small room and then closed the door.

I had thought that the corridor was dark, but this room was a new kind of darkness. There wasn't a single source of light. I couldn't see anything. I squinted as my eyes tried to adjust to the darkness but I still couldn't see a thing. Why the Death Eaters decided to take me captive instead of kill me on the spot I had no idea. But I wasn't about to complain. Even though I was exhausted I didn't dare close my eyes. Falling asleep did not seem like a very good idea at the time.

I have no idea how long I was sitting in the dark by myself. It felt like hours. I had nothing to do but worry about my friends. I wondered if James, Sirius, Lily, Emily, and Remus had all gotten back to Hogwarts safely. The Death Eater invasion was completely unexpected. Everyone seemed to react to the situation well so I had high hopes that they'd all made it through the ordeal. They were probably back at the castle wondering where I was. Just as I was considering the fate of my fellow Gryffindors the door to the prison room opened. I squinted; the sudden burst of light was painful for my eyes. A dark figure came into the room and shut the door behind them. It wasn't until he lit his wand that I realized who my visitor was.

"What the hell is going on?" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet. Regulus lowered his wand so the lit tip wasn't directly in my face.

"The Death Eaters invaded Hogsmeade," he said in a grave voice. I laughed scornfully.

"I figured that much out for myself, funny enough," I don't know how I had it in me to be sarcastic when it was pretty clear my life was in danger.

"They captured you instead of killing you because of your dad," Regulus informed me. That fact hadn't occurred to me yet. But it didn't make sense.

"Why wouldn't they kill me?" I asked him, momentarily forgetting my usual hostility towards Regulus, "I was the one who sent him back to jail."

"Don't ask me!" Regulus said shrugging his shoulders.

"And why wouldn't I ask you?" I wondered glaring at him. "You're one of them after all," I hissed. All the hostile feelings I had towards Regulus Black came pouring back to me within seconds.

"For the sake of appearances yes," Regulus muttered ignoring me, "Listen I don't have a lot of time but there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked crossing my arms. I wasn't exactly sure I wanted to hear whatever it was that Regulus had to say. The guy had already tried to sell me over to the dark side once. Although we'd dated in the past I didn't exactly trust him.

"First I want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry how everything turned out. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. You can believe what you want but I really cared about you when we were together," he began. I narrowed my eyes at him, still not quite sure he was telling the truth. That was the thing about Slytherins, you never really know if they're lying to you or not. He continued to talk. "I can tell you don't believe me but it's true. The other thing is, I've figured out how to kill Voldemort." This time I knew he was lying.

"Spare me the bullshit please," I interrupted.

"I'm serious," he insisted. "The guy is deeply invested in this type of dark magic called horcruxes."

"That sounds like some type of disease," I muttered disbelievingly. Regulus just rolled his eyes at me.

"Would you just hear me out and stop interrupting?" he asked angrily.

"I'm sorry. Please continue your fabulous fabrication," I exclaimed with mock sincerity. Regulus shot me a look that I could discern, even in the dark. He was irritated. I decided to humor him and stop interrupting his stupid story.

"So anyway. Voldemort made horcruxes to keep himself alive. If you want to kill him you have to destroy his horcruxes," Regulus explained. I couldn't help but wonder why he was telling me all of this. It didn't make sense.

"What exactly is a horcrux?" I asked warily. Part of me didn't want to know the answer. If Voldemort was invested in them they had to be really really bad.

"It's essentially an object that stores part of your soul and keeps you alive. It basically makes you immortal. You make a horcrux by splitting your soul," Regulus told me informatively.

"Splitting your soul?" I exclaimed. I was pretty sure he could tell how horrified I was just by the tone of my voice.

"I know it's disgusting. When you kill someone you are essentially ripping your soul apart," Regulus sighed.

"That's just sick," I said frowning.

"I know," Regulus nodded in agreement. "So that's how Voldemort plans to keep himself alive. He'll be virtually unstoppable until someone destroys all the horcruxes." As fascinating as this piece of information was I still couldn't help but wonder why Regulus was telling me.

"Regulus," I said hesitantly, "Why are you telling me this?" I waited for his answer anxiously.

"Because I want to see Voldemort dead. I've already found where he's keeping one of these things. My guess is there are a lot more of them hidden around. I'm probably not going to be around much longer after I destroy this one and I'm hoping you're going to find a way to get out of here and tell everyone how to destroy him if I can't," Regulus explained seriously. Part of me wanted to think that he was lying. I almost wanted him to be lying. I wanted him to be that same stupid Slytherin that I couldn't trust. The same stupid Slytherin I broke up with because he was on the wrong side. And yet I knew he wasn't. Something had changed. By the looks of things Regulus wasn't interested in being a Death Eater anymore. I wondered if he'd ever truly been interested in the dark arts at all.

"Don't talk like that," I urged.

"But it's the truth. In case I die I need to know that there's someone else out there who knows how to take this guy down. And I trust that you, knowing this information, would do the right thing," Regulus shrugged his shoulders as if this whole thing wasn't a big deal.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked him curiously.

"What do you mean?" Regulus didn't know what I was talking about.

"About Voldemort and the Death Eaters. What made you change your mind about them?" I clarified the question. Regulus just smiled and shook his head.

"I think you already know the answer to that," he sighed. I studied his face in the dim light provided by his wand. And he stared right back at me. I remembered what it was like to have him looking at me with eyes full of admiration, back when we used to be in like with each other. And then I thought, maybe I understood.

"What do they want from me?" I asked, changing the topic.

"I don't know," Regulus admitted shaking his head. "I have no idea why they didn't kill you on the spot...no offense."

"None taken," I sighed. I was still shocked by our previous conversation. I couldn't believe that Regulus was really planning to kill Voldemort.

"Listen, I don't have a lot of time. I've gotta get out of here before they realize what I'm up to. I got this for you...but if anyone asks you stole it," Regulus said pulling a wand out his pocket and handing it to me. I had no idea who he'd stolen it from and I was about to ask when I realized it was mine. "And one more thing. Don't trust Peter Pettigrew." I just looked at Regulus. I'd never exactly been fond of Peter but I wouldn't question his loyalty. And yet I didn't really have a reason to doubt Regulus, now that I knew where his allegiance truly lied. He turned to leave and I felt the urge to say something else to him. I grabbed his arm to stop him from going. Regulus looked at me questioningly.

"Be careful," I found myself saying. He smiled at me for the first time in months. He took my other hand in his and squeezed it slightly.

"You too." He said releasing my hand. And with that the light from his wand disappeared and he was gone. I gripped my wand firmly. Now I would be ready when the Death Eaters came down to talk to me or interrogate me or do whatever it was that they were planning to do.

Maybe an hour after Regulus departed I was joined by several Death Eaters. Lucious Malfoy arrived leading the pack of five. I held my wand behind my back and out of sight. Only of them lit their wand so none of us could see that well.

"How are you enjoying your stay in the Malfoy Manor dungeon?" Lucious drawled. I knew they'd taken me to someone's basement!

"It's wonderful," I replied sarcastically.

"You're probably wondering why we captured you instead of just killing you," Lucious began. I was but I decided not to interrupt him. "Your father was a valuable member of our community. He was a great loss to our cause. We need a replacement." I just stared at the man for a moment. It took me a while before I realized what Malfoy was saying.

"You want me to become a Death Eater?" I asked in complete disbelief. I hadn't really known what to expect but I was definitely not prepared for that. Perhaps it had slipped their minds that I was the one who sent my father back to prison.

"Essentially," Lucious nodded. He waited for my response. I glared at him.

"I'd rather die," I hissed.

"Well, I think that can be arranged," Lucious said shrugging his shoulders. I saw him make a move and I whipped out my wand and cast a shield charm. The Death Eaters were surprised to find me armed so I had the element of surprise on my side. I got in a few good jinxes before taking one of the Death Eaters down. One down—four to go, I thought to myself. I was about to cast another stunning hex when Malfoy took advantage of my preoccupation and did his worst. There was a flash of green light and suddenly I was on the ground—dead, and the secret of how to kill Voldemort and Regulus's true allegiance died with me.

**Sirius realizes it's all over...**

"That's not good enough!" I roared slamming the Daily Prophet down on the table in the Great Hall. There was an article about the measures being taken to recover the students who had gone missing during the most recent Hogsmeade attack.

"At this rate they'll be dead by the time anyone finds them," Peter observed. I groaned. Kristen could not be dead. I refused to believe it.

"That's not really helping,"I heard James say to Peter. But Peter was right. At the rate in which the Ministry was moving all the hostages would be dead by the time anyone reached them. I had asked Dumbledore if I could help with the search effort but he had flat out refused. I suppose it would be pretty ridiculous. I didn't have a clue where they could have hidden her but I hated just sitting around and not being able to help. It was driving me crazy.

Part of me wanted to give up all hope on them finding her. But Kristen was a stubborn girl. I'd seen her take on several people in a duel. She has wicked good spellwork. Also the fact that her father was a Death Eater could help in keeping her alive. There was actually quite a good chance that she was still alive. Part of me wanted to give up but the other part of me wanted to keep hoping.

My friends were all just as distraught as I was. With Emily recently dead Lily was the only girl left in her dormitory. She had literally lost all of her friends. Remus was a wreck. He refused to look any of us in the eye. I haven't seen him crack a smile in days. Peter seems lost in his own world and James is downright miserable. Kristen was a good friend of his too.

"I don't think they're going to find her," Lily was saying at lunch later that day.

"Me either," Peter mumbled dejectedly.

"You're already giving up hope?" James asked sadly.

"We can't get our hopes up," Lily said with a shrug. "There's no reason to expect that she lived through this. There's just—," Lily broke off as her voice shook. She was taking the loss of her friends very hard.

"She's stubborn," I told them all earnestly.

"And that could just as easily be her downfall," Remus pointed out. I didn't want to believe him but I knew he was right. Maybe the Death Eaters would offer her a deal but she would be too stubborn and proud to take it.

"We need something else to focus on," James sighed.

"Well there's NEWTS coming up," Lily pointed out. There was a collective groan as she said this. "What?" Lily asked sounding rather offended. "Our studies are still important."

"The only thing still important is not getting our asses kicked by Death Eaters," Peter disagreed. James and Remus nodded their heads in agreement.

"Well there's no way you're going to get into Auror school if you fail your NEWTS and then you won't be able to become an Auror and kick Death Eater ass," Lily declared throwing a pointed look at James and myself.

"I just can't study at a time like this," I found myself saying.

"Me either," James agreed with a sigh.

"I know. It's terrible. But life goes on. We have to move on at some point," Lily insisted.

"I'm not giving up on her until there's proof that she isn't coming back," I told my friends. James nodded and Remus sighed.

The next day was perhaps the worst day of my life. I went down to breakfast and began to eat with my friends. Eventually it was mail time and the hoard of owls swooped in delivering the majority of students their copy of the Daily Prophet. James's owl dropped the newspaper in his lap and James let out a gasp.

"What?" Lily exclaimed upon witnessing his reaction. James held the paper up with shaking hands. His arms were trembling as he held the front page towards us. The majority of the front page of the newspaper was covered with a picture of the dark mark over a house. The headline read: DARK MARK SPOTTED ABOVE THE SHEPHERD RESIDENCE. I couldn't believe my eyes. There was no way. It didn't make sense. Kristen couldn't have been murdered in her house. The last time we saw her we were in Hogsmeade. It didn't add up.

"That's Kristen's house," Lily whispered. Her voice was hoarse and she was clearly in shock, as were the rest of us. James turned the paper back around and he began to read the article.

"Her body was found in the house with the Dark Mark above it last night. Whoever killed her must have brought her back there," James announced in a grave voice. I shook my head in disbelief.

"No," I muttered in shock. "No, no, no." James shoved the paper at me so I could read it for myself. I scanned the article and everything James said was true.

Kristen was dead. The Death Eaters had murdered her. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked by the news. I had been so convinced that Kristen's stubborn streak would save her but alas not even she could survive the torment of the Death Eaters. Kristen was just about the strongest girl I knew. If she couldn't survive—no one can.

Suddenly the loss hit me with a wave of grief. Kristen had been murdered. She died. She was dead. Kristen was dead. I was never going to see her again. The girl I loved was dead. Voldemort killed her. I wanted to scream. Without thinking I got up from the Gryffindor table.

"Padfoot where are you going?" Remus asked when he noticed that I was on my feet. I just looked at him.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Anywhere but here." I turned and started making my way out of the school. I wanted to strangle Voldemort with my bare hands. Also, I wanted to find my traitorous little brother and kill him. Sadly I couldn't do either of those things. Instead I settled on punching the wall. It had seemed like a good way of handling my anger at the time.

However, all that really accomplished was causing me a great amount of pain. I probably broke my hand on the concrete. On the plus side the pain in my hand was enough to overpower the pain in my heart.

**Remus is distraught…**

Never in a million years did I imagine that I would end up in a situation like this. I never thought I would meet a girl as amazing as Emily Lawrence. I never thought a girl like Emily Lawrence would fancy a guy like me. I never thought I was going to find someone that accepted me for me. I never thought I would fall in love. But most of all I never thought I would lose a love like this.

Emily was everything in the world that I could have hoped for. She was smart and kind. She was caring and beautiful. She was wise beyond her years and she had a respect for academics and people like myself who love books. Emily was practically perfect. Except for the fact that she was no longer alive.

Emily's death took a lot of getting used to. I kept expecting her to walk into the room every time I looked up. I kept imagining her sitting beside me at meals while we observed the ridiculous antics of James and Lily and Sirius and Kristen. I kept looking over at her desk in class and expecting to see her sitting there studiously taking notes.

However, Emily was gone. She's never coming back. I had to get used to it. She wouldn't have wanted me to be sad but I couldn't help but feel devastated. I was mad at the world for taking her away from me. In my eyes she never should have died. She was so smart, and talented, and beautiful. She had her whole life ahead of her. And yet she was murdered.

It just didn't make sense.

Nothing was the same with her gone. Her death left a serious gap in our circle of friends. Lily was beside herself with grief. That makes three of her friends dead at the hands of Voldemort. I was sorry for her misfortune but I couldn't stand the sad and defeated look on her face. I had to get away.

But it seemed that there was no getting away. I headed for the library—the one place I could find sanctuary. Unfortunately there was no sanctuary to be found today. Sirius was sitting in the corner, my favorite spot to be exact. He saw me walk in so I knew I had to go over and talk to him.

"What's up Padfoot?" I asked him when I sat down.

"Nothing just doing some studying," he replied holding up the Charms book. That was a bit of a shock.

"You're studying?" I wondered. The implied _WHY?_ hung in my silence.

"I know I know, me studying, it's weird," Sirius mumbled not taking his eyes off of the book. "But our NEWTS are coming up."

"Since when do you care about NEWTS?" I wanted to know. I'd only been trying to get Sirius to care about his studies for seven years and all of a sudden one day he wants to study for a test. Something was off.

"Since my girlfriend died," his answer was so abrupt and coarse that I was momentarily stunned. I didn't know what to say.

"This is about Kristen?" I wondered.

"Sort of," Sirius muttered. He wouldn't look away from the damn book. I felt like I was having a one sided conversation.

"Sirius would you please put that book down and talk to me?" I asked. Sirius looked up. He seemed slightly taken aback.

"Are you okay Moony?" he wondered.

"Are you?" I countered. Sirius let out a deep sigh.

"Here's the thing," he began taking a deep breath. "Kristen always was thinking about the future. She knew that I wanted to go to Auror school and she was always trying to find ways to motivate me to try harder in school. And I always ignored it because I was smart enough with out taking that extra step. But smart enough isn't the best I can do. And we both knew it and it drove her crazy but she never really got on my case. And now I feel guilty for not trying harder for her. Because we both knew that I could try harder but I was just too lazy. And now she's gone and I can't deal with that so I'm studying."

I was rather affected by his story. It made sense in a weird mess up kind of way. I wished I could deal with all of my trouble by just studying. Apparently he wasn't done.

"I just feel so guilty," Sirius admitted.

"Because you got to live and she didn't," I said, knowing exactly what he meant. Sirius nodded.

"And I feel so alone," he added not looking me in the eyes.

"Because you loved her and she died," I sighed, again knowing exactly what he meant. I knew because I felt the same way. Sirius nodded and I noticed that he was close to crying. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable about crying in front of me so I didn't say anything about it. For a while we both sat in silence.

"We're gonna get through this right?" Sirius sighed.

"I hope so," I agreed. Seeing Sirius reflect everything that I felt was so unnerving. He was the visual of everything that was going on inside my head at the moment. It was a scary thought.

Instead of moving forward I felt like everything was moving backwards. Everything I thought that the future would bring was slowly fading into the background.

**Lily feels like the world is ending…**

I can't deal with this any longer. Everything and everyone is disappearing. My life as I knew it is gone. It no longer exists. Three of my best friends have been murdered at Voldemort's hands. All my friends can't even stand to look at each other. My boyfriend is miserable because everyone around him is miserable. Something needs to change. We need to find happiness again.

"I have a weird request," I said to James one day.

"What is it?" he asked concernedly.

"Can I sleep in your dorm?" I asked him nervously. The look James gave me was completely taken aback. He looked completely bewildered.

"Why?" he wondered. The shock was evident on his face.

"Because I can't stand sleeping in that empty dorm all by myself. I have to stare at all their beds and I can't stop picturing them—it's killing me!" I explained halfway on the way to tears.

"Oh Merlin Lily! Of course you can! I mean obviously I have to check with the guys but I'm sure they'll be fine with it. I had no idea how much you were hurting. I mean I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't know," James stuttered through his agreement. I nodded thankfully. I tried to keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes but some escaped anyway. I was thankful when James wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest.

"I'm sorry," I told him between sobs.

"It's okay. It might be a little weird but when I explain everything I'm sure the guys won't mind," he said soothingly.

So now I was sleeping in the boys' dormitory. I had to suffer through Peter's snoring and Sirius's sleep talking but the relief from my loneliness made it all worth it. Also I got to fall asleep and wake up in James's arms so it wasn't all that bad.

"This is like practice for when we get married," James said grinning as we tried to block out the sounds of Peter's heavy breathing.

"Please don't tell me you plan on letting Sirius sleep in the guest room. I don't think I can take his sleep talking for extended periods of time," I laughed lightly. Sirius mumbled something about quidditch, which only made us laugh harder. Peter let out another snort and Remus rolled over.

I was incredibly thankful to James and his friends for letting me stay in their dorm. It was nice to be around people again. Even before when the dorm had Emily and Kristen in it our room was occasionally scarily silent. I liked the sounds of other people.

The next day during our last free period before break I was approached by a Hufflepuff I'd hardly spoken a word to.

"Lily Evans," she said politely. I looked over to see Alice Knightly sitting next to me.

"Oh hello Alice," I said smiling at her. I hoped the conversation wouldn't be long. I had some last minute cramming to do.

"How are you doing?" she asked inquisitively.

"Alright, a little stressed out about the exams and all but I'm alright," I found it slightly odd that she was making small talk with me. We'd never really been more than acquaintances. She was the Hufflepuff prefect for her year so we'd had some conversations but this was just a little odd. "And how are you?"

"I've been better," she said tossing her light brown hair over her shoulder. For a brief second she resembled my old friend Julie Belle. I felt a pang of sadness at that memory. Alice noticed the change in my demeanor. "I just wanted to see how you were coping with everything," she said with a small smile. "I know what you're going through. I'm one of two girls left in my dorm. It's rough."

"Wait, seriously?" I exclaimed in surprise. Alice nodded glumly.

"June left last night," she sighed. "And I reckon Lisa's about to leave any day now. I was just checking to see if you're all right. Because the loneliness sucks."

"It really does!" I agreed wholeheartedly. "I can't even stand to be in that dorm room anymore. I sleep in the boys' dorm now," I admitted with a small blush. Alice giggled appreciatively.

"That's one way of solving the loneliness problem," she said with a laugh. I smiled, thankful for a female companion. I was tired of talking to only boys.

"It's practically impossible to get any sleep with Peter doing a human chainsaw impersonation every night," I complained jokingly. Alice laughed and I grinned.

"I bet Sirius talks in his sleep," she laughed.

"How did you know!" I exclaimed. We both laughed and Madame Pince shot us a glare. It only made us giggle even harder. I found myself incredibly happy that Alice had journeyed over to make small talk with me. I liked Alice Knightly very much.

"You know," Alice said thoughtfully. "When Pince makes that face she kind of looks like an ostrich." That sent us into a fresh peal of laughter. Remus looked over from his corner to see what all the fuss was about. I just shook my head at him, laughing too hard to be able to speak.

"I'm sorry I've completely interrupted your studying," Alice apologized when she noticed Remus's glance.

"Oh no! Not at all!" I shook off the apology with a shake of my head. "I'm glad you came over to talk to me. It's been ages since I've had a conversation with someone besides Remus, Peter, Sirius, or James."

"Oh good," Alice sighed with relief. "I probably should be doing some studying of my own but I can't make sense of any of my notes."

"Why not?" I asked interestedly.

"Because I have no idea what any of them mean. I spent all class period day dreaming and now I have no idea why I wrote what I wrote," Alice explained looking rather exasperated.

"Well here," I said pushing my notes towards her. "We can share. And if you don't mind me asking…what were you dreaming about?"

"Frank," Alice sighed wistfully.

"Frank Longbottom?" I exclaimed in a hushed whisper. It felt so good to sit with Alice and talk about boys. I hadn't done that in Merlin knows how long.

"Shhh!" Alice hushed me whilst smiling. "No one can know!"

"Why?" I wondered.

"Because it would be so embarrassing if he found out," Alice said looking horrified at the very thought.

"But what if he likes you too?" I asked eagerly.

"I highly doubt that. He sits next to Lisa in almost every class I'm sure he likes her better," Alice insisted.

"Doubtful," I said shaking my head in loyalty to my newfound friend. "I think you should just go for it."

"No way!" Alice refused.

"Well then let's get another opinion," I declared. I waved Remus over while Alice sat by looking terrified. I couldn't blame her. Her secret was about to come out. "Remus do you think Alice should make a move on Frank?" I asked when he was closer to us.

"Definitely," Remus said nodding his head. I turned back to Alice, grinning triumphantly.

"Case closed," I declared.

"Am I done here?" Remus asked sounding vaguely amused.

"Yes sir you are dismissed," I laughed as Remus walked away shaking his head.

"So you really think I should tell him?" Alice asked curiously.

"Definitely. Tell him and report back to me!" I exclaimed.

"Okay," Alice sighed going back to reading the notes. I just stared at her until she looked up at me again. "What? You want me to tell him now?"

"No time like the present!" I exclaimed eagerly.

"You're insane," Alice replied shaking her head.

"Just do it!" I insisted.

"Alright alright alright," she laughed and got to her feet.

"I don't know how you do it," I said shaking my head.

"Do what?" Alice asked.

"Think about things like boys and stuff with the terrible state this world is in," I sighed. My mind had been a depressing place as of late. I couldn't stop thinking about all the misfortune in the world.

"You just have to keep telling yourself that tomorrow is another day and anything can happen. The future is still unknown and anything can change. As long as we focus on the good stuff no one can take our happiness," Alice told me wisely.

"Tomorrow is another day," I repeated liking the way it sounded.

"Exactly!" Alice said nodding her head.

"Alright go find Frank," I urged giving her a slight nudge.

"Okay. But I'm coming back for those notes," she said with a laugh. I smiled, happy to have made a friend out of all this misery.

**Peter doesn't remember when he lost control…**

One day I was getting petty revenge for the way my friends had treated me and the next everyone is dying. I knew that people were going to get hurt but I didn't know anyone was actually going to be killed. I'm not a killer—I didn't sign up for this. I don't know how things got to be this way but I know that there is nothing I can do about it. Once you throw your lot in with those guys—the Death Eaters, there's no backing down. With them it's all or nothing. You're either with them or against them.

And I was with them. You would have to be stupid not to be. It's obvious who is going to win this war. The Dark Lord is on the rise. He gets more powerful every day. You'd have to be an idiot to stand up against him. And yet the smartest people I know are willing to do so.

It doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense. I don't belong here, in this situation. I'm being forced to choose between my friends and my life. And when it comes down to that I'm going to choose my life. I shouldn't even be in Gryffindor. Old man Godric probably rolled over in his grave when that stupid hat of his stuck me in his house.

"Pettigrew!" yelled a familiar voice. "What are you up to?" It was Snape. Of course it was Snape. It seemed as if he enjoyed my inner turmoil.

"Im just thinking," I told him.

"About what?" Snape wanted to know.

"Whether I'm on the right side or not," I replied. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Well don't think then," he instructed. I tried not to glare at him. Don't think? Really? Was he serious?

"I just don't think that all this killing-," I tried to explain.

"What did I just say about thinking?" Snape exclaimed.

"I know I know no thinking. But seriously, I don't think I can kill people," I said.

"Killing is part of being with the Dark Lord. You're gonna have to get used to it," Snape said rather harshly. He glared at me through his curtain of greasy hair.

"I don't want to kill people," I admitted.

"Well you already did," Snape declared.

"No!" I exclaimed in horror.

"Yeah. Emily Lawrence, Kristen Shepherd. You helped plan that attack. You helped get them killed," Snape explained.

"No," I insisted shaking my head.

"Whatever Wormtail," Snape said rolling his eyes. "Think what you wanna think. But don't let anyone else catch you questioning your loyalty or you're dead."

Dead. Well, I definitely did not want to be dead. So I didn't have a choice really. It was either be on Voldemort's side or die. I wasn't too fond of dying so I chose Voldemort. You can't really blame a guy for wanting to live.

**James doesn't like what the world has become…**

It's either kill or be killed out there…and I don't like it one bit. I used to be so excited for school to finally be over. All I ever wanted was my chance to get out into the real world. I don't think I want that anymore. The real world is a mean, nasty, ugly place. In the real world people you love die. In the real world there's no hiding from the truth. And in the real world there's Voldemort. And Voldemort is making the real world a living hell.

By the time graduation rolled around I wanted nothing more than to be a little kid again. I wanted to crawl into bed and have my mom tuck me in. I wanted my dad to read about Babbity Rabbity and her cackling stump. I wanted to go back to the good old days when I was a little kid, far too innocent to understand what's going on around me.

I didn't want to have to be the brave one anymore. I didn't want to be the fearless Head Boy ready to lead his class into the future. I didn't want to leave school and face the evils of the real world. I didn't want any of it.

As I looked around at the group of my friends assembled on the grounds waiting to collect our diplomas my heart felt heavy. There were only five of us left. I thought longingly of Kristen, Emily, Caroline, and even Julie. All of whom we would miss dearly. It wasn't fair that they didn't make it to this moment. They should have been up there with us collecting their diplomas.

"James are you alright?" Lily asked after we'd finished the ceremony.

"I've been better," I replied with a shrug.

"What's wrong?" she wanted to know.

"I just have this feeling that everything is only going to go from bad to worse," I admitted.

"Yeah it probably is," Lily agreed with a sigh.

"And you're okay with that?" I asked her incredulously.

"No of course not!" Lily exclaimed. "But there's not much we can do about it. I mean obviously we can fight to try and make the world a better place. We can do everything in our power to try and take down Voldemort. But until he goes away the world is going to be a dark and dreary place to live in," Lily replied.

"Well that makes me feel so much better," I told her sarcastically.

"We just have to find happiness in the small things," Lily explained. "Like when we first move in together and finally have a house of our own. When you and Sirius get into the Auror Academy and graduate top of your class. When I finally become a healer. When we get married…there are a lot of good things coming our way."

"And there are a lot of bad things too," I pointed out.

"I know but if we dwell on those we'll only make ourselves miserable," Lily told me. "A very wise person once told me that you just have to keep telling yourself that tomorrow is another day and anything can happen. The future is still unknown and anything can change. As long as we focus on the good stuff no one take our happiness."

"Tomorrow is another day?" I repeated hesitantly.

"Exactly," Lily said with a confident nod. She looked so happy and sure of herself that I had no choice but to believe her.

"And who told you this?" I wondered. I figured it was someone like Dumbledore.

"Alice Knightly," Lily replied with a smile.

"Frank's girlfriend?" I asked in disbelief. I had never pegged her as someone who would have such profound thoughts. Lily narrowed her eyes at me.

"She is a lot more than Frank's girlfriend I'll have you know," Lily said in a scolding manner. Naturally she went all women's rights on me.

"I know I know, sorry. That's just all I know her as," I admitted.

"Well she's right over there. C'mon let's get you a proper introduction," Lily insisted, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to where Frank and Alice were standing. "They're really very nice. I think you'll like Alice. She reminds me of Kristen sometimes," Lily said with a sad smile.

I did like Frank and Alice very much. As it turned out Dumbledore had also approached them and asked them to join the Order. We were going to have lot of time to get to know each other. Frank seemed alright. And Lily was right; Alice was a lot like Kristen. We could all easily become friends. Suddenly I felt hopeful again. Alice had a very good point. Tomorrow is another day and anything can happen.

THE END

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: To all my readers thank you for following this story until the end. And sorry that it took so long for me to update. I was in Italy for the past two weeks. So I've been suffering from some serious jet lag.**

**Yellow14: thank you for sticking with this story I loved readying your reviews.**

**SecretlyAGryffindor: I'm glad you liked the Tonks/Emily connection. I probably won't be writing a sequel. This chapter pretty much sums up the story pretty well. And also I don't like to write about what happened to Lily and James after they left school because I don't like to write about how they died. It makes me too sad haha.**


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